Monday, December 28, 2009

dear you

it's normal right, the year is coming to an end. we become reflective, what has been. what is. what will be. it has been said, a life unexamined is not worth living...

year end festivities. do celebrate, do have fun in your own special way. and remember...

when making your list of desired improvements and simply desires, perhaps make another list...
of all the ways you have been wonderful this year!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

have yourself...

thinking of You, have yourself a nice one...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

brand new day!

brand new day... what to wear?

have a nice one, dear You!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

mais pas encore

i'm breaking taboo again by talking about the weather... baby it's cold outside! we had pretty nice and not so cold weather up until now. i had a friend once who moved here from israel in the summertime and loved it here. he had heard rumours about how cold it gets in nyc in the wintertime and asked me about it. 'does it get cold here, he asks?' 'extremely.' was my gentle reply. he was afraid as he should have been. it freezes here in the wintertime, and the thing that makes it painful is that for the most part, new yorkers walk long distances all the time, every day. so we don't have the comfort of popping in our cars, driving somewhere and then popping into a cosy warm interior. so for the most part we live the sting of winter and it's painful.

as it hasn't gotten cold up til now, i thought, maybe this winter won't be so bad. but the cold has come on suddenly and with fervor. so this morning while dressing i was talking to myself like a little girl. 'girl it's alright, brace yourself 'cause it's cold. you know the deal, and it'll be cold for some months now.

we buddle up and head out for the day, until we can come home again and curl up and shake off the day...

i mentioned during big holidays my little corner of the world empties out. it's such a physical telling of all the folks who move to nyc from somewhere else. i love all the different faces and sounds of different languages being spoken. i sometimes just close my eyes when i'm walking and hear simultaneously all the different languages i can hear in my hearing distance. it's beautiful, so much like a song.

no my sweet people from somewhere else have gone home for the holidays. it's a bit of a pretty snowy ghost town, and this i love too. and i find comfort in knowing that i just have to hop on the subway and travel literally a few stops and i'm in the thick of greenwhich village, times square, lincoln center, park ave... in no time, depending on my mood...

but i have always liked quiet places that i can sneak away to when the hustle and bustle gets to me. i take a breather, and then i'm on my way again. one of the places i like to duck into is st. patrick's cathedral. it's gorgeous. i so often just sit there and soak in the beauty of the space...

but wheather i'm hanging inside or outside, in the freezing cold or cosy interiors, i try to appreciate the pretty parts that the city has to offer, all it's various moods and manifestations...

i have the below picture in my archive of photos. i think of it these days, when i comfort myself in saying spring always follows winter! this photo captures precisely what we feel like when we come out of a nyc city winter; exhausted, relieved, pleased, excited and warmed.

that's the thing right... we appreciate the sunny days so much deeply because of the grey winter days... to be loved and appreciated in their own way.
mais pas encore mon amis, not just yet my friends, we've got winter to delight ourselves in. every season in it's own time...
p.s. you know how when you or a friend tastes something and it's horrible, you scrunch up your face and say 'taste this!' yuck. ...why do we do that?
i have what i call a 5 year gap year. when i lived in spain all kinds of stuff happened here in the states that i knew nothing about. i remember returning home one Christmas and wondering who is Paris Hilton, as she had been everywhere, television, magazines, newspapers, and i had zero idea who she was.
and stuff like this, i still can't put together. but i must say i like her boots! have a look, or taste this! here
have a wonderful day! & be warm...

Monday, December 21, 2009

girl talk

talked by phone with my longtime friend g. today. hee hee we stumbled upon the idea of how when we were girls in our twenties how we would get dressed in cute little dresses to go out on the town for the evening. the idea came about by seeing the young ladies now in little dresses and high heels in a snow storm. we had to laugh because we did the very same thing as stupid as it is.

oh i loved the fashion from the eighties...

it makes most people cringe, but it's nostalgic for me, when it's so much fun for a girl to be adorably pretty... i had all kinds of magazines piled up near a wall in my room. my mom would walk in and just smile. i loved books and fashion magazines and they filled my room...


daahling, so what are you doing for Christmas?

Christmas is coming in it's own time. i've heard some various stories. M.'s family calls almost everyday in excited expectations of his return home, and too they discuss the menu for Christmas eve and day, a kind of distant collaboration until he arrives...

G. is going to new england to a big house way deep in the woods, there she'll play with friends, meals in front a cosy fireplace (she's a wonderful cook), walks in the woods, will there be snow?

