l'air du temps

an artist's thought

2010-08-25T21:24:00.003+02:00

i like to fancy myself as a writer, i/we (all who visit this space) enjoy words and ideas, and i think it's safe to add pretty things. the writer is in constant pursuit of trying to capture that which seems ethereal. the stuff which slips through our fingers and escapes our specific memory (what was i thinking again?). we try to bring feather light ideas down to earth, in a word, story or poem... it's fantastical work...

i'm choosing my new painting class, my second one. and i surprised myself when i asked an advisor while choosing between two classes that interest me... i said i am trying to choose between the one that my head says to take and the one my heart wants... funny right, we get this dilemma in life, that which our head says and that which our heart wants...

so far i'm leaning towards the one with my heart... the one full of colours and vibrancy...

...above painting by sophie coryndon, 'where metaphor and allusion reveals the mythic potential in everyday objects...'

um

2010-08-16T02:05:00.002+02:00

i still love the smell of paper and the feel of a pencil. ~ anna dello russo, editor at large vogue nippo

cindy lou who

2010-08-14T19:46:00.003+02:00

for the past 2 months construction has been going on right across the street from me... those construction guys, bless their hearts, have been waking me up every morning with their drilling and whatever else they do. it drives me nuts, really. i tell myself to breath...

this morning... nothing. the construction is done. i surprised myself by waking up on my own... it was a strange feeling. for some reason i felt like cindy lou who... i guess as i've been awakened by strange noises for so long. funny how the mind works...

paint on canvas

2010-08-13T19:07:00.009+02:00

i'll try and explain... this summer i took my very first art class ever. i never went to kindergarden so my art career has been delayed for some time now... i didn't even sign up for the class this summer. a friend dragged me along and it has opened me up in some of the sweetest ways. imagine me there afraid to mix colours and put paint brush to canvas. i might mess it up... fail. part of the plan, i'm told. beginners can't be perfect. genuises aren't even perfect. there in the art studio, at some point i had to but the paint on the canvass. ...learning to try and make mistakes and how those mistakes can be fixed and lead to even more glorious places than had i not tried at all.

no one told me it spills over into life. i could see me learning to but the basics into place over the years... food, warmth and creature comforts. i wanted more, i felt greedy. learning that there are various levels of well being... when basic levels are met we are open to moving on to the stuff that satisfies our heart and our being... not greed, living a well balanced and inspired life.

i find something linear, moving up the ladder is fantastic!! and i have too, glimpses of a kind of blend... a harmonious existence... all the colours/ways of being present in harmony... it takes time...

put the paint on the canvas. mess it up. and see what we get...

the pleasure of missing

2010-08-13T04:30:00.004+02:00

the pleasure of missing. i am missing something... and instead of it being a painful longing, it is a kind of silent bliss-filled anticipation. not quite sure what it is. the expectation lends a kind of pleasure, a wonder... and i am open and waiting... excited about what it may be.

where is august going so soon and so quickly? the days are streaming by like the lyrics of a sweet song. i want to slow them down, a gentle pause for the sake of the flowers and green leave-filled fluffy trees, the warmth of the sea... and for me too... to indulge in the warmth of summer.

all things must change... summer begins to give way to autumn. but not just yet. there's still time to enjoy... and simply perhaps autumn can't get here quick enough for those who suffer in the summer heat. your time is coming... for sure and in confidence.

are you well? i sincerely hope so. missed u!!

just a bit of a 'gap spring/summer?'

2010-05-08T07:36:00.003+02:00

hello dear You... i'm having a bit of time off from blogging. i find words escape me these days... i'll have a bit of a break, but i'll be back as i do love it; sharing stories and visiting you.

in the meantime, do have a sweet spring... and maybe summer. i won't be too far, as i look forward to continuing to visit you!! and you all have my email, so if need be, or it fancies you please send me a message.

you know what? i appreciate and love, dare i say, every one of your comments that you leave for me. merci beaucoup mon amies!!

until soon loves!!

bisous

where we are

2010-05-03T21:25:00.009+02:00

funny how it works sometimes... i had the sensation of being in a country house last night. i hang a line across the kitchen to let the delicate clothes dry instead of putting them in the dryer when i do laundry. yesterday with the heat, which made it seem more like july than may, i went to sleep bracing myself for the nightime heat.

at 4 in the morning i was awakened by thunder showers, lots of rain came tumbling down in the early morning silence... indeed breaking the heat. the clothes on the line in the kitchen were swaying in the breeze, and the smell of rain filled the house. thought i was in the country house for a minute, all the pretty colours from springtime; light fabrics, a gentle breeze, silence and the sound of rain... funny how a moment of holiday and rest finds us where we are...

big bunches of springtime

2010-04-23T16:27:00.002+02:00

weekend is here lovelies... enjoy!
thanks a big bunch for your sweet thoughts of me. i'm getting better, going to have lunch near central park and get out and enjoy the springtime sunshine. as the Spanish say... poco a poco... little by little.

on this time it's a real springtime... not too hot and not too cool, lots of sunshine and big blue skies...

sweet dear hugs to you!!

hello

2010-04-19T19:54:00.002+02:00

thanks so much for your well wishes. i thought i'd be down just another day or so, but was in bed the entire weekend... with some good films, of course:)

up today... and i've got an agenda...

tea now
visit me blog pals
have a walk outdoors
...fresh air is calling, plus a little leisurely walk to get my strength back...

i feel a sense of excitement, creeping back to the brightness of feeling better, and taking it easy... slow and easy.

then some reading and writing... get back to stuff i love.

coming over to see how you are.
and thank you! again for your sweet thoughts!

one of those days

2010-04-15T17:33:00.001+02:00

been knocked down a few days with a flu-like cold. been in bed with my hair all messed up falling in and out of sleep, drinking juice, and sipping soup. the sound of t.v. is disturbing, so i put on some melodic tunes.

i'm getting better. out of bed today, having some tea. and i just had an interesting thought; it's a perfect moment for an audrey hepburn film... gentle and sweet. i retreat back to bed with me cup of tea to relax and not overdo it. seems i'm on my way back to feeling better...

won't send kisses, don't want to share me cold... good thoughts, that's it, hope you're well!

upon return

2010-04-13T18:04:00.003+02:00

when i re-enter, alone, the city's crush
and its chaos of noise
and the fury of traffic surrounds me,
may i, above that hammering confusion,
remember sky and mountain slopes
where the herds are still descending homeward.

may my courage be like those rocks
and the shepherd's day long work seem possible to me
the way he drifts and darkens, and with a well aimed stone
hems in his flock where it unravels.
with slow and steady strides, his posture is pensive
and, as he stands there, noble. even now a god might
secretly slip into his form and not be diminished.

in turn, he lingers and moves on like the day itself,
and cloud shadows pass through him, as though all of space
were thinking slow thoughts of him.

spanish trilogy (iii)
rainer maria rilke

lively up yourself

2010-04-12T16:28:00.005+02:00

art work of tim burton at the moma (spooky?)

there is a bob marley song where he sings... lively up yourself...

this song came to mind as i was thinking of something this morning that gives me great pleasure. in it's own way i was thinking that it inspires me and livelies me up. it brings me to life and what a sweet gift to have something like this in our lives. many of us are quite privileged as we have a number of sweetnesses that livelies us up. our babies, our sweeties, a pleasureable read, a delicious cup of coco... or coffee or tea...

i thought too, this special thing that gives me life, inspires me, as i feel refreshed, i wish to save, savor and use this energy in a beneficial way.

and too, springtime never ceases to amaze me. as the sky is big and blue, and the trees and flowers are blossoming, i get to thinking how does that happen so quietly and suddenly. winter seems forever, as sweet and cool as it can be. and springtime for me always seems extremely far way. and quite often i feel convinced that spring will not return again. how can it when all is grey and cold and quiet?

and then it happens, the sun gets bigger, the air is clear and warm, and the blossoms seem to dance lightly in the light warm air. it happens quietly and unassuming~ly. and now i remember as well while writing, those days those weeks, when it was a kind of dance, a kind of tug of war, as winter loosens her grip and springtime quitely slips in. and here she is on this side, today. it's still not so certain. but what is certain is that the springtime weather will return, i see it now and it's quite sweet.

good monday to you dear reader. have a sweet week. i hope to catch the tim burton exhibit at the modern museum really soon, as the end of the exhibit is nearing... it'll be spooky in the most fun way...

happy easter

2010-04-04T05:51:00.001+02:00

funny how things work. i couldn't sleep so i got out of bed. the sun was coming up and i had a look out the window. i saw some young folks walking the empty streets while the sun's coming up. i thought how cool, their up so early, maybe they're going to sunrise service at church. and then it dawned on me... i think it's more that they were coming in from dancing, hanging out all night from the night before. i remember that... dancing all night and walking home as the sun was coming up. something lovely about that.

still a nice time to not be able to sleep while the sun is rising easter morning. i hope you are well and the way you celebrate... maybe by going to church, time with friends and family, special dinners, relaxing at home in your fluffy slippers, out on the town enjoying the beautiful spring weather, do be yourself and enjoy!!

happy easter kisses loves!!

there's still time

2010-03-27T22:03:00.000+01:00

there's still time to be cosy and warm. cool again on this side, as winter holds on while spring is slipping in. it's inevitable, spring blossoms are own their way, but first, winter has juuuust a few more doings to do... in the meantime cosy and warm are on the agenda...

maybe you remember i wrote recently about a walk with friends along the mediterranean in the small town of Sitges, near barcelona. it was there that i witnessed a most beautiful sunset.

Hans is a fine friend of mine.

we were lucky enough to share the same time in barcelona. there meetings for coffee turned into long walks through that beautiful city, which turned into a feeling for sipping wine or beer in an outdoor cafe, 'but first let's check out this book store, or maybe that music store...' hours escaped us and still it seemed we could keep going discovering such a lovely city, unbeknown to us, quietly a friendship was forming. sweet surprises...

when i first met Hans and i asked what he did, he shared that he was a musician. i said 'oh,' and left it at that. then one night i went to hear him perform, to play and sing, and to my surprise he really is a fine artist. i realised then, as a new yorker i find everyone is a musician, a writer, an actor and on and on. i don't always believe them. so i was surprised to see and hear, for me, the melodic sounds of my friend.

the group debonair's desert song (Hans on voice... guitar too?), have a listen here http://debonair.posterous.com/new-track-desert-song let me know how you experience it...

the blog is here... have a little peak into his doings in denmark... http://debonair.posterous.com/

be warm, be sweet you, and get ready to blossom as spring finds her way in!

spring cleaning

2010-03-23T00:15:00.000+01:00

a-hem... i realise i can't wait any more, i have to organise my closests for spring. can you imagine a dressing room like this one... i like the spaciousness of it, and i especially like the light that streams in. pretty.

another spring~luv it!

2010-03-22T05:02:00.000+01:00

i walked into a shop today, just browsing, and the sales lady greeted me with a cheerful and sincere happy spring! i love it. the wedding yesterday was quite lovely. i enjoyed myself, and while drifting off to sleep last night i played over in my mind the entire day, the church, the reverend, conversations throughout the day, dancing and food... and of course the lovely bride and groom...

i finally talked to my sister, and after she let me have it for not being in touch, we slipped into giggling again. she thinks i'm weird, she always have. and i absolutely love why she thinks i'm weird cause i'm a dreamy, wanna thinking up stories, night owl, listening to music in my room all hours of the night, kind of girl. she's much more grounded and down to earth. i think we admire one another's qualities.

the picture posted here gets me... i love the flowers and the look from another time... perhaps the seventies. i absolutely adore the look and colours of sixties and seventies fashion. i know the two eras are remarkably different, still i love them both.

spring is here darlings... i do hope you are well and feeling quite spring~like, all inspired, hopeful and bright...

sending you spring kisses!!

early morning strolls... you never know who you'll meet

2010-03-17T22:33:00.000+01:00

an actor said in an interview how he liked strolling around new york... how there seems to be something to discover around every corner. i so often feel that way. like today, sitting outside down by the river having lunch. there was a lady there dressed in hot pink, jumping around, dancing and spinning a hoola hoop around her waist when the feeling moved her. ahhh, you never know what you might see.

one early sunday morning, before the masses were out, i walked by javier bardem and penelope cruz from vicky, cristina, barcelona (among other stuff). it's quite evident now that they are a couple, but it was still a week or so before the oscars, folks were still speculating. well i knew because i saw them walking up fifth avenue in greenwich village, holding hands and laughing that deep warm laughter of new love. it was sweet to see.

us old folks don't really bother the celebrities. we're used to seeing them. and if it's mid-day and they're shooting a film, or a television show with all their camaras and trailers and catering junk all in the way and blocking the flow of the natural rhythm of the city then it's a pain in the butt.

the Pres Obama even apologised once for coming to town and causing so much traffic hassle with his private cars and security and all. i thought he gets it, comin' in here messing up our rhythm.

well when i saw javier and penelope i was a bit surprised. it was so early and i was kind of sleep-walking, i thought maybe i was in a film or something. it was only me and them on the street at that particular moment. javier remembered the manners his momma taught him as when our eyes met, he smiled and said 'hola.' i was still so surprised, so uncool of me! i forget my english and my spanish and could only smile and nod my head. hope it was polite enough...

after the rain...

2010-03-16T17:54:00.000+01:00

we've had rain since friday....

aujourd'hui le ciel est bleu!

just a feeling from a picture

2010-03-16T07:03:00.001+01:00

the photo above i saw in a magazine. for some reason it has stayed with me. i think it may have something to do with these two persons, annie leibovitz and mikhail baryshnikov being so good at what they do, to put it mildly. i guess in the face of such talent i am speechless with admiration. the first photo is the adorable nicole kidman, this photo was taken by annie leibovitz. i saw the original at an exhibit, it is stunning.

someone once said that they find the work of annie leibovitz superficial. funny how individually we can have varied reactions. i guess that's how it works right? taste is individual...

though she photographs celebrities, for me i like the way she is able to somehow move beyond the surface and capture the person, or a feeling... can't quite put my finger on it.

i saw baryshnikov in an interview once where he talked about his defect from russia, describing himself literally running to get away... incredible. how time passes and history remains...

lastly, i especially like his feet in the photo. at first i thought what funny looking feet! then it dawned on me, he is a dancer, and an exquisite one at that, and dancers got ugly feet i hear. all those hours doing what they do you get ugly feet, yet they make such hard work and sweat look light, easy, beautiful...

