wrote a little poem this mornin'

your showing up was

perfect
you had no reason to be nervous

though to be nervous is normal

and human

you are perfectly

you

~audrey

the flowers are coming...

new york is a funny town in the sense that there are sooooo many people, yet we are pretty good at keeping our distance. people who i know who come from small towns say that they like living in new york because it offers anonymity (sp?). i think that is one of the reasons why celebrities like living here as well. i have a neighbor who just seems incredibly interesting to me. i met her one time while she was tending to the flowers outside our apartment building. the flower pots in spring and summer outside our door are really full of gorgeous flowers, but i had no idea how they got there... was it magic. so one sunny summer day i caught her out there with her gardening tools and water buckets and i introduced myself and complimented her on how pretty the flowers always are, and i thanked her for sharing such beauty. she explained to me how while growing up she always helped her mother in their garden, so she has been doing this a long time.

though it's a small apartment building, it's relatively quiet and we as neighbors in general don't really run into eachother. since meeting the gardening neighbor last summer, without exageration i have seen her one other time, but there are traces of her existence. though i know nothing about gardening, it looks like she is 'preparing the soil' for spring flowers. when i walk outside now i can see where she has watered down the dry soil. these days the soil now is soaking wet, when during the winter it was hard and dry. i think she's getting things ready for the spring flowers that are coming.

i really love them and i told her so. she said that it's really nice to know that someone takes notice and appreciates them. i do. in a city where everyone is so busy being busy, her flowers are a sweet treat when i step outside my door or coming in from a day out on the town... bless her heart.

musings around town

i have a little secret that i have been keeping to myself, that is i have been giving private english classes. i have only kept it to myself because i was not sure how it was going to work out. but the classes continue. they take up a tiny amount of my time, just a few hours on the weekends, but they are finding a wonderful place in my heart. let me explain. i tutor privately 2 brothers ages 9 and 10. going into this gig i thought it would be a nice way to help and pick up a few extra dollars to allow me to indulge in my museum, tea, and film going fixations. and this little gig is turning out to be more than i imagined. the basics are, they are two boys who have been living in new york for 6 months. they are attending a private school and all their classes are in english. so they have to navigate learning to speak english while keeping up with their studies. can you imagine? children continue to fascinate me. they are doing it. in six months they are almost fluent. the thing is just to iron out a few kinks here and there in terms of prononciation, writing, and learning new vocabulary words. i try to help them with their confidence as well, so that they can be a bit more secure when in class and hanging out with their friends. i think because they are 'into it,' that is, they are really interested in learning, it is a really enjoyable experience for me. aside from asking them to put away the nintendo, i have no real discipline issues. oh... their sweet mom sometimes makes tea for us and brings it to the study, i do have to hide the sugar because they literally will eat sugar rocks out of the jar like it is candy. so i'll let you know as time passes of the incredibly delightful things they say and do, sometimes we are in the room just laughing as we make our way through their lessons. yesterday boy l. tied a multi colored blanket around his neck in his efforts and performance to explain to me what a 'cloak of invisibility' is as we were reading harry potter and going over new vocabulary words. can you imagine?

change...

while living in madrid, one young woman said to me something that i thought was incredibly interesting. she is from paris. it was during the last u.s. elections 3 years ago. she said 'the whole world should be able to vote for the u.s. president. it is an election that effects the entire world.' wow. an incredibly interesting point. is change on the horizon? i sincerely and deeply and profoundly hope so. can we talk about a basic decency, respect... and do we go as far as honor in u.s. relations with all people both at home and abroad. that is a change i hope to see...

saw some art this week

i wonder if i will ever be able to talk about art intelligently. mostly all i can see is what i like and what i don't like. i like the work of this artist, aaron douglas. many of his paintings are from the harlem renaissance and they are his reflections on african heritage. i tend to like the soft colours he chooses and the way they can blend into one another. in addition his paintings inspire a curiosity about a culture i know very little about. i suspect when africa is good, it is really good. one young french guy said to me that there is no better living than the living in africa. i feel confident in saying, he must mean aside from the numerous tragedies that we hear about. and even still i have heard that in the face of tragedy, that when you are there, the people have such hope and faith that it is incredibly uplifting. it definitely seems like it is something one has to be in the midst of to know. those who have, share stories of hope and inspiration. courageous i call them...