P. is one of many who suffer during this time, dissappointed expectations, family drama... i'm trying to think of a lovely gift to ease the pain.

this holiday always brings a mix of excitement and anticipation for some, and a bit, if not a whole lot of dread for others.

for me, to begin the day i hope to keep my recent tradition. where i live empties out during holidays, most people are from someplace else. it really is like a ghost town, something out of twilight zone. i love it, more space and more peace in the absence of the crowds. i like to get up really early, 7ish in the morning and go for a walk along the boardwalk. steamy tea in hand. there, families with little ones are already out, as the little ones get up incredibly early i suppose. sweeties too are holding hands enjoying the new Christmas morning. there are only a little bit of us out and it's real sweet. then i return to join friends and family to see what Santa has brought...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

snow dreams

i believe it was the novelist elmore leonard who mentioned one should never begin a story with the weather... how boring.

does it count that this really isn't a story... the city is covered in snow! it's a winter wonderland, i aim to find my way deep into central park to play...

happy sunday to you...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

qu'est-ce que tu fais ce week-end?

thing is, there's always a reason not to write. i learned that some time ago. some years ago i had a cyst on my eye and i was scheduled for minor surgery to remove it. i was in university at the time and that afternoon i had an appointment to meet with my advisor. i thought the little surgery would be a snap, then i'd go and meet my advisor afterwards regarding a writing assignment i had. turned out the little surgery was more painful and bloody than i thought. i left the doctors office with a bit of a shiner and in deep pain. why didn't i know that even though the removal of the bump on my eye was nothing serious, that whole part of the face is incredibly sensitive around the eye, and the eyelids. how painful.

i was in too much pain to go through my meeting with my advisor, i went by his office to tell him so and to make my apologies. he was sympathetic, but saw no reason not to have our meeting. i felt i couldn't go on, but he insisted. it would only take 5 minutes to give me my writing instructions, he let me know. that was a painful 5 minutes. then, there, i thought, there is always a good reason not to write. much can claim our time and attention.

my eye healed nearly perfectly. that was the plan. while at the eye doctor, when first having the little bump on my eye examined, the doctor specifically said he was going to send me to a specialist. i remember his words as he hovered over me looking closely at my eyelid, shining that light just brightly. he said 'when this is removed, you want this to look like it was never there.' the specialist did an excellent job, only i can see the miniscule scar, because i know just where to look. ...our scars remind us of where we've been. i have a real nice one on my knee that i call my italian scar. i got it on a train ride from rome to naples one lovely morning, ...but that's a different story.

and here we are again, another reason not to write. here in the big city we are having our first real snow fall. the snow is pretty and soft, floating down silently these pre-Christmas days. thought i sit down and write a bit, and then i saw the snow fall. the first one! i want to be out in it. ...what about writing? hmmm...

sweet saturday dear You!
bon week-end

Friday, December 18, 2009

yum yum, hot wine...

for some reason i'd never heard of Christmas markets before spending a few years in spain. there, it was my friends from finland that invited me to the german Christmas market in madrid. what a mix right? there i learned of all the creative goodies that one could buy as gifts for Christmas. I learned too, about hot wine. there are various names for this yummy brew of hot wine which can have fruit and nuts in it depending on which country you happen to find yourself in during the holiday season. I just love it, wandering through the markets on chilly nights, feasting upon all the goodies that are offered. what makes it especially special too is traveling these markets with friends, sipping hot wine, chatting, munching, shopping... hope these days leading up to Christmas are good for you...
sending melodic Christmas carol hugs... do have a sweet weekend.
image from life

Thursday, December 17, 2009

le niveau suivant

yesterday i got my yoga class schedule a bit mixed up. i ended up in a more advanced class, and boy was it advanced. at one moment i asked... is she really standing on her head while her legs are sideways touching the floor. hmmm. it was wonderful because it made me think, to see what progress looks like. i said to the teacher afterwards that i can see where i can challenge myself to move myself to the next level.

i'm a very visual person. so seeing for me is believing. i think this is a wonderful metaphor for life. at the same time there are some pretty profound teachings about hoping when that which is hoped for is not seen. and too, sometimes seeing helps us to see what the next level can look like, and we can align ourselves in such a way to prepare for growth...