2010-03-15T01:12:00.000+01:00

think... of the world you carry within you... be it remembrance of your own childhood or longing for your own future. only be attentive to what is arising in you, and prize it above all that you perceive around you. what happens most deeply inside you is worthy of your whole love. work with that and don't waste too much time and courage explaining it to other people.

rome, december 23, 1903
from letters to a young poet
rainer maria rilke

my sister

2010-03-13T21:51:00.000+01:00

i went to the hair stylist the other day and she cut my hair in a cute little short style. i like it very much. but my hair never looks the same or even nice the next day or any other day that i don't visit the hairstylist. the reason is because i have no idea how to do my hair, i never have. i remember as a girl when my mom stopped doing my hair (and she did it really nice) and told me that it is time, that i am old enough to begin doing my own hair. i not only had no idea what to do, i had no interest in learning. i've always just wanted my hair to look pretty, but i've had no interest in doing it. i guess i'd have to get in a long line of women who share the same sentiments.

so the other day the stylist did a nice job, and i look at my hair today and i think it would be nice for example, to invent a story, if my sister were a hair dresser. let's say we live together and each morning before going to work she would do a quick and easy 1.2.3. and i've have a cute little hairdo and we'd both be off to begin our days...

i reminded myself that not only have i not talked to my sister in a while, and not only does she totally have her own life, i have never mentioned her to you. i like and love my sister very much. i don't know if two sisters could be more different in character, well i suppose there is lots of room for that possibility. i am the shyer more reserved one, and my sister has enough confidence and outgoingness to share. she's lots of fun and the party really does begin when she arrives (my mom is the same). she married and started a family young and loves being a mom, whereas i'd have to read a manual to learn to put a diaper on properly, and were i to marry, i'd have to marry a man who doesn't mind being second to my love for solitude, reading, and lots of books (though i'd try to convince him he's not second:).

my sister and i don't see one another very often. i think mostly because when we were growing up our lives were so different, she was out on the town with her friends, and i was inside reading. we never really spent a lot of time together and i guess it spilled over into our adult lives.

thing is, we like, admire, respect and love one another a great deal. when we do see one another it is a deep pleasure. my nephew once asked in frustration, why when my sister and i are together we start right away giggling and telling stories about when we were girls. stories of my sister protecting me from the neighborhood bullies, or me having serious conversations with my sister about why she should take time with her school lessons.

when she graduated from high school and had absolutely no interest in going to university, i talked her into going. i told her that university is far more fun than high school. what did i know, just that i loved being in school. her first year there she met her boyfriend who became later her husband and father of her children. he blames me for having fallen in love with such a strong willed woman...

i got to thinking that i should see my sister more often, i simply should.

one afternoon my sister and i were at a little gathering. there were people there we had never met. as my sister and i don't see one another often, we stole away to a corner and just sat and laughed and connected all over again. i over heard someone ask who we were. and then said, 'sisters? wow, they are happy together.' my heart was touched. a stranger appreciated us giggling over in the corner. i do hope that the love that my sister and i have for one another is a beauty in itself, and perhaps that is something that can be seen, this is my hope...

just came to mind while reading...

2010-03-13T08:29:00.000+01:00

i went to finland once, and then again a few times after that. there, this city girl counted lakes, and walked in the woods... rowed on the lake in a canoe, and picked berries in the woods. and too waited until the others came back from fishing with the catch of the day. we transformed freshly caught fish into the most delicious kind of fish caserole (though i had nothing to do with it). i did have something to do with the berry pie cause i helped to pick the berries...

entre hiver et printemps

2010-03-12T02:32:00.000+01:00

in between winter and springtime we find ourselves, on the cusp. the dry gray days of winter not quite behind us, and the hope and colour of springtime waiting in the wings. another wintertime in our book of life we can check off in a matter of days. what a sweet present. i try to be mindful of my time, what i've done and what i'm doing, and too what you're up to. when you tell me about all the goodies you're up to, me wee heart just loves it.

as springtime is nearly here and we are full of the hope that this change in season brings, i found myself listing all the things i am thankful for. i even surprised myself. it's difficult for me to count my blessings because i feel like they might disappear. i know i'm not alone in this feeling, as i've heard some of you share similar feelings. but i'm so happy that these are just fears, they are not reality. and i suppose there is something, a lot, connected to counting our blessings, naming the stuff that works out alright. i find that there is our reality, what is real, not the bogey man stuff that goes on in our heads.

so lots of goodies to count...

deelisshhous lunch today with a dear friend
weather warm enough where i did not have to wear a scarf
here writing and waiting for a favorite television program to start
started reading a new book today, the girl with the dragon tattoo.
cooked a little delicious dinner as well... and had tea and cookies (for dipping) afterwards
and i saw the cutest cutest little girl today with her mother. she was going on and on talking and talking. i couldn't get over how cute she was.

that's it for now. good. i once heard a woman who is a survivor of the holocaust say that a boring evening at home is a good day. her words were so simple and profound, they touched me and i still remember them, even 10 years later. i suppose so, considering what she has been through, to be safe at home is one of the sweetest things...

silly

2010-03-10T23:48:00.000+01:00

i was visiting a friend of mine once and he told me about the cutest little patisserie right down stairs from his apartment and how we should go there sometimes and have a coffee. it really is the cutest little thing. it's tiny with about six little tables inside. there they have croissants and cakes and pastries. the sweets really are quite yummy. there is a little cosy warm atmosphere about it as well. not a lot of people know about it i imagine, as it is never over crowed. it is always full, all six tables filled, and one might have to wait a few moments for one to open up. it's nice this way, this lovely little space hidden from the manhattan masses.

i've only been there a handful of times and each time i go there is, or shortly arriving, a little old lady with her few grocery bags. she sets them on a chair and orders a coffee and pastry and there she relaxes and enjoys. i think she must go there everyday, as i have only been there a few times, yet every time i go, she is there.

then you know what i thought? well, i thought, if i had a cute little cafe right down stairs from where i lived i would go everyday too. i really did think this and wish this, only a few months ago.

well. one has opened, right down stairs! i walk out my front door and take about seven steps and it is right there. and it is the cutest loveliest little thing. i was coming in one night, and the little windows had candles burning. sweet i tell you. and i really had to smile to myself, life is a funny thing. i feel like the angels like to have fun with me...

thing is, well 2 things. it might 'only' be a bakery. they have sweets and breads and coffee and tea cause i can see and look right in those big ol' pretty display windows with cook books and breads and goodies in the window.

the 2nd thing, which i am quite embarrassed to admit is that i've not been in. maybe they have been open for three or four weeks. i've been shy to go in, silly i know!! but i don't see any little cafe tables in there either, a place for sitting. there is a main area where all the goodies are, and in that space there is no seating. there is a big ol' archway toward the back (and it is a small space) that i see the people who work there disappear through, and i can't tell if there are tables back there.

so here i am thinking overtime about the cutest cafe that i want to visit everyday and i 'm too shy to go in, to cross the threshold. i think i will work up the courage soon, i'll go in for tea 'to go' and see what the deal is.

but i'm glad it's there, all sweet looking and everything, with their little candles burning in the window when i come in at night. and i should stop being so self centered, i imagine as a new business they are simply waiting for people to come on in and order lots...

i'll let you know more when i know more...

signes de printemps

2010-03-08T19:23:00.000+01:00

little by little spring is finding it's way to us. love it! the sun is shining kinda big today, and the weekend was incredibly spring-like. oh i know we could get back to the winter greys at any moment, but signs of spring are particularly evident and i do loves it.

i hope you had a sweet weekend. i had some stuff to do and i got it done. when i made my deadline today i was particularly pleased. it felt good, and it makes me want to do more...

i watched the oscars last night, after i said i wouldn't. i've been a bit 'celebrityed out.' i made a little dinner, poured meself a nice glass of rasberry belgium beer (do you know it? it's de-lish), and watched the pretty dresses. that Christoph Waltz who won for inglorious basterds seems to be a true old school artist. one who takes his craft seriously. i hang on his every poetic word...

anywho, it's monday monday, and i do hope you are well. i'm coming 'round to see. thanks so much for your messages, i just love them. we have a little community here and i must admit i enjoy it.

be good you!

back real! soon

2010-03-04T05:13:00.000+01:00

hello dear you! I am away from blogland longer than I want to be. i've been a bit tied up this week. but to tell the truth, i miss being here, so i will be back before you know it. just wanted to touch base and share me missing you. hope you are well and i am thinking of ya!

are you well?

love is what i send...

bisou!

far from home

2010-02-27T10:39:00.000+01:00

there's a newish market in madrid, they have little stands that sell lots of goodies to eat. one is a little french company, too bad i can't remember the name, which sells oysters. there we stood, my friend s. and i, wondering which oysters to select. you see i know very little about oysters, but i love 'em. i love the taste of the sea that i get from them. i asked the young man behind the counter which one's would he recommend. i always like to ask for recommendations from the people who work in a place, because they know. he explains the various tastes of the different oysters to me (i should have written down what i learned, but i didn't, and now i've forgotten) and i chose according to my taste.

i do realise oysters are not for everyone. but strangely i like them, and these were delicious. it's a glass refrigerated case-full of ice and oysters, french white wine, a friendly guy with standing behind a small glass counter, not much more, still plenty. while my friend and i savored the flavors of the sea our friend behind the counter poured us little cool glasses of white wine. he was cute. i asked him where he was from. with hesitation and the biggest smile he shared that he was from morocco.

intently he asks me, 'have i ever been?'

'no i haven't,' i say.

'you should, you will love it,' is his suggestion.

point is, the oysters and cool white wine were so deliciously served by this friendly young man that i returned about two weeks later with another friend. i've mentioned to you that i can be shy until i can warm to you and then you can't shut me up.

when i returned to this little french stand in madrid with my other friend i wanted her to taste their goodies and to see this lovely young man. it's just that i enjoyed his passion for what he was serving as well as the tiny bit he shared about his country.

my friend like the oysters and white wine too. i kind of stood on the side and let her enjoy. the guy who works there looked at me standing over to the side from the corner of his eye, and said to me

'you have come back?'

i smiled, 'you remember me,' i say.

'of course,' he answers back.

in this moment my friend asks him where in morocco he is from. he tells her. it's all greek to me, i know nothing about morocco. and the two of them take off, for she is familiar with places and spaces in morocco. they go on about his town, which to his surprise she has been to, along with some other favorite destinations that they share. they speak of festivals, and family and friends. and he almost sings about how he misses he country and longs to be there.

i stayed on the side finding deep pleasure in my oysters, white wine, friends connecting and sharing a love for a place that at that moment seemed so far away. still in a time and in a moment we feel less alone in the company of one another, a sweet company shared...

it's late on this side. i'm tired, went to dinner and a movie tonight. i should sleep now, and i will. just that i wanted to write a wee bit as writing eases my heart. so if this story is full of mistakes or is utterly uninteresting, do forgive me. i'm drunk with sleep and i simply can't tell.

ok, off to sleep now... i hope you are well... and have a lovely sunday...

just snowing

2010-02-25T20:18:00.000+01:00

snow again here in the city. i ask myself how do they know that every single snow flake is different. if it is true that is quite remarkable. we've some nice, fat ones now, nice fluffy floaty snow flakes. some schools have been closed. i used to adore snow days, staying home from school, playing in the snow; literally a child's winter wonderland. i think i've mentioned how i love when the snow falls, how it quiets everything, slows down this busy city, covers all in a soft white blanket...

a friend called me yesterday frustrated about work. she was quite upset. i listened. i've been there so i knew exactly what she meant, but for that moment, the best thing was to blow off steam... hope she's feeling better now.

tea is brewing, and i've my 'to do' list. just wanted to pop in and connect with you a moment. hope you are well... sending love...

on blooming later

2010-02-22T21:51:00.000+01:00

had a reunion with some university 'sisters' this weekend. ok, i'll confess, in university i pledged a sorority. i was a bit naive about the whole deal. i totally thought the sisterhood was a cool way to work in community service, at least that is how it was sold to me. once i was in, i had a chance to see that it was far different from what i thought it would be, so i distanced myself.

all through the years the girls get together quite often, but i have never joined in. i was urged to come and hang out for an evening at one of the girl's house. dinner, wine, catching up and connecting was in store.

it was quite nice. it's amazing to see how after all these years how our lives are taking shape. in general i have angered (really angered) family and friends simply because i haven't married and started a family. i'm too busy planning my next trip...

but i do think there comes a time, if not a moment in time, or perhaps along the way, when i ask myself what am i doing and where am i going.

it truly is a gift to say i like where i am now and i hope to continue to grow into myself. there is much to do; career, home, love... but it's a lot easier to do these things when one's heart is not broken as mine have been over the years by people i love.

what's sweet, is coming into my own, learning that it is my heart that says so, not anyone or anything else. i was torn by everyone else's idea of who i should be. now i know that it is me, myself that needs to say yes to what i need and want. and it feels really good to be getting to this place.

the time with the girls was incredibly lovely. and definitely a reminder to be true to myself and continue in my efforts to shape a life for myself that is pleasing. they are well into what they have chosen for themselves. i, myself am onto a late start for what i personally want and need, loving myself and following my heart. but it feels really good to have figured out this essential piece of the puzzle.

here, you encourage me... and i am immensely grateful. i read your comments, thoughts and ideas, and i am warmed and i feel thought of... thank you!

and i see your comments from the last post too. lovely!! merci beaucoup sweeties...

barcelona

2010-02-19T19:11:00.000+01:00

you my dear friends may know by now that my mind works best during storytelling. when i have the chance to visit a place, and when i return, friends will say 'so tell me about your trip.' i never know really where to begin because my mind simply doesn't work in a way where i would say 'i saw this and i saw this...' my mind works by way of telling stories.

i've been at a loss for words lately when a friend asked about some tips for visiting barcelona, i lived in barcelona for a year (and madrid for four years). as she is going for a week in may, i've been wondering what to say by way of suggestions of what to do and see in barcelona. i figured out why i have not come up with anything to say, which i thought was quite strange.

in general all the tour books lay out clearly the must sees when visiting a place, so i would not be telling her any secrets when i mention the sacrada familia. ...when i visit a place, i visit in such an organic manner. i never really know what i'm going to do, so it's difficult for me to suggest to someone 'you should see this.' i mostly feel my way around, see what my heart says when i wake up that morning. but i may have figured something out. as you know i like to tell stories, so i thought of some of my favorite memories and am beginning to get some ideas...

you see, i can't say 'you should visit the Mediterranean sunset,' but i can tell you about the most gorgeous sunset i have ever seen. while living in barcelona some friends invited me for an evening in Sitges, which i have never heard of. they thought i should see it as it is absolutely beautiful. it's just outside of barcelona. we took the train out. when i arrived, the sun was just beginning to set. we walked along the sea taking in the breath-taking prettiness of the seaside small town. there, one will visit a feeling. a feeling of walking casually along the sea with friends who i loved being with, laughing and having fun, conversations and spirits in awe of the beauty of this simple small town. i happened to look up again and visually captured a moment when the sun itself seemed the biggest and the most golden and the most present and close it has ever seemed in all my life. there it was, beautiful warm, huge, round; a golden ball with hints of red ever present just before my eyes. my heart seemed to stall for a moment. we all stood in awe as it slipped down into the horizon ...and only rays of light continued to light the horizon after the sun had set.

