grace, graciousness...grateful

because of her graciousness and gentleness my friend h. reminds me very much of audrey hepburn. one afternoon in a sky high cafe in manhattan that over looks 5th afternoon, there i was sipping tea and reading. h. leaned over and mentioned that we happen to be reading the same book, and thus began our friendship.

one evening she invited me to her dinner party. i walked into her candle lit home filled with pretty music and friendly party people. she herself had prepared delicious food that spread from one end of her lengthy dining table to the other. she wore a soft cotton black ankle length dress as she mingled with her guests in her bare feet. it was a special evening. i only found out weeks later that there was a secret in the air. it was her birthday. rumour has it that she wanted to spend her special day with friends without the stress and pressure that can come when another birthday presents itself.... simply a celebration.








a red velvet cup cake kind of day...

this afternoon as we were to rendez -vous in soho for lunch. she is on the mend. she sprang her ankle. she called to say that she has made red velvet cup cakes and if i can come by her place to share with a cup of tea. it's hard for her to navigate the city with a bruised ankle.

... these angels come into our lives and catch us when we are mostly not looking.

i only hope that i can be a friend as well to those close to my heart. i've got some good examples...
dear friends... i hope you have a red velvet cup cake kind of day!

something for the heart

the other day i ran into s. a friend of mine who i had not seen in a while. he suggested we go for a walk. oh we like to talk about the arts, travel, our hopes and desires... we walk slowly, enjoying one another's presence and eager to ponder one another's opinions and ideas. while walking on that pretty day there was a moment where i realised within me, that to have friends to walk through life with is a special treat!

a friend is someone who reaches out for your hand... and touches your heart.

~unknown

breaking bread

it once was said to me to be careful and intentional about who i 'break bread' with. the idea is that when we spend time with someone or someones we begin to become a part of one another. we not only share our thoughts and opinions, we share ourselves. taking on one another in mind and spirit.

these past few days i have been galavanting around the city with m. and b. from germany. though i've passed some time with them before, they for the most part are friends of a friend. i haven't really had the opportunity to spend time with them alone. when passing time exclusively it takes on a whole other level of intimacy. while meandering through the streets of manhattan we shared stories of growing up, our present day interests and concerns, some of our dreams, stories about people we love...

and i am beginning to see how over time, whether consciously or unconsciously, if we spend enough time together, we become a part of one another's lives. friends. so the thing is, if we can see clear enough, i guess that when spending time with someone, we should have a sense that it really is someone that we want to share ourselves with, and we want to be receiving of who they are as well.

i could not help but think of a. he and i had been best friends for what seems like forever and a day. joined at the hip almost. my buddy. partner in crime. when he met the lady who is now his wife, our friendship slid slowly to an end. she did not want him spending time with me, and to keep the peace and to please her i no longer see him. it has taken me a long time to get over not having him in my life (not sure if i am over it). when the years passed and i wondered why it has taken me so long to get past the whole situation, i began to realise that not only had we grown up together, we had grown into one another. i carried him, his hopes and his dreams in my heart. i'd like to think he did the same of me. he was in my system, and like it or not, just as our friendship was many years in the making, even if i wanted to, i could not just flush it or him out of my heart. it's been three years since i've seen him. it hurts a whole lot less now. and i am glad that it is taking me time to get 'over' our friendship, because if it were so easy to get over it, i would have to question whether it was genuine in the first place.

sometimes i get to missing 'breaking bread' with him. but life in it's ability to bring into play that which is new and lovely, i wonder about my friendships now and the friendships to come. missing the ones that have had their time, and loving the ones that present themselves presently... i am open and careful and intentional, as best i can. nothing and no one is perfect, but we try...

familiar strangers

there's a tiny little 'cafe' that i visit that serves indian food. it's a cute little spot with delicious food. it has an incredibly informal and fun atmosphere. folks on the go stop in for a friendly, tasty quick bite and are off in no time. the 'chai tea' is delicious (knowing that 'chai' is the word for tea, but somehow that's what it's called), so it's sweet to take a moment to sip a warm cup of chai and just be... alone or with friends.

yesterday i spoke a bit with y. who was granted asylum here in the states as he is from tibet. we spoke about his children, the time he spent in india, as well as some of his experiences here in the states. it didn't just happen like that. our little friendship has been brewing for quite a while. over time, when i stop in for a nice warm meal we trade smiles, and then hellos, and then 'how are you's,' and when i don't come for a while 'where you been and how have you been...' yesterday as we got to talking about new york culture, the high price of rents, and his wife and children who are coming soon from india... it dawned on me that these are the makings of relationships, how a person or persons go from being strangers to sharing our thoughts and experiences. it's a nice flowering to our days and our lives...

'irish i were drunk'

this weekend will be the celebration of st. patrick's day, with a parade on monday. i been told that there is no parade like it in the world. i'm tempted to believe it. a good friend of mine here from the states married an irish man. i believe he is from outside of cork. they live here now in new york with 5 children. i thought who has 5 children anymore. they do, and really they are gorgeous children. the beauty gods have been kind to them.

well, i find this funny. my friend called me up one day a bit upset. she had already handled the 'situation' but she just needed to let off some steam. one st. patrick's day weekend her husband asked her if she could drive into the city saturday night. it would be late and he wondered if she could come and pick him up.

now mind you, she would be at home with the 5 kids, not as free to hang out and party for the st. pat's weekend, and he would be out drunk with his friends...

she said to me 'he's the one out partying, why do i have to drive into the city at 3 in the morning to pick him up?' she told him 'take the subway!' (subway not metro, and runs 24 hours here in new york). my friend's husband, kevin, looked at her in all seriousness as said 'i am going to be soooo drunk, i won't even be able to make it to the subway.'