i had no idea that my transition into the next idea that i wanted to share would seem so frivolous. that is, going from ideas of art and happenings in africa to ... film. forgive me, it is not my intention to be insensitive, just sharing a series of ideas...

this film

leaves me at a loss for words. i went to see it because i been told by many folk 'it's really good but it is incredibly violent and disturbing.' i've waited to see it because i was thinking that i could do without 'incredibly violent and disturbing,' and in a way i was right. as i watched the film i thought there are plenty more pleasing doings i could be up to. with that said i was there, and i had paid my money, so let's see where this goes. the coen brothers have a way of creating the most bizarre, albeit interesting stories. the film is well done, interesting, startling, and strange. it's good but... it's a tough film to watch. javier bardem delivers another 'fine' performance. some folks think that the main character kills because he just likes it. i tend to disagree. i think the character has some twisted sense of honor and ethics. like when he breaks his arm and convinces a kid to give him his shirt for a $100. the kid at first is reluctant to take the money. bardem encourages him to take it, it's just the 'right' thing to do. the kid gave up his shirt, he should be paid for it, even if the money comes from a man all bloodied with a broken arm who will pay that much money for a shirt that could easily cost $5. but that is not the point. and i think that is the one intriguing thing about this movie. in the midst of all the drugs, killing, confusion and fear it does encourage one to ask the question, what is the point, whether in the middle of a film or in life.

keep in touch

let's take this slow. i feel like it has been an eternity since i have met you here on this space. i missed it so. as i walk around manhattan i often think about the words i wish to share, as well as words i have read on other blog spaces. i enjoy the exchange of experiences and ideas.

while walking one night i glanced over at the manhattan skyline and noticed a bridge. i'm not sure which bridge it was (not this one, just a picture i like) because i tend to get my bridges mixed up in this town. but the idea came upon me that it seems like a good idea if i can make a connection between where i am and where i would like to be in a logical way. as opposed to ending one thing and starting up another from scratch, as i usually do. starting from scratch, after you have done it a number of times becomes increasingly difficult.

i found these words, or did they find me...

'the wise woman bridges the gap by laying out the path by means of which she can get from where she is to where she wants to go.' john pierpont morgan (gender inclusion my own)

i've been looking for a new job. spending hours on the computer responding to job postings in an effort for better work and a better quality of life.

last week i went on 2 interviews and i hope that some interview some time will materialise into an actual work assignment.

('i was looking for a job and then i found a job and heaven knows i'm miserable now'. ~the smiths)

so for the first time in many years, i have had to don a suit. (not me, just a picture i like) you should have seen me, i was cute. still wearing a suit is like living in another universe; the way people treat and respond to you. unlike when i am moving around in my jeans and sports jacket. people call me miss h. and i wonder who are they talking to.

and in my efforts to snag new employment, as mentioned, my creative juices have been stifled, or perhaps directed elsewhere. and though i have been resisting returning to the 'corporate thing,' truth is, the pay is better and it is less demanding. when i have been involved in my creative endeavors i am always stressed about making ends meet. so i'm making a change.

and in connection to bridges, i'm interested in making a change in work and other aspects of my life in a balanced and harmonious way. that is, having my day job and at the same time having the time, energy and interest in indulging in the many and varied things that make me smile. i have learned over the years that we simply have to be intentional about it. sure work can be tiresome and draining, but we have to do it. well, most of us. so the thing is not to allow my creative curiosity to suffer, because then i suffer. i need art.

and these past weeks have been a good example of what can happen. while i am absorbed in my job search i was thinking that i have nothing pretty to share here in this space, nothing fantastic or fantastical. and then it dawned on me that the truth of the matter can be fantastic. that is, amongst friends or interested parties it could just be fantastic to know what i am up to, as opposed to missing in action. i know i want to know what my friends are up to, whether they are writing new music like h. or fashioning words for a thesis like n. or the lastest film j. has seen. so i hope to learn to share what i have been up to as well... even if it is not 'fantastic.'