i hope i never forget that moment when my heart was touched so by such beauty in the midst of such wonderful sweet company. we all strolled over to a tiny out door cafe terrace for sipping of something cool or sweet while we discussed where on earth should we have dinner.

so i remember now, i can say to my friend, if you think it might please you, you and your sweetie could spend the day by the sea in Sitges, or simply travel out by train before sunset, have a walk along the sea, before going off to dinner.

and then maybe i'll remember... of course!! the fun fantastical colourful playland of parc güell.

indeed too, barcelona's stunning architecture along the grand boulevards. In barcelona, there, it may be that you find yourself drinking a bit less of spain's delicious red wine, and sipping a bit more on Cava, spain's own luscious sparkling wine, as champagne can only be called so when it's actually made in the champagne region of france.

it's coming back to me now... i think i might have a few things to share...

you, what's on for the weekend? i hope you will enjoy it in your own special way!! have you had the feeling of more sunsine? like the sun is getting closer to us, and hanging around a little longer during the day... spring on the way?

sweet weekend dear You!!

happy love day

2010-02-13T20:17:00.000+01:00

i used to get into a lot of trouble when i was in my twenties. if a certain young man who i was interested in came to my apartment, there he would find cute little valentine gifts on my bookshelf, or on a coffee table. little bears that said i love you, little hearts that asked me to be their valentine. he'd wonder where were these gifts from...

you see i've never thought of valentine's day as a sweethearts day, i've simply thought of it as a love day. this is because when i was a little girl, my mom would give me, all of my siblings, valentine's day goodies. they were little bears, or little hearts, candy or perfume. and i've kept them over the years and as they were these little things. i'd tuck them in little places as a reminder of my mom's thoughts of me.

and when the gentlemen saw them they were a bit confused, and i'd have to explain that they were from my mom. they were not always convinced. i secretly liked remembering that i was already loved, and if things were to work out and he and i became boyfriend and girlfriend, well that was like icing on the cake. more love is simply sweeter!!

i hope your day is sweet. and too, remember all the varied ways that love takes its place in your life...

sending valentine kisses!!

buddies

2010-02-10T20:12:00.000+01:00

i've a friend who is to be married in about a month. we sat yesterday for hours over hot chocolate discussing her fears, her concerns, her hopes and excitement.

we talked about making love and making babies. how beautiful! i wish her every good thing. and i reminded her that i will be right there. so on that day, look into my eyes if you need to, and know that nervousness is quite normal when you mean it; love for life. i will walk with you while you do this! my heart spun around each time she told me how much she loves him. ...i left our time together walking on air...

today the snow falls intently, i plan to meet another friend to play in the snow... i really mean play... running and jumping and rolling in piles of snow. remember?

you... i hug!!

wanderlust

2010-02-03T19:57:00.000+01:00

upon return from mon voyage... ahh... it's been a while since i've been around.

no cell phone, no computers... out of touch in a way. it was really nice to be out of the city in the wide open spaces of colorado, with lots of sunshine and the merriment of celebrating a friend's birthday.

it's nice to return as well, catch up with friends and see how they are and what they have been up to.

when signing on now this feeling came over me, oh how i miss this space where we share our stories and our doings... sweet indeed! i hope you are well!

when i was a girl, my mom would put me and my sister on an airplane every summer to go and spend the summer with family in florida. we were so little, we had our little name tags and the flight attendants would look after us until we arrived and family would pick us up at the airport. i wonder if this is when my love of travel began, or perhaps i was born with this wander lust...

found this poem last night...

go to the limits of your longing
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us out of the night.

these are the words we dimly hear,

you, sent out beyond recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
embody Me.

by rilke

kiss u!

the little things...

2010-01-26T00:30:00.000+01:00

things are quiet on this side. i haven't been up to much. we had rain storms today. it hasn't rained so hard and so long for a long time. while sleeping last night i dreamed of the rain banging into the windows. so nice to be warm and cosy inside.

i've a little trip this weekend, really little, 2 days. i'll go and visit a friend and celebrate a birthday. i love traveling, even if it is a little travel. what to pack, right? i'll pack a little bag. i might keep it simple and classic; black slacks and a nice white shirt, kinda kathryn hepburnish...

how are you these days? i hope well. i'm alright. nothing special, but in a way it all seems quite beautiful. love it!

know what? i think of you and wonder what you are up to sometimes... i really do.

bisou!

lush life

2010-01-19T20:48:00.000+01:00

there is an expression... life is not a dress rehearsal...

...when referring to life itself, that this life is not the practice go round, so let's live as fully as we possibly can. and as the lovely dianne carol once said so beautifully, it takes a minute to try and figure out how to live in the way of our dreams.

when i see lady gaga, i always think what she is wearing and doing is interesting. some of it i like, and some of it i dislike... but i think, at least she's not saving it for the real thing. when i see her she's full on.

she shared a bit about her creative process, how she wakes up in the morning and begins her designs, or writing songs, and putting together what has been presented to us as lady gaga.

thing is, it reminds us to play and have fun at the stuff we love...

speaking of playing, can you imagine playing at painting. i did make the georgia o'keeffe exhibit and it was quite beautiful. i adore the way she painted with such lush colours and abstract images, the way the paint seemed to swim across the canvas in the most sensual and sweetest of pinks and greens, blues and creams...

i'm hoping you are having the most lucious day lovely!!

taste the air

2010-01-16T18:11:00.000+01:00

i do keep Haiti on my mind. i'm deeply pleased about the response for help from seemingly all corners of the globe. there's a spirit in the air to lend help in the form of prayers, well wishes, material, monetary, and physical and intellectual doings. there's something special about this horrific moment in haiti's already troubled history, there seems to be little judgement. so many just want to lend a hand as best they can. i like this.

there are some people from louisiana that say that after the horrors of hurricane katrina, louisiana is coming back and is better than it was before disaster came. better than before in terms of quality building and infrastructure, as well as a healthy wake-up call for the suffering of folks. it's a long wake-up call, but it seems that many are getting it.

last night before drifting off to sleep i came across this poem that i'll share with you if you don't mind. when i read it, i thought... yup, that's it...

...

september twelfth, 2001

...

two caught on film who hurtle

from the eighty-second floor,

choosing between a fireball

and to jump holding hands,

aren't us. i wake beside you,

stretch, scratch, taste the air,

the incredible joy of coffee

and the morning light.

alive, we open our eyelids

on our pitiful share of time,

we bubbles rising and bursting

in a boiling pot.

...

by x.j. kennedy

...

i hope you and yours are sweet and well. do have a nice weekend. i'm off to catch the georgia o'keefe exhibit at the whitney museum. tomorrow is the last day, so i haven't completely waited 'til the last minute;)

i'm thinking of you... thanks a big bunch for the thoughts you've share in connection to my previous posts. i like so much our diverse ways of sending and sharing good thoughts...

bisou you!!

2010-01-13T19:39:00.000+01:00

haiti on my mind.

i'm thankful for doing well.

there are brothers and sisters facing devastation in haiti. may we help, and share with one another genuinely, always, not only in times of crises...

in times of crises i so often feel at a loss for how to help. i know nothing. information is shared saying help can be lended here http://www.redcross.org

how you doing?

2010-01-12T18:10:00.000+01:00

i'm kinda doing the nuts and bolts of life... and i insert some sweet stuff wherever i can. butter pecan ice cream, tiramisu, godiva chocolates... had some vanilla cookies with my tea this morning. wrote a little poem...

how are you? hope your week is coming along alright.

i'm sending kisses!

cosy

2010-01-09T00:13:00.000+01:00

it just occured to me that everyone who reads this blog has a sweetie!! well me loves, do have a sweet and cosy weekend. wrap up nice and warm and savor!!

these below?... well i couldn't resist!

sweet weekend dear You! ...and i mean that...

glam squad

2010-01-07T18:42:00.000+01:00

ok i'm lazy when it comes to getting dressed, but i'm working on it. i wake up and ask meself, what to wear today? i adore pretty things, but i can't be bothered to think about it. maybe it has to do with doing the corporate thing for so many years. a sleek tahari soft green suit, cream coloured silk blouse, silk hose and patent leather pumps; my uniform in various shades, hues and fabrics. i did it for years, and now am simply lazy...

dinner and a movie tomorrow night with what i call the glam squad. some of the sweetest people who lead glamourous lives are having dinner tomorrow night, and i'm wondering what to wear.

i'm no fan of kate moss (above) don't know why, just a feeling, and i know nothing about her, but i like her look. add a few pounds (i'm not tiny like her, cause i likes me chocolates, but i'm alright i think) and i would love to rock something comfy and cool and cute like this... hmmm, think i'll think about it...

rockn' and rolling

2010-01-06T17:00:00.001+01:00

whoa! one of those mornings. they say you know you are getting older when you wake up and feel like you have a hangover and you haven't been drinking. think i ate something yesterday that left me stomach a little funny and me head groggy. i like to sip my tea calm and sweet in the morning. this morning i felt like i needed a little something stronger to bring me out of my grogginess and clear me head.

i've some tea from london. for some reason their stuff is strong (at least for me). i distinctly remember buying it in a gorgeous little tea shop in london. the lady there was so pretty amongst all the teas and pretty things. i remember as she was ringing my purchase up thinking 2 things; 1. that she is so pretty. and 2. how long will this tea last me until i can come to london again.

i'm finding instead of stretching the goods, i'll just have to visit london and me other favs more often.

the picture above reminds me so much of the eighties. i had my very first job while in school working in manhattan, down in greenwich village. i was in awe of the vibe down there. punk rockers were everywhere with their purple and green and pink hair. loved it! felt like i was on another planet.

been a while since i've connected with you... i dew plan to drop in!!

hope your day is sweet... and you are well...

bonne et belle année!!

2010-01-02T06:22:00.000+01:00

"you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~dr. seuss

do have a wonderful new year!!

dear you

2009-12-28T21:51:00.000+01:00

it's normal right, the year is coming to an end. we become reflective, what has been. what is. what will be. it has been said, a life unexamined is not worth living...

year end festivities. do celebrate, do have fun in your own special way. and remember...

when making your list of desired improvements and simply desires, perhaps make another list...
of all the ways you have been wonderful this year!

have yourself...

2009-12-24T22:28:00.000+01:00

thinking of You, have yourself a nice one...

brand new day!

2009-12-23T16:27:00.000+01:00

brand new day... what to wear?

have a nice one, dear You!

mais pas encore

2009-12-22T18:55:00.000+01:00

i'm breaking taboo again by talking about the weather... baby it's cold outside! we had pretty nice and not so cold weather up until now. i had a friend once who moved here from israel in the summertime and loved it here. he had heard rumours about how cold it gets in nyc in the wintertime and asked me about it. 'does it get cold here, he asks?' 'extremely.' was my gentle reply. he was afraid as he should have been. it freezes here in the wintertime, and the thing that makes it painful is that for the most part, new yorkers walk long distances all the time, every day. so we don't have the comfort of popping in our cars, driving somewhere and then popping into a cosy warm interior. so for the most part we live the sting of winter and it's painful.

as it hasn't gotten cold up til now, i thought, maybe this winter won't be so bad. but the cold has come on suddenly and with fervor. so this morning while dressing i was talking to myself like a little girl. 'girl it's alright, brace yourself 'cause it's cold. you know the deal, and it'll be cold for some months now.

we buddle up and head out for the day, until we can come home again and curl up and shake off the day...

i mentioned during big holidays my little corner of the world empties out. it's such a physical telling of all the folks who move to nyc from somewhere else. i love all the different faces and sounds of different languages being spoken. i sometimes just close my eyes when i'm walking and hear simultaneously all the different languages i can hear in my hearing distance. it's beautiful, so much like a song.

no my sweet people from somewhere else have gone home for the holidays. it's a bit of a pretty snowy ghost town, and this i love too. and i find comfort in knowing that i just have to hop on the subway and travel literally a few stops and i'm in the thick of greenwhich village, times square, lincoln center, park ave... in no time, depending on my mood...

but i have always liked quiet places that i can sneak away to when the hustle and bustle gets to me. i take a breather, and then i'm on my way again. one of the places i like to duck into is st. patrick's cathedral. it's gorgeous. i so often just sit there and soak in the beauty of the space...

but wheather i'm hanging inside or outside, in the freezing cold or cosy interiors, i try to appreciate the pretty parts that the city has to offer, all it's various moods and manifestations...

i have the below picture in my archive of photos. i think of it these days, when i comfort myself in saying spring always follows winter! this photo captures precisely what we feel like when we come out of a nyc city winter; exhausted, relieved, pleased, excited and warmed.

that's the thing right... we appreciate the sunny days so much deeply because of the grey winter days... to be loved and appreciated in their own way.

mais pas encore mon amis, not just yet my friends, we've got winter to delight ourselves in. every season in it's own time...

p.s. you know how when you or a friend tastes something and it's horrible, you scrunch up your face and say 'taste this!' yuck. ...why do we do that?

i have what i call a 5 year gap year. when i lived in spain all kinds of stuff happened here in the states that i knew nothing about. i remember returning home one Christmas and wondering who is Paris Hilton, as she had been everywhere, television, magazines, newspapers, and i had zero idea who she was.

and stuff like this, i still can't put together. but i must say i like her boots! have a look, or taste this! herehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfvOgEEsaO8

have a wonderful day! & be warm...

girl talk

2009-12-21T20:59:00.000+01:00

talked by phone with my longtime friend g. today. hee hee we stumbled upon the idea of how when we were girls in our twenties how we would get dressed in cute little dresses to go out on the town for the evening. the idea came about by seeing the young ladies now in little dresses and high heels in a snow storm. we had to laugh because we did the very same thing as stupid as it is.

oh i loved the fashion from the eighties...

it makes most people cringe, but it's nostalgic for me, when it's so much fun for a girl to be adorably pretty... i had all kinds of magazines piled up near a wall in my room. my mom would walk in and just smile. i loved books and fashion magazines and they filled my room...

daahling...

2009-12-21T20:07:00.000+01:00

daahling, so what are you doing for Christmas?

Christmas is coming in it's own time. i've heard some various stories. M.'s family calls almost everyday in excited expectations of his return home, and too they discuss the menu for Christmas eve and day, a kind of distant collaboration until he arrives...

G. is going to new england to a big house way deep in the woods, there she'll play with friends, meals in front a cosy fireplace (she's a wonderful cook), walks in the woods, will there be snow?