is it really almost Christmas? one friend was telling me of her holiday plans and i marveled at how she had it all together so soon. i looked at the calender and saw that Christmas is next week!
i do hope your preparations are coming along nicely...
(if you don't use it you lose it. after studying french intensely for a year, i feel like i remember almost nothing. i will try to eke out a few words here. don't pay this section any mind. le niveau suivant, or should it be le niveau prochaine...)
listening to michael jackson's human nature... phew, what a year. but too, it has been quite beautiful for me in many ways. i hope twenty o nine was/is good to you.
sending kisses...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

the actress robin wright penn talked about never really liking her work as an actress during an interview on charlie rose. she also talked about fear, and how after a while it's so tiresome being afraid all the time. thing is, she shares, just do it, fail if you have to, there may be something on the other side of that fear.

she has a new film out called the private lives of pippa lee, which looks good but heavy. she was teary eyed saying this work she is proud of. ... i enjoy her as an actress. i'm surprised to hear that she has not been satisfied with her work. i'm pleased to hear that this performance she loves. i'm sorry that fear holds us in it's grips.

each day is a new opportunity, a new chance to try again. i love that this is...

Monday, December 14, 2009

don't call it a comeback

i think the singer sade is quite stunning. i wrote in a post some time ago how there are some things that are difficult for me to indulge in because they are too heartfelt. i want to move in another direction rather than feel so deeply. i bet you this is the cause too of some of my frustration these days. the good stuff i want to run and hide from... deep flavors of sun dried tomatoes, these days too, garlic... the flavors are intense. an incredibly well written novel with rich dialogue... i may have to take a seat on a shrinks sofa to find out what that's about. or as mentioned, sit and sip wine with a friend and talk about it.
sade has a new album (i love using the word album, it's so retro) coming out in early 2010 (i like saying twenty ten too). it is her first in almost a decade. i was at her last concert in 2000, front row. i simply adore her soulful sensual heartbreaking lyrics. thing is, she takes these incredibly loooonnng breaks between albums. she says she takes time for living, and caring for the people she loves. makes perfect sense to me.
some writers call it a come back. they don't know what they're talking about. they may even be too young, unless they have been writing for the past twenty five years. if they have been then they know that she purposely takes long periods of time between her musical recordings. she loves performing, but she loves her family and friends even more, and would rather spend the time with them. and when the desire to produce and perform presents itself again... she graces us with her presence.
once when i was to buy tickets to one of her concerts, a friend of mine asked me if i could really sit through a sade concert, wouldn't that be too boring she asks me. i knew then that sade's slow melodic style is not for everyone. i can respect that. when sade left the stage almost ten years ago she was in her early 40's, i was not sure if i would see her again. now at 50, she's back, simply. love it! in my opinion she has a tiny bit of age in her voice, and this i love as well. it seems like a life lived with beautiful music with family and friends that sweeten each and everyday, or present those bitter days that encourage seasoning and growth. you may know what i mean.
and too i think about my own life. as the living is happening i look to season my days in such a way that i am as excited about my own self and journey, as i am about the journey of another, or perhaps even more so, just cause it's healthier that way. anywho, she's back and i'm excited.
have a look from one of her past songs from the eighties... the sweetest taboo here
is there someone who's music you adore? do tell sweet you!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

i'm just sayin'

in connection to the tiger woods' scandal... his wife bought a 2.2. million dollar home in sweden (the yellow one on the right). i'm just saying the home looks nice. you know my imagination, i won't even bother to talk about the gossip, scandal, betrayal and heartbreak. i'm just saying this looks like a really nice place for a girl and her babies to get away, to shake off and heal from all that breaks the heart. girlfriends can come over for a nice cup of tea, while away the afternoon hours which can spin into evening where delicious wine and dinner is insisted upon. the sweet love of loved ones can lift a heart...

speaking of love and friends, you did a really nice thing in my last post. your comments were sweet, inspiring and comforting. you know what, i was still a bit stuck, yesterday while sitting on the sofa i checked in and read your messages. i just disconnected from the computer then and savored your words of inspiration and comfort... thanks so much!! it helps a lot.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

not a drip drop

and you? how are you? what are you up to dear Reader? me? not a drip drop of a word, sentence, paragraph, dare i say story, will come to me to share with you here as i would love to. writers block? could be... i haven't been able to write a thing here to share with you.
dare i say it's a kind of frustration... it feels like it. i can imagine sitting down on a cosy couch over wine and talking with a good friend. i'd tell her that all this stuff is inside and it's ready to come out. stuff about living and i'm trying to figure out how to let it out. i'm writing to you now, as if we were together and i could share these words with you. it feels like a good thing, a frustrated good thing trying to find its way into the world, find it's way into being. for what i've done and what i've been no longer wants to be, a new thing is trying to emerge. i've mentioned how i want to care and nurture it and let it emerge. say a prayer for me. if prayer is not your thing, maybe think a good thought of me, send a cool vibe my way...
thanks for hearing my jumbled thoughts...
kiss u!

