hello

one ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

skipped town for a minute

(no haven't been to Paris this time...)

it's been only a week since i've last been here. it feels longer. maybe because i haven't had the chance to pop 'round and see what you all have been up to. funny how i miss you when i am away. funny how i miss writing. funny how i get to thinking 'what shall i write about next?' it's a privilege in a way if these are the thoughts that fill my mind these days. i've a sprinkling of other things going through my mind as well. if it's ok, i'll share them in a bit. but my light thoughts, undeep thoughts, have come about recently. i tend to obsess about things. i want to get it as right as possible. but recently when i've had something that i worked on really hard not turn out as i had hoped, i just thought that i will stop trying so hard. not necessarily in a don't care attitude, more so in a more fluid way of existing. what i mean to say is, instead of obsessing over stuff, i will try my best, and 'que sera sera'. and, i give myself permission and time to indulge in things i like without considering these little loves frivilous. it's especially necessary i think, as well in nyc culture where so much is about productivity and making money. a girl definitely has to give herself permission to indulge in stuff that makes her smile...

some friend's of m. came to visit. in allowing myself to be honest, i don't care for them too much. they tend to come take over the place in an incredibly inconsiderate way. so i just skipped town for a couple of days.

i:

1. stayed in a pretty b & b just outside of town

2. browsed shops with beautiful home decor stuff

3. hung out in book stores until they started preparations for closing

4. ate 'comfort food' as i am nursing a broken tooth that is being mended

5. reading a cool book about an australian finding his way in paris. i'm beginning to wonder if i am dreaming of having the 'awful privilege' of finding my way about paris.

6. took a conversation class with a french teacher (didn't go so well but i'll keep tryin')

7. upon return met with some folks at a house warming party and relished in the idea that i'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin. i didn't find a corner to hide out in...

hope you and yours are doing good these summer days...

last days of summer...

one sunny afternoon my mom came home with new summer sandals for me. it was my turn. my mom is a single mother with four children and she couldn’t buy all of us shoes at the same time. so she would buy us all shoes one by one as we needed them, and this was my turn. new pretty sandals for the summer. i was so happy and beside myself, i couldn’t wait to show my friends, not in a spirit of pride, more so in the spirit of sharing my enjoyment and fun. we were little things, maybe four years old or so, and these were the days when children could go out and play in front of the house or nearby without any problems for the most part.

there i was with the girls showing them my sandals. some of the girls i knew and some of them i didn’t know. and now that i think of it, of course, you know how children just take up playing with one another, it doesn’t matter that they haven’t met before. in a way there is something beautiful in that, how it doesn’t matter, they see one another as the same.

this day when the girls were admiring my sandals and trying them on, (we girls have always liked sharing and borrowing and lending our pretty things) one of the girls whom i did not know asked if she could wear my new sandals home and show her mom how pretty they were. of course i said, she left me her shoes and i waited for her to come back. she never did. i was heart broken. and since i didn’t know the girl i did not know where she lived.

i went home with someone else’s shoes, my mother couldn’t believe her eyes. i was crying and wearing these strange and ill fitting shoes. once my mom was able to determine that i was safe and unharmed, she could not believe the story of my stolen summer sandals. she took me by the hand and we set out to find the little girl who had taken my shoes. my mom talked about the work and the amount of time it took her to save to buy me new sandals, this paled in comparison to my little heart break experience of the day, though i tried my best to sympathize as a little one.

we never did find that little girl thief (smile), and i had to wear my old sandals for the rest of the summer. but as children tend to do, i forgot all about it in little or no time and concentrated on summer fun.