P. is one of many who suffer during this time, dissappointed expectations, family drama... i'm trying to think of a lovely gift to ease the pain.

this holiday always brings a mix of excitement and anticipation for some, and a bit, if not a whole lot of dread for others.

for me, to begin the day i hope to keep my recent tradition. where i live empties out during holidays, most people are from someplace else. it really is like a ghost town, something out of twilight zone. i love it, more space and more peace in the absence of the crowds. i like to get up really early, 7ish in the morning and go for a walk along the boardwalk. steamy tea in hand. there, families with little ones are already out, as the little ones get up incredibly early i suppose. sweeties too are holding hands enjoying the new Christmas morning. there are only a little bit of us out and it's real sweet. then i return to join friends and family to see what Santa has brought...

snow dreams

2009-12-20T18:01:00.000+01:00

i believe it was the novelist elmore leonard who mentioned one should never begin a story with the weather... how boring.

does it count that this really isn't a story... the city is covered in snow! it's a winter wonderland, i aim to find my way deep into central park to play...

happy sunday to you...

qu'est-ce que tu fais ce week-end?

2009-12-19T21:55:00.000+01:00

thing is, there's always a reason not to write. i learned that some time ago. some years ago i had a cyst on my eye and i was scheduled for minor surgery to remove it. i was in university at the time and that afternoon i had an appointment to meet with my advisor. i thought the little surgery would be a snap, then i'd go and meet my advisor afterwards regarding a writing assignment i had. turned out the little surgery was more painful and bloody than i thought. i left the doctors office with a bit of a shiner and in deep pain. why didn't i know that even though the removal of the bump on my eye was nothing serious, that whole part of the face is incredibly sensitive around the eye, and the eyelids. how painful.

i was in too much pain to go through my meeting with my advisor, i went by his office to tell him so and to make my apologies. he was sympathetic, but saw no reason not to have our meeting. i felt i couldn't go on, but he insisted. it would only take 5 minutes to give me my writing instructions, he let me know. that was a painful 5 minutes. then, there, i thought, there is always a good reason not to write. much can claim our time and attention.

my eye healed nearly perfectly. that was the plan. while at the eye doctor, when first having the little bump on my eye examined, the doctor specifically said he was going to send me to a specialist. i remember his words as he hovered over me looking closely at my eyelid, shining that light just brightly. he said 'when this is removed, you want this to look like it was never there.' the specialist did an excellent job, only i can see the miniscule scar, because i know just where to look. ...our scars remind us of where we've been. i have a real nice one on my knee that i call my italian scar. i got it on a train ride from rome to naples one lovely morning, ...but that's a different story.

and here we are again, another reason not to write. here in the big city we are having our first real snow fall. the snow is pretty and soft, floating down silently these pre-Christmas days. thought i sit down and write a bit, and then i saw the snow fall. the first one! i want to be out in it. ...what about writing? hmmm...

sweet saturday dear You!
bon week-end

yum yum, hot wine...

2009-12-18T21:00:00.000+01:00

for some reason i'd never heard of Christmas markets before spending a few years in spain. there, it was my friends from finland that invited me to the german Christmas market in madrid. what a mix right? there i learned of all the creative goodies that one could buy as gifts for Christmas. I learned too, about hot wine. there are various names for this yummy brew of hot wine which can have fruit and nuts in it depending on which country you happen to find yourself in during the holiday season. I just love it, wandering through the markets on chilly nights, feasting upon all the goodies that are offered. what makes it especially special too is traveling these markets with friends, sipping hot wine, chatting, munching, shopping...

...do hope these days leading up to Christmas are good for you...

sending melodic Christmas carol hugs... do have a sweet weekend.

image from life

le niveau suivant

2009-12-17T19:55:00.001+01:00

yesterday i got my yoga class schedule a bit mixed up. i ended up in a more advanced class, and boy was it advanced. at one moment i asked... is she really standing on her head while her legs are sideways touching the floor. hmmm. it was wonderful because it made me think, to see what progress looks like. i said to the teacher afterwards that i can see where i can challenge myself to move myself to the next level.

i'm a very visual person. so seeing for me is believing. i think this is a wonderful metaphor for life. at the same time there are some pretty profound teachings about hoping when that which is hoped for is not seen. and too, sometimes seeing helps us to see what the next level can look like, and we can align ourselves in such a way to prepare for growth...

is it really almost Christmas? one friend was telling me of her holiday plans and i marveled at how she had it all together so soon. i looked at the calender and saw that Christmas is next week!

i do hope your preparations are coming along nicely...

(if you don't use it you lose it. after studying french intensely for a year, i feel like i remember almost nothing. i will try to eke out a few words here. don't pay this section any mind. le niveau suivant, or should it be le niveau prochaine...)

listening to michael jackson's human nature... phew, what a year. but too, it has been quite beautiful for me in many ways. i hope twenty o nine was/is good to you.

sending kisses...

bises...

2009-12-15T05:58:00.000+01:00

the actress robin wright penn talked about never really liking her work as an actress during an interview on charlie rose. she also talked about fear, and how after a while it's so tiresome being afraid all the time. thing is, she shares, just do it, fail if you have to, there may be something on the other side of that fear.

she has a new film out called the private lives of pippa lee, which looks good but heavy. she was teary eyed saying this work she is proud of. ... i enjoy her as an actress. i'm surprised to hear that she has not been satisfied with her work. i'm pleased to hear that this performance she loves. i'm sorry that fear holds us in it's grips.

each day is a new opportunity, a new chance to try again. i love that this is...

don't call it a comeback

2009-12-14T21:56:00.000+01:00

i think the singer sade is quite stunning. i wrote in a post some time ago how there are some things that are difficult for me to indulge in because they are too heartfelt. i want to move in another direction rather than feel so deeply. i bet you this is the cause too of some of my frustration these days. the good stuff i want to run and hide from... deep flavors of sun dried tomatoes, these days too, garlic... the flavors are intense. an incredibly well written novel with rich dialogue... i may have to take a seat on a shrinks sofa to find out what that's about. or as mentioned, sit and sip wine with a friend and talk about it.

sade has a new album (i love using the word album, it's so retro) coming out in early 2010 (i like saying twenty ten too). it is her first in almost a decade. i was at her last concert in 2000, front row. i simply adore her soulful sensual heartbreaking lyrics. thing is, she takes these incredibly loooonnng breaks between albums. she says she takes time for living, and caring for the people she loves. makes perfect sense to me.

some writers call it a come back. they don't know what they're talking about. they may even be too young, unless they have been writing for the past twenty five years. if they have been then they know that she purposely takes long periods of time between her musical recordings. she loves performing, but she loves her family and friends even more, and would rather spend the time with them. and when the desire to produce and perform presents itself again... she graces us with her presence.

once when i was to buy tickets to one of her concerts, a friend of mine asked me if i could really sit through a sade concert, wouldn't that be too boring she asks me. i knew then that sade's slow melodic style is not for everyone. i can respect that. when sade left the stage almost ten years ago she was in her early 40's, i was not sure if i would see her again. now at 50, she's back, simply. love it! in my opinion she has a tiny bit of age in her voice, and this i love as well. it seems like a life lived with beautiful music with family and friends that sweeten each and everyday, or present those bitter days that encourage seasoning and growth. you may know what i mean.

and too i think about my own life. as the living is happening i look to season my days in such a way that i am as excited about my own self and journey, as i am about the journey of another, or perhaps even more so, just cause it's healthier that way. anywho, she's back and i'm excited.

have a look from one of her past songs from the eighties... the sweetest taboo here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo0daUXSV5M

is there someone who's music you adore? do tell sweet you!

i'm just sayin'

2009-12-12T20:34:00.000+01:00

in connection to the tiger woods' scandal... his wife bought a 2.2. million dollar home in sweden (the yellow one on the right). i'm just saying the home looks nice. you know my imagination, i won't even bother to talk about the gossip, scandal, betrayal and heartbreak. i'm just saying this looks like a really nice place for a girl and her babies to get away, to shake off and heal from all that breaks the heart. girlfriends can come over for a nice cup of tea, while away the afternoon hours which can spin into evening where delicious wine and dinner is insisted upon. the sweet love of loved ones can lift a heart...

speaking of love and friends, you did a really nice thing in my last post. your comments were sweet, inspiring and comforting. you know what, i was still a bit stuck, yesterday while sitting on the sofa i checked in and read your messages. i just disconnected from the computer then and savored your words of inspiration and comfort... thanks so much!! it helps a lot.

not a drip drop

2009-12-08T21:18:00.000+01:00

and you? how are you? what are you up to dear Reader? me? not a drip drop of a word, sentence, paragraph, dare i say story, will come to me to share with you here as i would love to. writers block? could be... i haven't been able to write a thing here to share with you.

dare i say it's a kind of frustration... it feels like it. i can imagine sitting down on a cosy couch over wine and talking with a good friend. i'd tell her that all this stuff is inside and it's ready to come out. stuff about living and i'm trying to figure out how to let it out. i'm writing to you now, as if we were together and i could share these words with you. it feels like a good thing, a frustrated good thing trying to find its way into the world, find it's way into being. for what i've done and what i've been no longer wants to be, a new thing is trying to emerge. i've mentioned how i want to care and nurture it and let it emerge. say a prayer for me. if prayer is not your thing, maybe think a good thought of me, send a cool vibe my way...

thanks for hearing my jumbled thoughts...

kiss u!

so

2009-11-30T19:57:00.000+01:00

so darlings... how was it? how was your holiday time? how was your weekend? i hope it was delicious and sweet. here with music and working. mentioned to a friend that there are a number of things that i love that i want to be intentional about giving them the attention and care they need and deserve. if i do as i can i'll be sweeter for it, i promise you...

i miss you. i look forward to meeting with you again. i'll see you especially soon at your blog home... cause i'm comin' over...

hugs!!

bon appétit

2009-11-26T20:02:00.000+01:00

when i was a little girl i liked to sit on the counter in the kitchen while folks were around cooking and chatting. my mom used to say to me "i don't understand why you have to put your butt on my counter." another thing i liked doing was eating the food out of the pot as soon as my mom finished cooking. i didn't want to wait for it to be served. my mom would just look at me and laugh. for some reason food tastes better to me out of the pot, chinese food tastes better out of the carton, beer tastes better out of the bottle, and ice cream tasted better spooned right out of it's container... this thanksgiving, have a wonderful day no matter how you choose to spend it or how you choose to eat your goodies... bon appétit!

a girl walks into a cafe

2009-11-25T22:03:00.001+01:00

as is the norm in edinburgh, the night was cool, without a second thought she ducked into a cafe for a sip of something that would bring warmth. just so happened at this cafe royal the architecture, decor, soft jazz piped in created an atmosphere of warmth most needed.

she'd think about him later and what had just happened. just tired of obsessing over the matter, best to forget it for now. at least that's what feels better. and should the obsession persist, she could take up pining over him again, when exiting this luscious cafe. all on hold now, and breathing a bit deeper already.

"hi there, what can i get you?" the bartender asks, a pretty girl in a black cotton fitted just above the knee dress, her hair done up in a messy bun, red lipstick, pearl earrings... the only thing missing to complete this sixties fashion ensemble would be a nice pair of kitten heel pumps, which she hoped to goodness that she was not wearing. it would be hell on the feet for this kind of work. she had an eye for these kinds of things, fashion, classic style, perhaps because she loved it so, it always caught her eye and captured her heart.

"i'll have a scotch neat." does that even exist as a drink? she thought she'd heard it somewhere, perhaps in an old film, in a scene very much like this one, an old cafe, gorgeous decor, the lost and troubled girl walks up to a bar in edinburgh. thing is, she knew nothing about whisky or scotch, so what was she going to say? let's see what it looks like and tastes like when the pretty bartender returns. a strong drink should help her forget, at least for the moment...

image from kampoll Litkanjanakul @kampoll.com

eye candy

2009-11-20T17:29:00.001+01:00

joseph fiennes

jesse williams

last night i found myself with tea in hand in me pjs watching joseph fiennes in the television series fast forward, and then watching jesse williams in grey's anatomy. while there, it came over me, these are some gorgeous men... eye candy. the gift of beauty...

the weekend is just about here, sweet You! i'm going to do one of my favorite things, that is to go to the metropolitan museum tonight, friday night. the point is, no one goes to the museum on friday night, and i like it that way. it's as if myself and a few others have the whole museum to ourselves. it's quiet there, and i walk around luxuriating in the fine art pieces.

a friend is having a birthday celebration as well... what a wonderful way to have a festive evening filled with delicious food and intoxicating drink just after having my cultural fill at the museum.

I hope you will have a sweet weekend, i appreciate the way you've made this week, many weeks really, quite special with your presence...

bises mon amies!

as best we can...