Monday, November 30, 2009


so darlings... how was it? how was your holiday time? how was your weekend? i hope it was delicious and sweet. here with music and working. mentioned to a friend that there are a number of things that i love that i want to be intentional about giving them the attention and care they need and deserve. if i do as i can i'll be sweeter for it, i promise you...
i miss you. i look forward to meeting with you again. i'll see you especially soon at your blog home... cause i'm comin' over...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

bon appétit

when i was a little girl i liked to sit on the counter in the kitchen while folks were around cooking and chatting. my mom used to say to me "i don't understand why you have to put your butt on my counter." another thing i liked doing was eating the food out of the pot as soon as my mom finished cooking. i didn't want to wait for it to be served. my mom would just look at me and laugh. for some reason food tastes better to me out of the pot, chinese food tastes better out of the carton, beer tastes better out of the bottle, and ice cream tasted better spooned right out of it's container... this thanksgiving, have a wonderful day no matter how you choose to spend it or how you choose to eat your goodies... bon appétit!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

a girl walks into a cafe

as is the norm in edinburgh, the night was cool, without a second thought she ducked into a cafe for a sip of something that would bring warmth. just so happened at this cafe royal the architecture, decor, soft jazz piped in created an atmosphere of warmth most needed.

she'd think about him later and what had just happened. just tired of obsessing over the matter, best to forget it for now. at least that's what feels better. and should the obsession persist, she could take up pining over him again, when exiting this luscious cafe. all on hold now, and breathing a bit deeper already.

"hi there, what can i get you?" the bartender asks, a pretty girl in a black cotton fitted just above the knee dress, her hair done up in a messy bun, red lipstick, pearl earrings... the only thing missing to complete this sixties fashion ensemble would be a nice pair of kitten heel pumps, which she hoped to goodness that she was not wearing. it would be hell on the feet for this kind of work. she had an eye for these kinds of things, fashion, classic style, perhaps because she loved it so, it always caught her eye and captured her heart.

"i'll have a scotch neat." does that even exist as a drink? she thought she'd heard it somewhere, perhaps in an old film, in a scene very much like this one, an old cafe, gorgeous decor, the lost and troubled girl walks up to a bar in edinburgh. thing is, she knew nothing about whisky or scotch, so what was she going to say? let's see what it looks like and tastes like when the pretty bartender returns. a strong drink should help her forget, at least for the moment...

image from kampoll Litkanjanakul

Friday, November 20, 2009

eye candy

joseph fiennes
jesse williams
last night i found myself with tea in hand in me pjs watching joseph fiennes in the television series fast forward, and then watching jesse williams in grey's anatomy. while there, it came over me, these are some gorgeous men... eye candy. the gift of beauty...
the weekend is just about here, sweet You! i'm going to do one of my favorite things, that is to go to the metropolitan museum tonight, friday night. the point is, no one goes to the museum on friday night, and i like it that way. it's as if myself and a few others have the whole museum to ourselves. it's quiet there, and i walk around luxuriating in the fine art pieces.
a friend is having a birthday celebration as well... what a wonderful way to have a festive evening filled with delicious food and intoxicating drink just after having my cultural fill at the museum.
I hope you will have a sweet weekend, i appreciate the way you've made this week, many weeks really, quite special with your presence...
bises mon amies!

as best we can...

for some reason i am thinking of a few moments... the first one comes to mind, it was the september of the world trade center bombings, i was sitting on the grass on the sheep's meadow in central park. a young man came up to me and began talking to me. he said that he and a group of young people had come to new york to pray with new yorkers in light of the tragic happenings of september eleventh. you know me... i thought how sweet. i asked him how it was going...

he was curious about my background. he asked if i went to church. i explained to him how i had always been attracted to church. really. i remember as a little girl, maybe i was three or four years old, asking my mother if i could go to church. on the city block where we lived there were two churches. one directly across the street from our house, and the other, down at the corner at the end of the block.

