Tuesday, December 16, 2008

creeping away

when people ask me about my family, i simply say that i don't see them very often, they're not very nice people. though to think of it, i think i remember that the adams family were nice people, though a little 'creepy and kooky...'

still it's all a bit creepy. of my family of five, 3 persons have birthdays this month, and all clustered together. i made my last phone call for the year last night to say my 'happy birthday wishes' and i should be free and good until after the new year.

i made up a story saying i would be away skiing for the holidays and i'll be back in touch after the new year. it's not true, and i use this space as my confession booth. how stinky is this situation.

when i wake up in the morning, i stay quiet and still for a moment thinking of what my responsibilities are for the new day. this morning i thought of my family and the pain i suffered beneath them and i was leaning towards being sad. but then i remembered, though they take the wind out of my sails for a minute and i get back up, they don't destroy me like they used to. not only do they not have this power any more, i've gotten stronger and wiser, thankfully. this makes me happy. and plus, sad but true, it frees me up to create for myself a life that brings me joy.

invent your world, surround
yourself with people, color
sounds, and work that
nourish you... sark


La Belette Rouge said...

It is endlessly amazing to me how so many wonderful people come out of the most "creepy" and less than fantastic families. Your energy of joy, joie de vivre,and encouragement and optimism would have made me guess you came from an environment of the same. I am sorry that is not true.

This makes me admire you even more the world you create, the color that surrounds you and the supportive and lovely freinds you have. Enjoy the skiing trip and the break from the "creepy and kooky"!;-)

Julianne said...

Sometimes that is what you have to do. I am sorry that you grew up in less than wonderful conditions. But look what a creative and cool person you turned out to be!

Edi Style said...

:-( Come and have mine anytime. My first time here, i came via Lala and will be back

Susu said...

Dear Audrey,

I'm really sorry to read that about your family. But also very glad to see how well you're now doing in life. It's yet more respectable. I hope that you'll be surrounded by people that do you good this holiday season. Good friends can be a very good family too. I'll actally be on a skiing trip - so maybe you're on the same one;)? Keep doing things that lift you up! You're on the good road my dear!

Here, There, Elsewhere... and more said...

Your post is so moving - what courage it has taken you to come through...

I have the utmost admiration for you, your achievements and the love and joy you spread around (even if only via your blog).

We don't choose our families but we can choose our friends and we can create a UNIQUE family unit of our own - when the time is right and we've met the right person...

We ski all winter, if you're ever our way, give me a shout, I'd to share a sisterly BIG HUG..:)

My Castle in Spain said...

Dear Audrey,
you mentioned earlier this "discordance" with your family. I'm sorry to hear it's still on but yes, distance is at times a great remedy...
To make you smile and even laugh, let me tell you a "petite histoire". I can't say, I'm on bad terms with my parents but keeping a distance makes things easier for us. 2 years ago, I decided to join my family in France for Christmas after may be 3 years of absence. Can you believe, i was so stressed with the whole d..thing, I got a herpes zoster, at my parent's place, 3 days after my arrival !!
(it is one the ugliest forms of herpes which transforms half of your forehead into a hideous gigantic purulent zone). This is why i have a fringe by the way.

Well, the doctor asked me if i had suffered an emotional strike and i understood it all!

So dear girl, it is indeed not a pleasant situation to have to lie to one's family in order to avoid them but you're wise !

Stay warm.

The Wanderers' Daughter said...

Not all "family" is what you are attached to by blood. I am lucky in my relationship with my mother, but not all my blood ties are as secure.
Neither my husband nor my daughter are related to me by blood, and yet they are my closest family, those I love the most and who love me the most, those who bring me joy every day. My daughter was abandoned by her birth parents three days after her birth. I hope she is happy with the parents who took her in...I know we are filled with gratitude every day for the gift of having her in our lives. You are right...we can chose with whom we surround ourselves. That is our gift. Family is what you make it.

Lavinia said...

Audrey, it is sad that your family situation is like this, but many, many millions of people around the world, experience this same situation. It is mystifying, how those who should love and support us the most, oftentimes fail to do so. ANd in many cases, in fact, do the opposite. It sounds as if you have made good progress toward keeping yourself emotionally detached and healthy, and away from unhealthy dynamics/relationships. I applaud you!