2009-11-20T01:27:00.000+01:00

for some reason i am thinking of a few moments... the first one comes to mind, it was the september of the world trade center bombings, i was sitting on the grass on the sheep's meadow in central park. a young man came up to me and began talking to me. he said that he and a group of young people had come to new york to pray with new yorkers in light of the tragic happenings of september eleventh. you know me... i thought how sweet. i asked him how it was going...

he was curious about my background. he asked if i went to church. i explained to him how i had always been attracted to church. really. i remember as a little girl, maybe i was three or four years old, asking my mother if i could go to church. on the city block where we lived there were two churches. one directly across the street from our house, and the other, down at the corner at the end of the block.

i remember my mom dressing me for church that morning in my pretty little dress, white socks turned down at the ankle and patent leather mary janes. she held me by the hand, walked me across the street (it was a small street) and told me before going into the church alone to have someone cross me back across the street and come on home afterwards. and i did. the first time, that i remember, going to church was alone when i was about four years old.

the trappist monk thomas merton, who was also an artist and poet, writes about how churches in new york are a kind of oasis, a cool quiet place to sneak into to escape the chaos of the busy city. i always remember this when ducking into a quiet sanctuary.

when i shared this story with the young guy who had come to new york to pray, he looked at me and said... so you are called. i'd never thought of my love for a contemplative life of prayer which includes the wisdom of eastern philosphy, and my love of writing that inspires, as a calling, but there you have it.

i just think of these little instances when i was seemingly too little to know... when i think and wonder what this guy could seemingly see that i had not. i get to wondering if i've had a kind of angel with me always, not only leading me into seemingly unfamiliar places and spaces, but looking after me in difficult moments as well.

i remember as a little girl too, i/we must have been about four years old. this was when parents could let their children go out to play seemingly without a care. we were a group of girls. i remember, there were about five of us. and i can see his apartment door now in my mind. he lived on the first floor of a six story building. the buildings on our block had big lobbys and we would play inside them, and too go outside to play on the sidewalks. lots of room for play! this man on the first floor used to invite the little girls inside his apartment and give them a quarter to touch them. i know, horrible.

i have no idea why, but i never went in. i would wait for the girls outside the apartment. i remember them coming out to show me their quarters. we would all wait there until we were all together again and then go on with our playing down the street. to this day i have no idea why i never went inside that man's apartment. i never was even tempted. i also don't know why we didn't tell our parents.

just thinking that sad things happen in life...and we do our best to keep on keeping on.
not sure why this story came to mind today. maybe it has a bit to do with feeling light blue, and remembering how even when we don't have that perfect slant of light, perfect upbringing, or when freaking planes fly into buildings, we still find a way to keep on as best we can...

light blue

2009-11-19T19:34:00.000+01:00

rainy today
i'm kinda looking forward to the rain
not really blue, kinda light blue
good music on
the day before me with the stuff that needs to be done
looking forward to doing the stuff that needs to be done
work
writing
laundry? (tomorrow i think)
deep thoughts about the meaning of life
hope a nice story emerges
want to look in a pretty picture magazine
should write at least 2 sentences in french, get back to studying again...

who cares really, just mapping the day out for myself.

are you well?

sending love...

work it out

2009-11-17T17:45:00.000+01:00

hello dear You, just checking in... I wonder what you are up to today? I'm wondering what you've got on your plate. This past Sunday while out in the early morning warmness I stopped in a cafe for a nice steamy cup of tea and a nice read. the weather was very warm, warm enough to sit outside. I found a little table in a corner on the outdoor terrace and watched gleefully as folks were beginning their day the morning after saturday night. It was wonderful. Some folks sat with the Sunday morning paper, some sat with their babies in their lap, lost in baby sweetness, there were a few soft punkers. I say soft because their way of dressing in all black, including black hair and black sunglasses was quite stylish, not rock and roll hard. friends met for brunch. a bunch of girls stood in a circle in the middle of the side walk talking for a long time. about what, i don't know, but you can be sure I wanted to. there were some student journalists (they appeared to be) on assignment in front of a camera on another corner, practicing their presentations. perhaps one day i shall see them on television. some students sat with their books and lessons for studying. and some folks just popped in for a quick moment to grab a cup of coffee and were on their way walking off into the sunset.

busy with Sunday morning, slow and easy, or on the go in the midst of the warm sunshine for a sweet walk...

i'm just here putting 2 and 2 together in efforts to do what needs to be done, as i am sure you are too as well.

good luck with working it out, and i hope you have a wonderful day...

p.s. i have no idea where i found this picture. i just think it is such a gorgeous workspace... i can see myself there...

love

2009-11-16T16:19:00.000+01:00

for some reason i thought if i were to become a mother i would be very much like the mother in gilmore girls. not sure why i think that, but there it is. maybe it has something to do with trying to figure out where to draw the line between mom and friend, because i'd want both. i'd love to be both a loving mother and friend to my daughter.

i used to love love love watching gilmore girls on television. i suppose it has something to do with a loving and fun mother who is a friend. another big part of it is that they live in a small town where everyone knows one another, it's pretty there with pretty homes and a town diner where you can pop in and have your favorite pancakes and a nice cup of hot tea with milk. and too when you walk in they're glad to see you and they say so.

i'd sit and watch gilmore girls and think, yup, that's a place i would like to live.

but i guess it really depends on your story right? i know folks who grew up in small towns and they let me know bluntly that it's not all pretty and cosy as it seems. no? i ask, bewildered...

that's the thing though i am discovering these days. i can imagine all sorts of lovely and cutsy things about places and beings, and then when you step out into the real world, you run smack dab into folks who lend out ugliness and pain in a heartbeat... it's part of our reality.

i mentioned in a comment once that when given the opportunity to look at evil, i'd rather go in the other direction, and i still would rather do so.

still there comes a time when we must be grownups and open our eyes to the hurts and injustices, small and not so small, that there is.

that's all i want to say really. i can go on and on in a story or on a subject and come to a point, i'd like to think. but here right now, that's all i want to say really.

i've had my share of heartbreak, and that does not only mean matters of the heart. there's been stuff with family and enviornment, situations that break the heart and stunt one's growth. when people know my full story they say... how did you make it out? i tell them i fell through the cracks. there have been the right people in the right places at the right time who stretched forth a hand and helped me out. and that still happens. you, dear reader do that for me as well.

i think that is why i go on and on here about writing and wanting to lend a hand. i know how important it is, how it can touch a person's life in the most beautiful ways. and i love returning a favor.

i think in a way this space, lair du temps, is so dreamy cause it's a place for me to indulge the butterflies of my imaginings, and too, to lend some sweetness to our complicated existence...

say you're one of them

2009-11-15T22:57:00.000+01:00

i had the privilege of meeting the author of the book say you're one of them. it was a sweet and simple encounter. as an alumni i received an invitation to a talk and signing by the author at my university. i had no interest in reading the book simply because i imagined the stories to be heartbreaking even if they are brilliantly written. and i wanted to spare meself the pain as i can be sensitive. but a talk and discussion with the author i can handle, so i went. it was quite sweet.

uwem akpan is a catholic priest of the Jesuit order, born and living in Nigeria. he spoke of imagined stories that he has written from the perspective of african children. apparently the stories are beautiful and heartbreaking, all at the same time. i may let myself read them.

the writer is quite warm and engaging as a bunch of us spent some time talking together. i appreciated what he shared as well as his presence. i also appreciated his discussion of balancing his call to the priesthood as well as his call to writing. he says he can imagine and invent characters on a page, but the characters in real life want and need care and attention too, and this cannot wait. so he endeavors to care and love as best he can in both worlds.

i mentioned that there is some stuff in the air and indeed there continues to be. dear reader, you cannot imagine how many opportunities i have run from and therefore missed in my life. to give you an idea, when i was in my twenties i was hired to model a bridal gown for the the cover of bride magazine. in my fear i did not call back right away to accept the assignment and this gig was given to someone else. because of my fear and issues with self esteem i have shied away from many opportunities. i know now that much of this could not be helped. there was much that needed to be healed... and better and stronger now, i truly feel like i am on my way. sometime i slip and want to run and hide, and sometimes i do, but i don't let myself do so for long before i must come back.

there at the discussion with uwem akpan, i listened closely and shared my thoughts and ideas as best i could. at the end of the discussion the author walked right up to me, introduced himself and we shared some words. i did not run and i did not hide. forgive me if i am proud of myself.

via email i have been sufficiently told off by a friend who tells me that he cannot get in touch with me and how unfair it all is. true. but i've meant no harm, these last days have been full in the most blessed way. i have been meeting an abundance of folks that are so in line with my heart's dream of being a writer that inspires. what started me on my journey for inspirational writing are the teachings of thomas merton. a catholic monk who's heart was not closed to the wisdom and teachings of eastern thought. in fact, he was friends with the dalai lama. though i am not catholic, nor of eastern persuasion (is that a term?), my heart and mind (in the east they are one) is always open to wisdom... well the other day i received another invitation to attend a talk which was given by a priest who is the priest of the catholic church of the monk that helped to set me on my writing journey. in this talk i learned a mountain of stuff about the writer who inspires me; his beatnik wanderings around manhattan as an academic, poet, writer, and artist. his time lived abroad in france and england, as well as his commitment to the trappist monastery. i was reminded of my love of sharing stories and ideas that touch the heart and lend comfort. i spoke with the teacher afterwards and he handed me his card with email so that we can make a date to sit down and talk about my call to writing.

yesterday my heart broke in the best way. i tell you the truth, the other writer who i admired, marianne williamson, was teaching at a beautiful chapel on 5th avenue. the very 5th avenue that houses tiffany's and armani... my kind of place! i was looking up a few things on the internet and ran into the information that she would be teaching a 1 day workshop here in the city. sweet! and yes, they tell me there is still space available to attend. so i go. i've read her books over the years, and though they are dreamy in a let's talk about miracles kind of way, i dig that kind of stuff. and i get to meet her. told you some stuff was in the air... the workshop was for 5 hours in a beautiful chapel on 5th avenue. she shared some good and helpful stuff in general, but in particular, when i paused during a break and talked myself into introducing myself, she was quite unkind and dismissive to me. i was heartbroken. maybe she's had enough of folk who admire her work and want to meet her. with that said i'm coming back around.

i was able to dip into my ownself and come up with some words of inspiration and encouragement in order to continue this journey. i am able to re-member something important, and i hope to remind you blog buddies, that if we do the stuff we love, we are on the right track. and if we do it and live it, things will begin to connect and unfold in ways that we have dreamed of or even better. and it won't look like anybody else's life or stuff, it will be tailor made especially for ourselves...

so, although she was unkind i was forced to remember that she is not the boss of me. and i remembered the stuff i love; writing, telling stories, yoga, learning languages, traveling and sweet kisses... if we do the stuff we love, it comes together in a way that sweetens our dreams and our lives... tell me, what do you love?

i learned too that sometimes stuff takes time, we may not get all our goodies when we ask for them or when we want them, sometimes it takes time, time for us to grow into them, or even time to realise that it's simply not what we need... time let's us know...

i shared a quote some time ago... and i still mean it... one who waits for something good, never waits too long. ~swedish proverb

when i last shared this quote i remember N. sharing about waiting, her waiting those nine months for her sweet baby to be born.

should i use a metaphor, that which we love takes time, and when we meet it, whether it is husband or wife, career or another dream... we hope and know with all our heart that timing says... now, you are ready...

the poet and writer rilke shares that we are to live the questions. and perhaps someday we will live ourselves into the very answers. when we are ready... that which we love... will fit like a kid glove; soft and lovely.

this post has been long. are you still with me? forgive me for going on, but i hope with sweet steamy cafe or tea in hand, it has been a meaningful read and worth your time. i'll be connecting with my friend who is mad at me for being away for too long. nice to have friends who miss us. and i shall be connecting again with you...

quelle heure est il?

2009-11-13T16:36:00.000+01:00

been catching up on some stuff that needs to get done. and too i have been walking around thinking about how i need to be telling me little stories. how to get back into it? i thought this morning lets start slow and little... poco a poco...

there has always been a little encounter that i think of from time to time that still tickles me. was it in the eighties? there were advertisements for the movado watch, the museum watch. it's a sleek, stylish, sweet little thing. the thing that always caught my eye, as well, is it does not have any numbers on it... it's a part of what makes it so... cool.

well one day i was walking in manhattan and i asked a gentleman passing by for the time. this was when folks wore watches, now we just glance at our cell/mobile telephones. so i asked him for the time, and in midstep he glanced at his watch. i noticed right away it was a movado. i've always thought they were beautiful (and expensive) watches. so he tells me the time, it's 4pm. then he looks at me and i can see he is not sure, and then he says or is it 5pm? i look at him in wonder, and then he smiles and says shyly and sweetly it's a movado.

thing is i understood completely, the watch is lovely, but it's got no numbers on it, it's simply hard to tell. i also thought, all that money for a watch and you can't tell the time...

i must admit, if one were gifted to me, i would not give it back, it's so pretty, who cares what time it is...

...

aha, the weekend has snuck up on us again. do have a sweet weekend. what are you up to? and i see too i have some new visitors who have popped by because Angie may have mentioned that over here, i'm a dreamer... daydreaming is a sport for me and i try to string some words together to tell you about it. thanks so much for stopping by, and i shall drop in on you and see what you're all up to.

have a wonderful weekend and stay cosy... bises!!

alegria

2009-11-10T17:30:00.000+01:00

ok. i'm on my way back. the guests have gone and i hope they had as nice a time as i did. can you imagine seeing nyc for the very first time? i love showing folks around too because it allows me to see the city through virgin eyes... and new perspectives...

walking across the brooklyn bridge
views at sunset atop the empire state building
ice skating at rockefeller center
strolls through central park on into the metropolitan museum of art...
dining and wine...

i'm sweetly tired. you know that feeling when you're exhausted after an exquisite time? i'm slowly recovering, the soothing comforts of tea, lisa ekdahl on the music box, sting concert tickets arrived yesterday, and missing you and wanting so much to get back to writing. when i am writing i feel at home.

dear blog friends, may i please say to you that something is in the air. after some years of deep introspection, quiet and aloneness, my spirit speaks to me and tells me, that was a season and that season is ending. dare i embrace my gifts, all of them, and step out on life? in the past fear has kept me stuck, but now, though still fearful at times, i know as the writer Audre Lorde says, fear will not keep me safe. i am urged now to step out on life... work, home, joy, love, living!!

i feel like the little cracks in my heart are mending nicely, and we are ready to try again. i smile, i look and see, i listen and hear, i pray, breathe, and go slowly...

sending kisses to you...
can you believe there is already christmas stuff happening? i don't mind, i love it, the music, all the pretty sparkly colours and decor, cosy thoughts of festive gatherings and cheer... we've still got some time before the actual day, don't let yourself get overwhelmed with what you're 'supposed' to do, instead be taken over by all the stuff you love, and let the rest go...

until soon

2009-11-05T19:24:00.000+01:00

i've got to finish the laundry, and showering will be beneficial before guests arrive for a long weekend... all the practical things that make life go...

i'll be away from here for a few days and i know now already that i will miss it. when i am writing i need to be alone, guess that's just how i roll... but if the house will be full, with merriment i hope, it will be difficult to steal away and write a bit.

i'm strategizing, thinking still if i don't have privacy to write these next coming days, that maybe i can steal a few moments in the morning, before the house is stirring and write some lines in my journal...

we'll see how it goes...

i wonder why i felt like posting the above picture, i think some how it captures how i'm feeling, quite pretty these days (unusual for me) and quiet and thought~full, and pensive. i think my excitment doesn't show, but in my quietness i am thinking of lots of pretty things that need my care and attention, and trying to give myself the permission to enjoy deeply, that is to let go... and let inside a kind of loveliness knocking on the door...

speaking of lovely, ...i'm thinking of you and i hope you will have a wonderful weekend!

bisou

the art of defense

2009-11-03T17:02:00.000+01:00

the subconscious is a funny thing. the truth is, i walked into a karate studio and asked about beginning karate lessons. i was pretty strong in my conviction for needing to learn and know how to defend myself at that moment. this was some months ago. what surprises me now that the time has passed, is that i can see something more clearly now. that is, i was hanging around with someone that i found hurt me a lot by many of the things she said and did. i'd tell myself not to be so sensitive...

she moved away and the moment she left town i felt more at peace. that strong desire to take karate lessons dissapated, though i did not make the connection between wanting and needing to learn to defend myself and the time i spent with her.

she's an incredibly interesting and intelligent lady, i was always enthralled by what she had to say or the activities we'd plan for playing around the city. but she had a way of saying hurtful things, and i'd try and brush it off. still i found it strange when i walked into that karate studio that day.

it seems our hearts tell us what we wish to not believe with our minds...

who is Gordon Sumner?

2009-11-02T18:22:00.000+01:00

i wrote a few lines in my journal this morning... they were these lines...

i'm no good this morning. i'm waiting for Sting tickets to go on sale at noon. i won't be any good to anyone until i have a chance to get tickets, and i hope i do...