i remember my mom dressing me for church that morning in my pretty little dress, white socks turned down at the ankle and patent leather mary janes. she held me by the hand, walked me across the street (it was a small street) and told me before going into the church alone to have someone cross me back across the street and come on home afterwards. and i did. the first time, that i remember, going to church was alone when i was about four years old.

the trappist monk thomas merton, who was also an artist and poet, writes about how churches in new york are a kind of oasis, a cool quiet place to sneak into to escape the chaos of the busy city. i always remember this when ducking into a quiet sanctuary.

when i shared this story with the young guy who had come to new york to pray, he looked at me and said... so you are called. i'd never thought of my love for a contemplative life of prayer which includes the wisdom of eastern philosphy, and my love of writing that inspires, as a calling, but there you have it.

i just think of these little instances when i was seemingly too little to know... when i think and wonder what this guy could seemingly see that i had not. i get to wondering if i've had a kind of angel with me always, not only leading me into seemingly unfamiliar places and spaces, but looking after me in difficult moments as well.

i remember as a little girl too, i/we must have been about four years old. this was when parents could let their children go out to play seemingly without a care. we were a group of girls. i remember, there were about five of us. and i can see his apartment door now in my mind. he lived on the first floor of a six story building. the buildings on our block had big lobbys and we would play inside them, and too go outside to play on the sidewalks. lots of room for play! this man on the first floor used to invite the little girls inside his apartment and give them a quarter to touch them. i know, horrible.

i have no idea why, but i never went in. i would wait for the girls outside the apartment. i remember them coming out to show me their quarters. we would all wait there until we were all together again and then go on with our playing down the street. to this day i have no idea why i never went inside that man's apartment. i never was even tempted. i also don't know why we didn't tell our parents.

just thinking that sad things happen in life...and we do our best to keep on keeping on.
not sure why this story came to mind today. maybe it has a bit to do with feeling light blue, and remembering how even when we don't have that perfect slant of light, perfect upbringing, or when freaking planes fly into buildings, we still find a way to keep on as best we can...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

light blue

rainy today
i'm kinda looking forward to the rain
not really blue, kinda light blue
good music on
the day before me with the stuff that needs to be done
looking forward to doing the stuff that needs to be done
laundry? (tomorrow i think)
deep thoughts about the meaning of life
hope a nice story emerges
want to look in a pretty picture magazine
should write at least 2 sentences in french, get back to studying again...

who cares really, just mapping the day out for myself.

are you well?

sending love...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

work it out

hello dear You, just checking in... I wonder what you are up to today? I'm wondering what you've got on your plate. This past Sunday while out in the early morning warmness I stopped in a cafe for a nice steamy cup of tea and a nice read. the weather was very warm, warm enough to sit outside. I found a little table in a corner on the outdoor terrace and watched gleefully as folks were beginning their day the morning after saturday night. It was wonderful. Some folks sat with the Sunday morning paper, some sat with their babies in their lap, lost in baby sweetness, there were a few soft punkers. I say soft because their way of dressing in all black, including black hair and black sunglasses was quite stylish, not rock and roll hard. friends met for brunch. a bunch of girls stood in a circle in the middle of the side walk talking for a long time. about what, i don't know, but you can be sure I wanted to. there were some student journalists (they appeared to be) on assignment in front of a camera on another corner, practicing their presentations. perhaps one day i shall see them on television. some students sat with their books and lessons for studying. and some folks just popped in for a quick moment to grab a cup of coffee and were on their way walking off into the sunset.

busy with Sunday morning, slow and easy, or on the go in the midst of the warm sunshine for a sweet walk...

i'm just here putting 2 and 2 together in efforts to do what needs to be done, as i am sure you are too as well.

good luck with working it out, and i hope you have a wonderful day...

p.s. i have no idea where i found this picture. i just think it is such a gorgeous workspace... i can see myself there...