love that story, needless to say my friend did not think it was funny.

hope u have a wonderful weekend!

sunday brunch

i had a delicious lunch with g. this past sunday at cafe orlin. lady n., i think you and i and k. were there for a weekend brunch. now that i think of it, it was the first time we met. what a fantastic day. and then walking over to the boardwalk in greenwhich village to sit in the grass and talk...

well this past sunday i had poached egges and potatos. thing is, brunch in ny is a big thing. it's a wonderful way to meet with friends after an intense week and hang around, eat good food, and catch up.

keep in touch

let's take this slow. i feel like it has been an eternity since i have met you here on this space. i missed it so. as i walk around manhattan i often think about the words i wish to share, as well as words i have read on other blog spaces. i enjoy the exchange of experiences and ideas.

while walking one night i glanced over at the manhattan skyline and noticed a bridge. i'm not sure which bridge it was (not this one, just a picture i like) because i tend to get my bridges mixed up in this town. but the idea came upon me that it seems like a good idea if i can make a connection between where i am and where i would like to be in a logical way. as opposed to ending one thing and starting up another from scratch, as i usually do. starting from scratch, after you have done it a number of times becomes increasingly difficult.

i found these words, or did they find me...

'the wise woman bridges the gap by laying out the path by means of which she can get from where she is to where she wants to go.' john pierpont morgan (gender inclusion my own)

i've been looking for a new job. spending hours on the computer responding to job postings in an effort for better work and a better quality of life.

last week i went on 2 interviews and i hope that some interview some time will materialise into an actual work assignment.

('i was looking for a job and then i found a job and heaven knows i'm miserable now'. ~the smiths)

so for the first time in many years, i have had to don a suit. (not me, just a picture i like) you should have seen me, i was cute. still wearing a suit is like living in another universe; the way people treat and respond to you. unlike when i am moving around in my jeans and sports jacket. people call me miss h. and i wonder who are they talking to.

and in my efforts to snag new employment, as mentioned, my creative juices have been stifled, or perhaps directed elsewhere. and though i have been resisting returning to the 'corporate thing,' truth is, the pay is better and it is less demanding. when i have been involved in my creative endeavors i am always stressed about making ends meet. so i'm making a change.

and in connection to bridges, i'm interested in making a change in work and other aspects of my life in a balanced and harmonious way. that is, having my day job and at the same time having the time, energy and interest in indulging in the many and varied things that make me smile. i have learned over the years that we simply have to be intentional about it. sure work can be tiresome and draining, but we have to do it. well, most of us. so the thing is not to allow my creative curiosity to suffer, because then i suffer. i need art.

and these past weeks have been a good example of what can happen. while i am absorbed in my job search i was thinking that i have nothing pretty to share here in this space, nothing fantastic or fantastical. and then it dawned on me that the truth of the matter can be fantastic. that is, amongst friends or interested parties it could just be fantastic to know what i am up to, as opposed to missing in action. i know i want to know what my friends are up to, whether they are writing new music like h. or fashioning words for a thesis like n. or the lastest film j. has seen. so i hope to learn to share what i have been up to as well... even if it is not 'fantastic.'

angels can fly...

"angels can fly because they take themselves lightly"

i love this expression. a friend of mine invited me to a reception at his conservatory. it was a celebration for the alumni of julliard school of music. i am always impressed the few times i enter julliard just because i remember that miles davis spent some time there. to think that he and i have moved in some of the same spaces... kinda cool. when we walked into the reception hall there were more than enough tables spread full of delicious food. i love to eat. but it was a funny evening because while all the alumni were rightly excited and enthusiastic about seeing one another after who knows how many years, i was making my rounds among the food filled tables tasting this, and testing that. honestly everything was delicious, they even had frosted strawberry cake! but while there i noticed something, that is, i have never gone to any of my own university reunions (i have one coming up and i think i'll go). mostly because i have always thought that they are spaces where people return to judge one another. that may be a part of it, but really so what! it was a delight to be in a celebratory space where people were genuinely excited about seeing one another again, no matter what the other sentiments may have been, this was the prevailing one... one of sheer excitement. i thought of the angel phrase while there. don't take it all so seriously, have fun and eat cake!

merry christmas

s. is coming to visit from madrid, just a few days after christmas. funny the preparations i'm making. it's funny because i'm not a domestic person in the least. and in general i haven't had many guests so i ask myself how does one prepare for a guest? strange i know, i should know this by now.

but i figure, it's pretty basic right? the sheets and towels are already cleaned. the house is clean already as well. i learned to clean because my grandmother worked as a cleaning lady. when i was a little one, maybe 8 or 9 years old, she would take me with her in the summertime to work. we took long train rides out to the suburbs to the homes of the wealthy, or rather well off. i remember how i loved those train rides. looking back now i wonder if it is because i love to travel, no matter how short the distance. traveling to places and enviorns, the newness of it all, i love it! anyway, we would arrive, divide the rooms to be cleaned amongst us, and get to it. i learned to clean, and i had a chance to be in spaces and places with lovely furniture in beautifully decorated homes, in gorgeous neighborhoods with lots of space and greenery. i think it some how fed my desire for loveliness, at least in the physical.

so with the cleaning done, when s. and i are together (m. completes our trio, but i have to wait until april to see her; more sweetness on the horizon), we like having our wine, and cheese, and olives of course (we lived in spain), and we sit and chat for hours and listen to music. oh, and he likes candle lit spaces. so i've bought more candles, some wine, olives.... i think i only need to buy a few groceries, and with that some nice cheeses. wish me luck...

it's nice right? holidays, a break from the hustle and bustle of the everyday, moments with friends... christmas love to you all...