....

this morning i could almost do nothing. i knew i would be no good, my mind would not be able to concentrate until i knew one way or the other if i could get tickets to see Sting. now a days with the price of concert tickets, i'm happy that i don't have a deep desire to see many musicians. there are only 2 persons i would pay to see at the prices that are asked of fans these days, that is Sade and the other is Sting.

i can still remember my introduction to Sting. it was quite vivid and quite sweet. there was a boy i liked. to this day i can't get over how cute he was. i guess i was about 19 or 20 years old, and we were in his apartment listening to music. he asked me if i liked Sting. I had no idea who or what that was, and i told him so. i didn't even know who The Police were. well, he put on the music of Sting and began to sing it to me. they were some of the most delicious and melodic sounds. while the music played on, this young man kissed me. i was a girl in heaven.

you know how we girls were, and still can be. i was telling all dreamily my best friend about this boy, how much i liked him, and how cute he was. it just so happened that while i was with her we kind of ran into him. she and i were on an up escalator and he was on the down escalator when he called out my name. i was in shock and said to my friend 'that's him, that's him!' she took one look at him and stumbled he was so cute. we too girls walked off dreamily after that encounter... there was something about him that was incredibly charming...

anywho, i have been a fan of the music of Sting for the richness of his lyrics, jazzlike tunes, and sincere performance for years now.

i did get tickets!!

getting tickets to a concert in nyc is a real workout. just to give you an idea, i have been sweating this deal for about a week now. tickets went on sale today at noon. i had my lap top primed and telephone on speed dial as i'd already entered the telephone number to dial up for tickets.

as soon as!! the clock struck noon i hit redial and began finding tickets on the website at the same time. upon getting through on the telephone and pressing enter on the computer, the show was sold out. really that is how it works, shows sell out in minutes. i begged the lady on the telephone to look again to see if there was anything. looking, she's telling me 'no, there is such a high demand for these shows, they sell out immediately.' then a hesitation, 'oh wait, i have these two tickets...' and whatever she said after that no longer registered for me... i said please book those... and she did and they are on the way.

why should you care about all of this? there is absolutely no reason why... only that you are kind enough to indulge me as i am a happy girl at the moment as i get to see Sting in december... in the height of all the christmas beauty and festiveness...

i just wanted to share this moment with you, maybe much like the moment i shared with my friend when i was mesmerized by that sweet boy's kiss...

dear you, have a sweet kissable day! i mean that!

p.s. Gordon Sumner is Sting's given name...

dear You

2009-11-02T17:24:00.000+01:00

photo from 'woodleywonderworks

I was writing in response to your comments on my previous post titled girl daydreaming. my words kept flowing and i thought this is incredibly long yet i mean every word so i am posting it here...

Dear Angie, Susu, and La Belette Rouge, Red Lipstick Style, Nuria, and Hans... you may remember from some of my writings that I mentioned that I like to save (and savor) the too good things, things that seem too good to be true, like music i adore, sun dried tomatoes, the cutest boys... i like to run and hide.

well you have done it, you pop in on my blog and you read my stories and you share more than words of encouragement, you share care, loveliness, and attention! and i am feeling incredibly full and lifted up. so now that i have this wonderful feeling i'm ready to run and hide (from all the goodies), and i'm talking to myself, 'stay.' and i will, i will not self destruct, i will stay and write my way through (and further into!) this joy.

thank you for the care and attention you share. i have been sure to write in my journal these days, but i am working through returning here and writing. and i will, because it's too good not to. I really have been enjoying myself when i sit down to write here and share little stories with you. and you write back and tell me that they are good. and i believe you and i am getting more and more confidence.

so there are two things, okay three things i must know and do, that is to write when if feels blissfully wonderful like now, and the 2nd is to write, still when i am down and blue, and the 3rd is simply to write, no matter...

thank you with so much of my heart!

girl daydreaming

2009-10-28T17:29:00.000+01:00

been good and thinking... what i mean to say is that things are brewing in my mind. they are a lovely mess. it's been raining for two days and the gold leaves are pressed against the sidewalks, and the rose bush captures sprinkles of rain to hold onto for it's last days... somehow still bright in it's blossoms and lushness. how's it possible that roses are still at their height of beauty in October? any one knows?

maybe you've figured it out by now, i'm truly a dreamer, i love daydreaming about stories, what has happened as well as what could be... my imaginative powers seem turned way up these days.

i think of you, i really do, many of the comments and insights you share, the beautiful stories you share about your families that warm my heart and help me along, as well as your thoughts and indulgence in pretty places and pretty things...

i'm dreamy about my future and last night i dreamed about a beautiful part of my past. it just came to me while i was sleeping. when i woke up, of course my heart was warmed, and i thought what a sweet reunion to see her again after all these years in my dreams... i'll tell you about it if you don't mind...

last night while sleeping i dreamed of Trisha. when i was a little girl, oh about 6 years old i had a friend named Patricia, and we all called her Trisha for short. she was actually my mother's friend, though she was younger than my mother by about 5 years. let's say i was 6, and my mother was 30, then Trisha must have been about 25. for some reason i took to her. i was with her when i wasn't in school or playing with my friends. she was more of a big sister to me. we would sit outside on the porch and just talk, we would spend hours just talking. i can't remember what about. i have always been told that i was a curious little girl so i imagine she spent a lot of time discussing the million things that i was interested in.

she lived on the same block as us, so i would find my way to her house, pull up a chair in her kitchen and we would chat. she had 2 boys so we would all often go to the park together, or go shopping, any number of things that she had to do as a grown-up; laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning, sitting on the porch in the sun. i loved being with Trisha. I think then, maybe she shared a friendship and kindness that I felt was missing in my own home. come to think of it, we used to laugh a lot! maybe she thought i was smart, and engaged me. and now too that i am remembering, she was a single mother, so maybe i was company for her as well. she had two boys, maybe too i was the little girl she never had. she was sweet to me and we hung out until my family moved away when i was eleven years old.

when i woke up this morning i thought, what a sweet rememberance. i thought about how much i loved her, and i still love her, she was kind to me and we had a lot of fun. i do hope she is well today...

yup, i'm all dreamy these days and it feels good...

on space and beauty

2009-10-22T22:37:00.000+02:00

yesterday the guggenheim museum in nyc celebrated it's 50th anniversary, and as a treat the museum was open to any and all who wish to visit and indulge free of charge. i had plans to meet p. for lunch which was, as always, rich with good conversation and opinions and ideas. we started with a nice good cup of steamy tea, (coffee for p.) in a newly discovered ice cream shop that has floor to ceiling windows that look out onto lexington ave. we sat there as the sun streamed in catching up... lunch followed and then a walk in central park. the leaves in all their plenty of colours of reds and oranges abundantly cover the walkways; an autumn wonderland.

it really was sweet after such a lovely lunch to wander through the little paths of the park as i found my way to the guggenheim museum. there they have a wonderful exhibit of the painting of wassily kandinsky.

when i enter the guggenheim, each time i am mesmerized! i once heard an architect say in an interview that a building should touch the heart of the person entering it... this one does. it moves me each time i step in. and this time every floor is lined with the art of kandinsky. it was crowded as we all wanted to take advantage of this anniversary celebration and indulge ourselves in the creations of kandinsky. it was truly mesmerizing, circling this space and feasting our eyes upon the colours and shapes and ideas and emotions shared by the painter, all culminating in a particular piece of art.

it sparked a conversation again today with a friend about the influence and emotion that a space inspires and how that contributes to what we do and feel in that space. out of that conversation came to me the understanding that although i don't have an art studio or writing room, it is necessary and important for me to be present to the space and spaces that i do inhabit and use them to my advantage since creating stories and ideas are somethings that i enjoy immensely. i think this is important, where we find ourselves, where we are, to enjoy that space and indulge in that space in ways to enrich our lives and usher in loveliness and well being.

when i ponder the creations of kandinsky as well as the creation of the guggenheim museum i can't help but think that both the painter and the architect of these beauties had a love for persons who would feast their eyes upon a painting or step into this building and be touched in a most beautiful way. this, i feel, is quite generous, thoughtful and loving.

good(?) morning

2009-10-20T23:45:00.000+02:00

noooooo, this is not how i feel at all! i'm feeling quite good and the weather today is incredibly beautiful. i sat outside by the river reading and enjoying the blue skys and the october breeze. there was a lady sitting near me with the cutest little dog all cosy on her lap, drifting in and out of sleep. sweet.

but i posted this picture in connection to your comments on the previous post. it seems you do know garfield! how incredibly cute. i definitely know of him but i have never read the comics. and as you know of him i thought i'd post this picture just cause it's sooooo cute and funny. ahem... i think it's safe to say we have had these kind of mornings...

thanks so much for your previous comments. it's sweet that an artist can capture such emotion in a picture like this. S. the idea of me indulging what i did as a little girl indeed is intriguing... i shall think and see what tickles my fancy. if i'm not careful it may entail me wearing my favorite outfit for a few days in a row. when i was about 6 years old i had the cutest red dress that i loved that i just wanted to wear to school everyday. i mean i loved that dress. and my mom had to help me understand that i could not wear it everyday... though i wanted to, and i tried. ...A. thanks a bunch for your message helping me to see that perhaps i redeemed myself in the eyes of the cool little 13 year old. indeed he was sweet and helpful...

hope the week is coming along nicely for all of you and that you don't feel like the picture above...

oops

2009-10-19T16:30:00.000+02:00

as a person without children onnnnccce in a while i get glimpses of the magic of children. i imagine that anyone who is a parent is privy to the wonderment of children on an every moment basis. and as i live in nyc, understandably, parents teach their children not to talk to strangers. indeed this is a city full of not only almost 11 million strangers, in addition, quite a number of strange folk, though not everyone of course, at the risk of exagerating.

that said, when i do have a chance to interact or spend time around children, i am always amazed at how cool and funny they can be.

...as always, it's the very last minute and i'm out trying to find two small somethings as birthday gifts for two brothers that were born just shy of a year apart. i had the privilege of joining their family for a celebratory dinner. as i know almost nothing about the kid world, i figured i like books and books are good. and i thought i'd add a little laughter to this notion and settled upon the idea of buying the two boys comic books.

i reached the comic book section and there are lots and lots of them and i know nothing of this genre really. i'm standing there in all my adulthood ready to panic, trying to talk myself down, 'i can do this?'

this little guy walks into the aisle where i'm standing. i'm hesitant to talk to him as i know kids are not supposed to talk to strangers. i hope it's alright, i ask... 'excuse me. i need to buy some comic books for two brothers, would you have any suggestions?' my little friend looks at me in all earnestnest and asks, 'well, how old are they?' good question, i guess it does matter in the comic book world, and it's funny because i can tell by his facial expression, surety, and tone of his voice that perhaps i've stumbled upon a pro. 'ten and eleven,' i say. he takes a moment and then says, 'well, when i was young...' wrong i know but it just slipped out, i laughed and said 'when you were young?' in a tone that says 'dude you are young.' and he comes back quickly, 'i'm thirteen.' hmmm, i hear what you're saying, i think and compose myself. i say something i can't remember but it seems to remedy this awkward moment.

back at the farm (remember that expression?), back to comic books, so when he was young he read garfield. i ask, 'so you think they'll like garfield?' he reminds me, 'i did when i was ten and eleven.' good enough. and he helps me to choose which two amongst the plenitude of garfields. i'm grateful and i thank him. but i could not help but be tickled by his earnestness. he may have been thirteen, but he looked all of eleven and soooo cute. but i must remember even though he's cute, no way does he want to be treated like a kid at thirteen. i think i managed to save the moment.

back at the house during the birthday celebration i am really surprised at how crazy the boys go over their new garfield comics. i mean they really flip out. turns out they have been wanting their own garfield comics like the kids at their school, but their parents would not allow it. they find garfield too sarcastic and cynical. oops!

persia calling

2009-10-17T18:52:00.000+02:00

do you know people with money? i 'know' a few. there was a documentary made some years ago by one of the heirs of the johnson and johnson family about people with money. as of yet i have yet to see it. need to get on it. the part that interests me is that i believe there is this culture within people with money, that is that you don't talk about your money. so i've run into some people, and some of them became my friend, with money. and it always surprises me that some people really do have all that money.

i had a boyfriend one time, and as it has been some time now, i'm not sure how it came out that he comes from a family with a lot of money. he never said anything about it, and he certainly did not live a kind of lifestyle that would tell on him. he lived a very bohemian 'literary' kind of life. i liked him, loved him, and admired him. he taught english in public schools in louisiana. as he was from minnesota, i once asked him how did he get to louisiana. he said after graduating university he looked on the map of the states and chose the place furthest away from minnesota.

back to money. money for the most part does not interest me, but as you can guess i am always attracted to a good story which is the point of this writing. but somehow little by little i would see hints of the idea that he comes from money. so with time and confidence in mutual friends i asked a long time friend of his late one night while we were all hanging out in a bar having drinks and listening to live music. liquid courage i guess... 'does k. come from money?' she responds 'oh yes.' i ask 'what kind of money?' she said to me 'you know greenwich conneticut money?' 'yes,' i say. she says to me 'they have more.' my heart sunk, 'really?'

with time as we talked about it, he and i, he shared with me that basically he wants to 'make it on his own.' not depend on the money of his family, even though his family are some of the sweetest people i have ever met. i can respect that.

i started thinking about this for 2 reasons. one is i have a good friend who has a friend that comes from serious serious money. i was surprised to find this out, as he leads too a serious bohemian existence. simple flat full of his art and computer projects, and wears pretty much the same clothes all the time. i thought of him... and this is the point of this story... because for some reason today i was thinking that i would love to spend a few days in a place deep and rich in an unknown to me culture. i was thinking like marrakesh, or turkey, a place in india, or casablanca (only because of the film:). i would love to feast my eyes upon delicious deep and rich colours. have you seen the reds and the blues from those countries? truly touching in their richness. i would love to feast too upon the rich flavors of their cuisine. i'm not a big meat eater, but for this time a lamb cooked to tenderness in a kind of cream sauce with almonds attracts me. the spices, the incense and scents in general of the atmosphere intrigue me. and dare we even talk about the teas and coffees that come from these places. i've never been... but for some reason, today, it seems like it would be a wonderful travel to experience and see and learn...

and the friend of a friend that i mentioned comes from one of these places. and when i think of him i have to smile and think... i can't believe he has all that money. people with that kind of money keep it quiet. just an interesting thing i find.