Monday, November 16, 2009


for some reason i thought if i were to become a mother i would be very much like the mother in gilmore girls. not sure why i think that, but there it is. maybe it has something to do with trying to figure out where to draw the line between mom and friend, because i'd want both. i'd love to be both a loving mother and friend to my daughter.

i used to love love love watching gilmore girls on television. i suppose it has something to do with a loving and fun mother who is a friend. another big part of it is that they live in a small town where everyone knows one another, it's pretty there with pretty homes and a town diner where you can pop in and have your favorite pancakes and a nice cup of hot tea with milk. and too when you walk in they're glad to see you and they say so.

i'd sit and watch gilmore girls and think, yup, that's a place i would like to live.

but i guess it really depends on your story right? i know folks who grew up in small towns and they let me know bluntly that it's not all pretty and cosy as it seems. no? i ask, bewildered...

that's the thing though i am discovering these days. i can imagine all sorts of lovely and cutsy things about places and beings, and then when you step out into the real world, you run smack dab into folks who lend out ugliness and pain in a heartbeat... it's part of our reality.

i mentioned in a comment once that when given the opportunity to look at evil, i'd rather go in the other direction, and i still would rather do so.

still there comes a time when we must be grownups and open our eyes to the hurts and injustices, small and not so small, that there is.

that's all i want to say really. i can go on and on in a story or on a subject and come to a point, i'd like to think. but here right now, that's all i want to say really.

i've had my share of heartbreak, and that does not only mean matters of the heart. there's been stuff with family and enviornment, situations that break the heart and stunt one's growth. when people know my full story they say... how did you make it out? i tell them i fell through the cracks. there have been the right people in the right places at the right time who stretched forth a hand and helped me out. and that still happens. you, dear reader do that for me as well.

i think that is why i go on and on here about writing and wanting to lend a hand. i know how important it is, how it can touch a person's life in the most beautiful ways. and i love returning a favor.

i think in a way this space, lair du temps, is so dreamy cause it's a place for me to indulge the butterflies of my imaginings, and too, to lend some sweetness to our complicated existence...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

say you're one of them

i had the privilege of meeting the author of the book say you're one of them. it was a sweet and simple encounter. as an alumni i received an invitation to a talk and signing by the author at my university. i had no interest in reading the book simply because i imagined the stories to be heartbreaking even if they are brilliantly written. and i wanted to spare meself the pain as i can be sensitive. but a talk and discussion with the author i can handle, so i went. it was quite sweet.

uwem akpan is a catholic priest of the Jesuit order, born and living in Nigeria. he spoke of imagined stories that he has written from the perspective of african children. apparently the stories are beautiful and heartbreaking, all at the same time. i may let myself read them.

the writer is quite warm and engaging as a bunch of us spent some time talking together. i appreciated what he shared as well as his presence. i also appreciated his discussion of balancing his call to the priesthood as well as his call to writing. he says he can imagine and invent characters on a page, but the characters in real life want and need care and attention too, and this cannot wait. so he endeavors to care and love as best he can in both worlds.

i mentioned that there is some stuff in the air and indeed there continues to be. dear reader, you cannot imagine how many opportunities i have run from and therefore missed in my life. to give you an idea, when i was in my twenties i was hired to model a bridal gown for the the cover of bride magazine. in my fear i did not call back right away to accept the assignment and this gig was given to someone else. because of my fear and issues with self esteem i have shied away from many opportunities. i know now that much of this could not be helped. there was much that needed to be healed... and better and stronger now, i truly feel like i am on my way. sometime i slip and want to run and hide, and sometimes i do, but i don't let myself do so for long before i must come back.

there at the discussion with uwem akpan, i listened closely and shared my thoughts and ideas as best i could. at the end of the discussion the author walked right up to me, introduced himself and we shared some words. i did not run and i did not hide. forgive me if i am proud of myself.

via email i have been sufficiently told off by a friend who tells me that he cannot get in touch with me and how unfair it all is. true. but i've meant no harm, these last days have been full in the most blessed way. i have been meeting an abundance of folks that are so in line with my heart's dream of being a writer that inspires. what started me on my journey for inspirational writing are the teachings of thomas merton. a catholic monk who's heart was not closed to the wisdom and teachings of eastern thought. in fact, he was friends with the dalai lama. though i am not catholic, nor of eastern persuasion (is that a term?), my heart and mind (in the east they are one) is always open to wisdom... well the other day i received another invitation to attend a talk which was given by a priest who is the priest of the catholic church of the monk that helped to set me on my writing journey. in this talk i learned a mountain of stuff about the writer who inspires me; his beatnik wanderings around manhattan as an academic, poet, writer, and artist. his time lived abroad in france and england, as well as his commitment to the trappist monastery. i was reminded of my love of sharing stories and ideas that touch the heart and lend comfort. i spoke with the teacher afterwards and he handed me his card with email so that we can make a date to sit down and talk about my call to writing.

yesterday my heart broke in the best way. i tell you the truth, the other writer who i admired, marianne williamson, was teaching at a beautiful chapel on 5th avenue. the very 5th avenue that houses tiffany's and armani... my kind of place! i was looking up a few things on the internet and ran into the information that she would be teaching a 1 day workshop here in the city. sweet! and yes, they tell me there is still space available to attend. so i go. i've read her books over the years, and though they are dreamy in a let's talk about miracles kind of way, i dig that kind of stuff. and i get to meet her. told you some stuff was in the air... the workshop was for 5 hours in a beautiful chapel on 5th avenue. she shared some good and helpful stuff in general, but in particular, when i paused during a break and talked myself into introducing myself, she was quite unkind and dismissive to me. i was heartbroken. maybe she's had enough of folk who admire her work and want to meet her. with that said i'm coming back around.

i was able to dip into my ownself and come up with some words of inspiration and encouragement in order to continue this journey. i am able to re-member something important, and i hope to remind you blog buddies, that if we do the stuff we love, we are on the right track. and if we do it and live it, things will begin to connect and unfold in ways that we have dreamed of or even better. and it won't look like anybody else's life or stuff, it will be tailor made especially for ourselves...

so, although she was unkind i was forced to remember that she is not the boss of me. and i remembered the stuff i love; writing, telling stories, yoga, learning languages, traveling and sweet kisses... if we do the stuff we love, it comes together in a way that sweetens our dreams and our lives... tell me, what do you love?

i learned too that sometimes stuff takes time, we may not get all our goodies when we ask for them or when we want them, sometimes it takes time, time for us to grow into them, or even time to realise that it's simply not what we need... time let's us know...

i shared a quote some time ago... and i still mean it... one who waits for something good, never waits too long. ~swedish proverb

when i last shared this quote i remember N. sharing about waiting, her waiting those nine months for her sweet baby to be born.

should i use a metaphor, that which we love takes time, and when we meet it, whether it is husband or wife, career or another dream... we hope and know with all our heart that timing says... now, you are ready...

the poet and writer rilke shares that we are to live the questions. and perhaps someday we will live ourselves into the very answers. when we are ready... that which we love... will fit like a kid glove; soft and lovely.

this post has been long. are you still with me? forgive me for going on, but i hope with sweet steamy cafe or tea in hand, it has been a meaningful read and worth your time. i'll be connecting with my friend who is mad at me for being away for too long. nice to have friends who miss us. and i shall be connecting again with you...

Friday, November 13, 2009

quelle heure est il?

been catching up on some stuff that needs to get done. and too i have been walking around thinking about how i need to be telling me little stories. how to get back into it? i thought this morning lets start slow and little... poco a poco...

there has always been a little encounter that i think of from time to time that still tickles me. was it in the eighties? there were advertisements for the movado watch, the museum watch. it's a sleek, stylish, sweet little thing. the thing that always caught my eye, as well, is it does not have any numbers on it... it's a part of what makes it so... cool.

well one day i was walking in manhattan and i asked a gentleman passing by for the time. this was when folks wore watches, now we just glance at our cell/mobile telephones. so i asked him for the time, and in midstep he glanced at his watch. i noticed right away it was a movado. i've always thought they were beautiful (and expensive) watches. so he tells me the time, it's 4pm. then he looks at me and i can see he is not sure, and then he says or is it 5pm? i look at him in wonder, and then he smiles and says shyly and sweetly it's a movado.

thing is i understood completely, the watch is lovely, but it's got no numbers on it, it's simply hard to tell. i also thought, all that money for a watch and you can't tell the time...

i must admit, if one were gifted to me, i would not give it back, it's so pretty, who cares what time it is...


aha, the weekend has snuck up on us again. do have a sweet weekend. what are you up to? and i see too i have some new visitors who have popped by because Angie may have mentioned that over here, i'm a dreamer... daydreaming is a sport for me and i try to string some words together to tell you about it. thanks so much for stopping by, and i shall drop in on you and see what you're all up to.

have a wonderful weekend and stay cosy... bises!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


ok. i'm on my way back. the guests have gone and i hope they had as nice a time as i did. can you imagine seeing nyc for the very first time? i love showing folks around too because it allows me to see the city through virgin eyes... and new perspectives...

walking across the brooklyn bridge
views at sunset atop the empire state building
ice skating at rockefeller center
strolls through central park on into the metropolitan museum of art...
dining and wine...