2009-10-15T01:12:00.000+02:00

you wake up one morning and you never know what the day will bring. isn't that the beauty of it all? i found myself having a meal with an actress from germany. who? i've absolutely no idea. that's the beauty of it... let me explain. it's quite simple really. there's this restaurant i like to go to, it's quite cosy, small, just a few tables and one long community table where we all gather and have delicious middle eastern food. it's always fun to see what others are having, their choices. there i am munching away, sipping a bit of red wine (time in spain will do that to you) and reading 'i'll never be french.' i see from this pretty lady's map of the city and tourist guide that she is visiting the city. we get to talking about, what else? travels. a really nice and exciting conversation about the cultures of various countries, her first time visit to nyc, and too about various european cities. turns out she's here for a few days filming as she is an actress that now lives in germany. how interesting. i thought you never know who you might meet when you venture outside your door.

i'd had plans this eveningwith a friend to see the film 'an education.' it's quite good. see it if you can. at the end of my conversation with the german actress acquaintance i went off to catch this film, while she had plans to wander down 5th avenue. it would be her first time... quite special.

have you ever run into someone a bit interesting? i ran into the lead singer of r.e.m. one quiet sunday morning. i was out early, before the city awakens. i love this time. one can feel as if she has the city to herself. the streets are just about empty. i passed the lead singer of r.e.m. (can't remember his name). it was just him and me, 2 ships passing in the early morning hours. he looked at me and gave me a look and a smile that felt like a tip of the hat. i felt like he was saying although he is famous and i see him, ... he sees me too & hello. how can one get all this from a look... you know it's possible, it's a feeling.

hope you're feeling good...

just do it

2009-10-14T08:40:00.000+02:00

"my counsel for you is simple and straightforward: just go ahead with what you've been given... now do what you have been taught. school's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! and let your living spill over into thanksgiving. "

i can think a thing through until forever and in the end not do it. who knows why, too much information, fear, doubt...

thing is... just do it. all that we don't know and need to know will come while we are on the path. oooo there are a million things i would love to do...

walk by the sea again in barcelona

have crepes and cafe in le marais in paris

linger over a long meal with friends in spain

see the beauty of tuscany

write a book

write a book of poems

and there's more... thankfully. life is so full of possibilities and the fun thing is to dream and to step out on those dreams...

hope you have a dreamy day...

cool peace vibes!

2009-10-09T19:39:00.000+02:00

funny how when it comes time to 'fixing things' people say about Obama, he hasn't done anything. he's been in office for dut dut dut time and he has done nothing. and now that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize folks are saying, he just got in office... he hasn't had time to do anything. why the prize?

a nice tip of the hat by the Swedes... as if to say... make some peace, we believe you can.

i'm elated, what a nice surprise.

when is now

2009-10-09T03:20:00.000+02:00

'she was creating a goal and a direction in life...'

one family built a one room shack out of driftwood, and in front of their abode they built an enormous front porch that usually graces large homes. the porch was many times the height and width of the small shack, and people made fun and ridiculed the way this family lived. one person finally asked 'can you give me one good reason for this tiny shack to have such an outrageously large beautiful porch. and the owner replied 'a woman can dream...'

this little tale was adapted from a story i read this morning. i used to think... when...

when i have my new home

when i'm married

when i have the career i want

when... when... when...

but instead of waiting for the perfect moment or situation or feeling or slant of light as they say, i've recently been about doing the things that i want and need to do instead of waiting for 'someday.' and that has made all the difference... we continue to move in the direction of our dreams... and i find our dreams move toward us, they move in our direction to meet us where we are living...

butterflies are free

2009-10-08T19:11:00.000+02:00

had a bit of a gliche yesterday with the computer and i couldn't visit as i had hoped. i'm pleased to be back. nothing, nada, rien... i'm tempted to say after work i did nothing yesterday, but truth is i did simply as i wanted to do. did some reading. had a delicious dinner. and surprisingly stumbled upon this film with goldie hawn and edward albert called butterflies are free. those of you who have seen it already know how incredibly delicious and sweet this film is. and for those of us who don't/didn't know it is a wonderful film. ...oh i just love the flavor and colour of the seventies...

hope you are having a splendidly delightful day!
i'm not sure if that sentence is grammatically correct. my friend from rome coined this new term and we use it now. he asked if it is grammatically correct... i said who cares, it's wonderful. say it even if you don't mean it... it's contagious.

bisous

good to know

2009-10-07T00:41:00.000+02:00

today has been an incredibly interesting day. a shift has occurred within me, quiet like, subtle, but i have felt it. and too, now that i see and i look back a bit i can see that it has been processing all along. i know now what i have been confused about (not entirely, but a bunch). i see now what was invisible before. i believe now what my heart has been hinting at. maybe you understand that things work this way... it's a process. a comingling of wondering and fretting and experiencing and asking questions and then one day like poof you know and it's a relief. confusing enough for you, or do you get me?

now the challenge is to move with this information, this knowing. to use it to my advantage and use it for beauty and contentment in my life. sorry to be so vague. it's just that much of it has been vague to me but the truth is coming out. you see when you try to take a different, more meaningful road and you find very few on that road, you begin to doubt yourself. but i am beginning to understand that just because most of the people do it does not make it the right or better way. and really that is what i am becoming to know. sure we know this in theory, but to know it really in our hearts is a sweet thing. broad is the way, but narrow is the gate... in this big city where money and material is king, it feels good to learn and to know that may be true, but love is the only thing that matters at the end of the day and at the end of all our days. love and care for one another...

why the picture of barbara streisand? i saw for the first time the other day the film funny girl. and i like the lyrics 'people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.' and as you are in love with your sweeties, your babies, your family and friends this is what matters, and the rest is gravy as they say...

grumpy

2009-10-06T00:43:00.000+02:00

i never was a grumpy or moody teenager, and i hear that teenagers can be. i don't know why i wasn't. today i wasn't necessarily grumpy, just not as sweet as i would like to be. i get from time to time put off by all the posing that goes on in nyc. people come here to make their dreams come true and that's a beautiful thing! but with that i so often am put off by the vanity of it all. all the cool folks in their cool shades and expensive clothes and airs about them that will remind you in case you haven't noticed how fabulous they are. i most often tend to cut 'em some slack remembering that we all are somebody's baby and special and fabulous in our own way, but today i had no patience and i did not try to pretend...

i stopped in a cafe for lunch and was really surprised by two young girls so scantily dressed had i not been so put off i would have been embarrased to look. maybe if i were in the mood and i felt like playing with my guy (in privacy) these outfits may have been sensual and cute. but since none of us were in our private budoir i was annoyed by how far people will go to get attention. these girls in this tiny little cafe were dressed in shorts that could have very easily been panties without exaggeration. suede pink boots which came up past their knees with a tiger skin print lining (i know because one girl took her boots off. i don't blame her those spike heels look like they hurt), and mid-drift blouses that showed off their tender belly buttons. gorgeous girls, but come on, another time and another place.

i would have cut them some slack with my annoyance had they at least been sweet, although misguided by their revealing outfits in the middle of the day on a monday, but they had a meanness about them. it was quite evident by their behavior and attitude.

that said, it's a free country and we can do what we want to do. i just wished that i'd had known these babes would be sucking up the air before i had ordered my lunch and realised what was going down.

when they did leave there was not only a feeling of relief inside what is normally this tiny cosy little spot, but folks felt compelled to release their frustration and talk about it. people wondered how old they might be? what kind of lives are they leading? what's up with them dressed like that in the middle of the afternoon. i mean ladies of the evening are called so for a reason, this was mid-monday if that be the case. and some said they had a meanness about them like they could bite your face off. i did not even have the stomach to look at them.

and i guess the funny part was one lady talking to her husband and those about how she did not find them attractive, that they were too revealing, and nothing was left to the imagination. her husband went on imagining what they might be up to, but by his words he was clearly attracted. attractive to some... offensive to others.

a french guy said to me once that the thing he likes about nyc is that you never really know what you will run into when you walk out your door. one is almost always up for a surprise...

image from victoria secret (i'm just saying... time and place)

2009-10-03T07:20:00.000+02:00

carnegie hall last night was beautiful and subtle in its own way. what i mean to say is my experience of the music was beautiful. i listened for what i like, and i loved every note. sometimes there are pieces i don't like, but this time i enjoyed every moment. while taking in the splendour of such a lovely space, i could not help but notice the little boy in front of me that had his stash of candy on the arm of his chair. he looked to be about 7 years old, so cute in his little suit, he stood on his feet for the entire 2 hours, dipping into his candy stash from time to time,while truly interested in bethoven, chopin, and debussy. precious. and i liked the couple next to me who would whisper to one another. discussing the music, the performance? i suspect they are musicians themselves as they seem to mirror, mimic, the very movement of the pianist's hands across the grand piano in one of the pieces.

i'm told it's best, if you can, to sit on the side of the stage where you can see the hands, and the movement of the pianist. this pianist was a child protege from moscow, who at the age of 35 has already been working 30 years. to be born with such a gift, and all that it must take for it to flourish and thrive. his performance was beautiful. and there's something about when a man approaches the piano, and swings back the tails of his tuxedo before sitting down to play, something about that little swift movement that i love. maybe it has to do with it being a ritual of some kind for an elite few.

it was a beautiful evening and i was quite pleased with what i wore. i dressed in a purple silk ankle length skirt with all lace at the bottom of the skirt, along with a black lace fitted jacket. i tried to loosen up the ensemble by wearing my hair in a pony tail slightly off center and a bit messy, a nod to the bohemian in me.

feel good, dear You, and have a sweet weekend. make it nice. i picked up a bunch of flowers at the farmer's market today. found my way to a cafe this evening to practice my writing while sipping hot chocolate with whip cream. nice music streaming over head. i was aware of the young lady next to me lost in the story she was reading while sipping her coffee. nice, i thought. us girls being... and enjoying ourselves.

dressing up pretty

2009-10-01T17:31:00.000+02:00

when i was a girl for no reason at all my mom would dress us up all fancy for the day from time to time. she said so that when a fancy occasion came along being dressed up wouldn't feel so strange...

how does one get to carnegie hall? (hee hee) practice, practice, practice.

there's a feeling i get when i go to carnegie hall. i try to set out early, give myself some time to get lost as well as wander around the central park area. as the hall is on the west side of manhattan, i like to set out on the east side where all the super chic and elegant and expensive shops and restaurants are... gourmet food shops, wine stores elegantly assembled, fashion wonders like ralph lauren's boutique which is always so deeply and richly decorated it always looks like christmas in there for me. i wander around the upper east side looking and tasting and feeling for a while before walking over to carnegie hall.

i've a friend from rome who lives in nyc. he's a classical pianist and invites me to these fancy soirees. tonight i understand is the opening of 'je ne sais quoi,' but apparently it's a big deal. i used to say to him that i know nothing about classical music. he tells me i know more than i think i know. he says to simply listen for what i like.

i do wonder what i will wear. i think i might feel a bit strange because i haven't gotten all fancily dressed up in a while. but that's ok. i'll just be and enjoy. if i can i'll try to tell you what i see and hear when i get back... that's the job of a writer right? to bring to life in words so that the reader can see and hear, kind of be there for herself.

i'll do my best.

other folks' business

2009-09-30T22:32:00.000+02:00

late last night jude law stopped by the set of the jimmy fallon show. they talked about law's brilliant portrayal of hamlet on broadway, and too about how long the show is. i suppose it's an issue, torture for some and heaven for others. the later for me. i mentioned i loved it. fallon kidding around in his british accent mentioned a real life time law called him up and invited him over. he said they were going to have some drinks and read poetry. fallon said he thought law was joking about the poetry. but when he arrived folks were actually sitting around reciting poetry.

why i feel like that's a party i would have liked to have been at; wine and poetry... right up my alley. my cup of tea. ahhh.... i suppose the thing is to get out of the business of the lives of celebrities and create my own parties...

while choosing a photo for this post i ran across the gossip about law having fathered a child during a one or two night stand. the baby is here and is called sophia. apparently as of yet law has yet to claim the baby as his own. hmmm, a bit messy...

other folks' business...

poetic autumn days

2009-09-30T07:26:00.000+02:00

autumn.

things are cooling off.

expecting colourful leaves...

halloween is nigh.

before you know it christmas,

and i'll get all sentimental like i usually do.

but there's time

we'll take it slow

and enjoy today

and love what we love

and laugh when we can

and smile if we can't laugh

or simply be as well as we can be

which is enough

trust me

to be or not to be

2009-09-29T00:26:00.000+02:00

' oh i can't stand her!'

'i don't like her either, i can't believe we have her again.'

these were the frustrated voices i heard about our new to me english literature teacher. i was new to the school so i had yet to learn the reputation of the teachers. she's wierd was the biggest complaint. the class was introduction to shakespeare and i was excited, and even more so because if she was wierd i was intrigued. but i did not let on, i'd be banished from the group.

we walked into class on this, the first day of school and there she was sitting crossed legged on top of her desk in front of the class room. i remember to this day her long loosed, flowing down her back hair, velvet purple pants and cowboy boots. she just sat there and watched as we took our seats. the chattering stopped as she sat there and waited for us to be quiet. she slid off the top of her desk and began to walk around the room while handing out fresh copies of the book we would begin with. shakespeare's macbeth. my first shakespeare reading. she asked us to open up to the very first page. i was mesmerised, and this meant i had to take my eyes off her.

before she even introduced herself she read aloud the opening lines of shakespeare... she had me!

i did not know the word back then in high school, but it turns out she was a hippie. more and more i understood this as she sauntered into class with her suede jackets with loose tassels and her multicolored pants. i loved her, i mean really. and to this day i still do. she was the one who introduced me to my love of literature and reading. and just as importantly she not only was an excellent teacher, she was kind and encouraging in my academic endeavors throughout high school. i am thankful to her and for her.

this past weekend i had the privilege to sit just a few feet away from the broadway stage that jude law did his hamlet on. he was gorgeous and magnificent. hamlet has come to nyc only for

12 weeks after having made it's tour in various parts of europe. if it comes your way, be sure to see it if you like shakespeare. i loved it! some of the audience thought it was too long, they said so while we piled out of the theatre afterwards. obviously they did not have my english lit teacher, mrs. herman, introduce shakespeare to them as she disguised her voice into a witch voice while reading the witch's part in macbeth. i was always happy to volunteer to be macbeth himself. i sat there the whole time in heaven as i watched jude law do that thing he does when he's spot on in his performance of a character.

i think that i thought that i was hiding my love of mrs. herman back then and her teaching abilities so that the other kids would not think that i was wierd too. but now that i think of it, i probably was only kidding myself. i was always in one of her classes, always in her office and always saying something that mrs. herman said. i hope she knew how much i loved her. her efforts still touch my life in the most wonderful way...

cute

2009-09-25T08:22:00.000+02:00

the weekend is here dear reader! i hope that these early autumn, still hanging on to summer days are cool and warm all at the same time. is that possible? i've been down memory lane a bit this week, and i am thinking of things from another time in general. i think i do this anyway from time to time missing cute fashion, fine music, rituals of old. love it!

and i suppose there comes a time to dip into the modern day happenings as well. every age has it's positives too. have you heard of these young ladies. i think they are the cutest. they are the wonder girls and they have a retro look and musicality about them. love them...

have a peek at the video (give it a minute to get past the initial story) here... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA7fdSkp8ds

and do have a wonderful weekend!!

sending kisses!

p.s. sorry about the 'toilet guy' they could have skipped that whole part for me, but the part where the ladies are singing their song is too cute...

sans kindness

2009-09-25T00:40:00.000+02:00

i mentioned to a friend today that i used to have a crush on a guy sometime in my past. i said to her that he was good looking, smart, interesting and funny. it came to me later on while thinking of our conversation that i did not say he was kind. kind and considerate are a must, no? otherwise all bets are off...

fancy that

2009-09-24T06:53:00.000+02:00

normally i don't wear make-up and for the most part i don't style my hair. truth be told, i'm lazy about these things. and it's a funny thing because i really love pretty things. i buy pretty dresses, and perfumes. i have a love of reading and books, which i find pleasure in that pretties up my mind. interior design and lovely home furnishings are another of my loves. but i have to say taking the time to put on make-up and style my hair escapes me. i think also it has to do with the million other things i would rather be doing.

but taking the time to pretty ourselves up is a gift we can give to ourselves. and it does not have to be over done. today i took the time to style my hair and put on a tiny bit of make-up. i have always liked the way the girls pencil in eyeliner bringing out the shape and brightness of their eyes. these are just playful ways to experience our beauty.

perhaps my last post of remembering a time when time was taken to pretty ourselves up lead me to thinking about these things. i had fun today with my hair done up in a sixties type do, soft smoky eye make-up, and a bit of pink gloss on my lips. just a girly sweet kind of fun that i hope to try again soon.

now here in my pjs, face cleansed and moisterized, relaxing and thinking about how fun life can be when we indulge our fansies.

i'm hoping your new autumn days are being good to you...

bisou

p.s. i've just read your comments from my previous post... sweet sweet sweet! i love them, and so fitting for a sweet remembrance of mine. i'm pleased! that you appreciate such a lovely memory... thank you!

vintage memories

2009-09-22T22:13:00.000+02:00

i absolutely love stumbling upon something or someones interesting that i previously knew nothing about. i stumbled upon an article in the new york times about the photographer lillian bassman who's family emigrated from russian, lived in brooklyn and then later in greenwhich village. i think i mentioned before i'm always curious about who lives in those fabulous houses in greenwich village with floor to ceiling grande windows where one can look in on the parquet floors holding up a serious collection of antique furniture.

as ms. bassman, now in her 90's, became fed up with the face of fashion and photagraphy, she all together quit the industry. she's back with an exhibit of her photagraphy from the past yet altered using todays technology. she will have a book coming out this autumn.

when i saw pictures of her work it immediately took me back to being a girl in the house as my mom and my aunt would spend time dressing to go dancing with their friends on saturday night. it was as if it were a kind of ritual. and i do mean 'time spent dressing,' as they would fill the house with music and the scent of pretty perfume. they would be walking around barefoot in their slips (remember when we wore slips beneath our dresses?) while styling their hair and putting on their makeup. i was excited myself with all the goings on. i would climb up on the closed toilet in our bathroom and stand and watch my aunt applying her makeup. lipstick was last to go on, and i'd wait, because she would put a little red lipstick on my lips. i'd stand there with my little lips poked out and my eyes closed as she rubied my lips. i'd stay that way for the rest of the night walking around too, barefoot in my panties and t-shirt until i went to bed. which was not very long really because our baby sitter had to have us in bed shortly after their leaving.

how i remember the music playing, the place smelling pretty as they slipped into their dresses and highheels for the evening. they also wore pantyhose with the seem up the middle. i'd help them get the seem in a straight line, a long black line that dissapeared into the back of their patent leather high heel pumps. i'd get a sweet kiss on the cheek and the girls would disappear out the door seemingly in a gently cloud of the most delicate and delicious smelling perfume.

it is a time that has passed...

all images by ms. lillian bassman

i give a frock

2009-09-22T08:08:00.000+02:00

over lunch today i asked the question, have you ever known someone or someones who only takes and either gives nothing or very little? i said they will take and take until the last drop and you'll look up and find you are drained. i did get a lot of yes answers. for a minute i just needed to pull back and keep something for myself. now that i feel stronger i'd like to share again. the thing is to find a balance where i can share and not be drained, and to have some stuff for myself. it takes time to find that balance... ahhh and the patience of a saint...

do it any way~by mother teresa

people are often unreasonable, illogical,

and self-centered;

forgive them anyway.

if you are kind, people may accuse you

of selfish, ulterior motives;

be kind anyway.

if you are successful, you will win some

false friends and some true enemies;

succeed anyway.

if you are honest and frank;

people may cheat you;

be honest and frank anyway.

what you spend years building,

someone could destroy overnight;

build anyway.

if you find serenity and happiness,

they may be jealous;

be happy anyway.

the good you do today,

people will often forget tomorrow;

do good anyway.

give the world the best you have,

and it may never be enough;

give the world the best you've got anyway.

you see, in the final analysis

it is between you and God

it was never between you and them anyway.

image by kat Mcleod

stuff to share

2009-09-18T21:45:00.000+02:00

can you imagine? i was so pleased with me new little summer sandals. i walked down the street trying to walk in a way where i could see my feet as i walked. you know the way? exagerating my steps, sticking out my toes in my sandals so that i could see my feet. oh i guess i was around six or seven years old. this is the way it worked, as my mom was a single mother of four we had to take turns for our new shoes one by one. she would save up and buy a pair for one. save up and buy a pair for the next, and on and on. this was my turn and i was quite pleased with my new shoes. i walked down the street excited to share them with my friends. not in the spirit of bragging, but in the spirit of joy, and i wanted to share this joy. they all gathered around just as excited. i took them off so that they could try them on too, walk around, let's share and enjoy. there was a girl there that i had never met before. you know how children are, it doesn't matter, come on in to our friendship group, happy to have you kind of attitude. she tried on my sandals and in her excitement she asked if she could go home and show her mother. i said yes of course. you know, she never came back. and i did not know who she was or where she lived. you should have seen the look on my mother's face when i came home with no shoes on.

thankfully we saved up and bought another pair. temporary stuff... let it go.

i'll be looking in on you this weekend to see what your up too;) have a nice one!

love

2009-09-17T21:48:00.000+02:00

i keep hearing everyone saying how they knew something was wrong. 'didn't you see the sadness in his eyes?' they would ask. some said they saw his sadness, his addictions, the way he looked and thought, 'i don't want to be like that.' they even separate his life into 2 parts, the life before the child molestation charges, and life after the accusations.

i remember sitting in our living with my friends playing and dancing to michael jackson songs. i remember having the sweetest crush as a girl and wondering if he could ever love me. i remember as an adult watching him one evening on television with his sparkly socks inside basic black loafers, straight legged black trousers, a shimmering blazer, felt hat, and one glimmering glove, slide, slip, moonwalk across the stage. the only thing left to do was fly(?), or perhaps, simply smile deeply.

it's seems millions of times my heart was feathery light watching michael jackson perform. obviously he brought joy and laughter literally to the world. and no one in his circle it seems sincerely took a lot of moments to say 'you allright?' how can i love you? even oprah who i admire immensely said something like she was thrilled to get the interview, and after the interview didn't call.

love at times can be so simple yet profound. a simple sincere... how are you? and even if you wanted to, you could ask 'did you really do the things they say you did?' i think if love is genuine then let's talk about it.

there was a song some years ago that said something like... call me up and see about me. i'm thinking if we have someone who sincerely cares, wants to call you up and see about you, or look over into your eyes and ask 'how you doing?' ... this, money can't buy.

wandering around town

2009-09-17T07:00:00.000+02:00

yesterday, as it was a gorgeous day in nyc i took the liberty of strolling around the city. this is 5th avenue down by greenwich village, one of my favorite spots in the city. i love standing there looking up and down the avenue... you can see the empire state building in the distance to the left.

i stopped, stood, and wondered what would they be serving up here... the line was constant.

they say you never know what you may happen upon in the city. here is a bonafide 'urban living room.' if you click to make it big you can see the 'official sign.' not visible due to my limited photograhy skills is the golden couch in the center with more folks plopped down, as well as 'the rules' that are posted as a one who might hang out in the urban living room...

here some ladies hanging out on the corner. they seemed to be deciding where they might go. i was intrigued by the wine bottle in one of the girl's hand, look down left. i love it. carrying alchohol 'exposed' in nyc is illegal. hee hee...

hope your day was sweet.

ommm

2009-09-16T07:34:00.000+02:00

today in yoga class the instructor when asking us to relax at the beginning of class said to let go of all that does not benefit us; fears, stress, worry. how beautiful and true. it does us no good. we can put our minds on something else. joy, blessings, love, solutions...

it was a good yoga class. i had a teacher say once that there is no such thing as a bad meditation. when we try, no matter, it's good.

there is a thing about nyc. with the millions of people in this town, we all walk around with walls around us. i'm not sure why. people don't look at one another, no eye contact or acknowledgement really, as we go along our day. i always wish it were different. when we step beyond those walls, rather it be asking for directions, or anything that brings us out of our shell it is quite magical.

after yoga class one of the young ladies in the class started talking to me in the locker room. i wonder if she is new in town:) she started telling me about a mosquito that kept biting her all through class. she showed me the bite marks and everything. i couldn't believe it. as we laughed i said to her 'how hard is that?' and you're trying to be serene and meditative and a mosquito is biting you... it really was a human moment shared and i appreciated it. ...let go of all that does not benefit us...

say it ain't so... when it's not

2009-09-15T08:28:00.000+02:00

the u.s. open ended today, so no longer do you have to suffer through my comments about tennis. ok, just one last one. i liked so much during the men's final the way the tennis players had no fear in challenging the umpire. even when they were angry they were strong in their convictions and said what they had to say and it was not always nice. as my mom is from the south, manners are a must. respect before all else. and i've since learned that manners are not always accompanied with kindness. i've always been at a loss when i know someone is clearly in the wrong as to what to say. i believed that being kind and mannerable meant not making waves. keep quiet. wrong!

i see now how one can respectfuly disagree. and disagreement is a must when it seems someone is clearly in the wrong. suffering through rudeness, wrongness or injustice is, well, unjust. and even if disagreement can't always be stated respectfully, it's still better to say what needs to be said somehow. i'm just saying, say it like you mean it, and mean it when you say it.

persistence & commitment

2009-09-13T20:06:00.001+02:00

have you seen the film bend it like beckham? i'd arrived in spain totally unfamiliar with the game of football (soccer here in the u.s.), and equally unfamiliar with david beckham. spain was a good teacher, one can't live in spain and not learn a thing or two about soccer. though beckham is indeed a cutie, me heart belonged to zidane who played for france.

in the film, the main character above who sneaks off to play football despite her family's disaproval proves to be incredibly good at what she does and living her dream. when her family finds out and gets past their fury, her father said something that i loved. in his daughter's effort to live her dream he said with tears in his eyes 'i want her to fight and i want her to win.'

i used to think that if something did not come easily then it wasn't meant to be. why struggle. i've since learned that in most cases, not all, this could not be further from the truth. when it means something to you, fight for it. work for it and work for it really hard. stick with it and commit. keep trying and almost always something will come through. and just when you feel like you've got no more to give, something shifts and the light comes through.

i just finished watching one of the greats in this time in tennis, rafael nadal 'lose' to the argentine del portro. he was losing for most of the match. i watched wanting to turn away at times as he fought to come back (and he did not give up at all). when we try, really try, we win some and we lose some. the important thing is to try and see what comes of it. and if possibly try to enjoy the trying. persist and commit, or commit and persist, and see what presents itself.

with that said, gorgeous, sunny, warm, sunday afternoon here in nyc. nothing wrong with getting out of the house and enjoying a walk in central park. the farmer's market's on today as well, i think i'll have a little stop by. hope your sunday is sweet.

xoxo

focus

2009-09-11T19:39:00.000+02:00

i must admit as a kid i had fun playing with my friends. we played hard and we were serious about our funtime. when i arrived home after school i would do my homework and change out of my school clothes into my play clothes and dart outside for fun and games. this went on for sixteen years and it was a good time i must admit. and i was bright enough that for the most part i did not have to study to pass my exams and courses. i retained enough from our lessons to do well in school. this may be a wonderful gift, in connection for the most part i never really studied before university. so i never really developed the habit of focusing on any one or two things. i like this picture of a girl being still and reading. not that i think a childhood should be all work and no play. not at all. but some planning, plotting and focus i think would have served me well for responsibilities and endeavors in the future. if i could speak to myself when i was say oh... ten years old i might write a letter that looks something like...

dear audrey,

you have a gift darling, you are incredibly smart and bright. how fun and wonderful. and i understand that you are having fun with your friends in and out of school. it's great that you're having such a good time. tell me some of the games you girls and boys are playing. what are some of your favorites?

i see as well that you like school and that you are doing incredibly well. congratualtions! this is wonderful. at the end of the school year, would it be alright with you if we went and had a little celebration? we could talk about some of the things that you like to do, and i could add a few suggestions to give you some new ideas and then we can celebrate you.

what are some of the things that interest you in school? tell me about how you love reading, and how you love your english classes. the reason i am asking you these questions is because i think it could be a wonderful idea if we spend a little more time on your school work and the subjects that you love. we can begin to learn the habit of focus and all the wonderful things that come from focus. it is not as much of a drag as you think it is. when you do something you love after a while it becomes a pleasure to do these things, even if it is hard work. and this will be a good habit to begin to form as it will serve you well when you are a big girl. you can focus on something and with your ability you will be able to do it really well. without focus and effort a good outcome is difficult to achieve. so we will talk about these things.

enjoy your funtime and your schooltime and i'll talk to you soon.

lots of love,
me years later

....
hmmm how interesting as i was writing this letter. thinking how i always begin many things and i don't finish. i am talking to myself these days about focus, and trying to learn a new habit.

i like very much your comments from the previous posts. i have responded with how your words struck me. are you good at focusing, beginning something and completing it? is there something that you wish that you could do well, or do well at enjoying:)? i wrote before how juliette binoche has begun to take dance lessons at the age of 44. how darling! i love this, doing something, committing to something that we enjoy... no matter what the age. i think too when we are doing that thing that we love, we are ageless.

cool and rainy here in nyc. the u.s. open matches are on pause as i have been enjoying watching them. here now with hot tea, cool music and writing... i hope you have a wonderful weekend. i'll definitely be popping in to see what you are up to...

sending weekend hugs!