i'm sweetly tired. you know that feeling when you're exhausted after an exquisite time? i'm slowly recovering, the soothing comforts of tea, lisa ekdahl on the music box, sting concert tickets arrived yesterday, and missing you and wanting so much to get back to writing. when i am writing i feel at home.

dear blog friends, may i please say to you that something is in the air. after some years of deep introspection, quiet and aloneness, my spirit speaks to me and tells me, that was a season and that season is ending. dare i embrace my gifts, all of them, and step out on life? in the past fear has kept me stuck, but now, though still fearful at times, i know as the writer Audre Lorde says, fear will not keep me safe. i am urged now to step out on life... work, home, joy, love, living!!

i feel like the little cracks in my heart are mending nicely, and we are ready to try again. i smile, i look and see, i listen and hear, i pray, breathe, and go slowly...

sending kisses to you...
can you believe there is already christmas stuff happening? i don't mind, i love it, the music, all the pretty sparkly colours and decor, cosy thoughts of festive gatherings and cheer... we've still got some time before the actual day, don't let yourself get overwhelmed with what you're 'supposed' to do, instead be taken over by all the stuff you love, and let the rest go...

Thursday, November 5, 2009

until soon

i've got to finish the laundry, and showering will be beneficial before guests arrive for a long weekend... all the practical things that make life go...

i'll be away from here for a few days and i know now already that i will miss it. when i am writing i need to be alone, guess that's just how i roll... but if the house will be full, with merriment i hope, it will be difficult to steal away and write a bit.

i'm strategizing, thinking still if i don't have privacy to write these next coming days, that maybe i can steal a few moments in the morning, before the house is stirring and write some lines in my journal...

we'll see how it goes...

i wonder why i felt like posting the above picture, i think some how it captures how i'm feeling, quite pretty these days (unusual for me) and quiet and thought~full, and pensive. i think my excitment doesn't show, but in my quietness i am thinking of lots of pretty things that need my care and attention, and trying to give myself the permission to enjoy deeply, that is to let go... and let inside a kind of loveliness knocking on the door...

speaking of lovely, ...i'm thinking of you and i hope you will have a wonderful weekend!


Tuesday, November 3, 2009

the art of defense

the subconscious is a funny thing. the truth is, i walked into a karate studio and asked about beginning karate lessons. i was pretty strong in my conviction for needing to learn and know how to defend myself at that moment. this was some months ago. what surprises me now that the time has passed, is that i can see something more clearly now. that is, i was hanging around with someone that i found hurt me a lot by many of the things she said and did. i'd tell myself not to be so sensitive...

she moved away and the moment she left town i felt more at peace. that strong desire to take karate lessons dissapated, though i did not make the connection between wanting and needing to learn to defend myself and the time i spent with her.

she's an incredibly interesting and intelligent lady, i was always enthralled by what she had to say or the activities we'd plan for playing around the city. but she had a way of saying hurtful things, and i'd try and brush it off. still i found it strange when i walked into that karate studio that day.

it seems our hearts tell us what we wish to not believe with our minds...

Monday, November 2, 2009

who is Gordon Sumner?

i wrote a few lines in my journal this morning... they were these lines...

i'm no good this morning. i'm waiting for Sting tickets to go on sale at noon. i won't be any good to anyone until i have a chance to get tickets, and i hope i do...


this morning i could almost do nothing. i knew i would be no good, my mind would not be able to concentrate until i knew one way or the other if i could get tickets to see Sting. now a days with the price of concert tickets, i'm happy that i don't have a deep desire to see many musicians. there are only 2 persons i would pay to see at the prices that are asked of fans these days, that is Sade and the other is Sting.

i can still remember my introduction to Sting. it was quite vivid and quite sweet. there was a boy i liked. to this day i can't get over how cute he was. i guess i was about 19 or 20 years old, and we were in his apartment listening to music. he asked me if i liked Sting. I had no idea who or what that was, and i told him so. i didn't even know who The Police were. well, he put on the music of Sting and began to sing it to me. they were some of the most delicious and melodic sounds. while the music played on, this young man kissed me. i was a girl in heaven.

you know how we girls were, and still can be. i was telling all dreamily my best friend about this boy, how much i liked him, and how cute he was. it just so happened that while i was with her we kind of ran into him. she and i were on an up escalator and he was on the down escalator when he called out my name. i was in shock and said to my friend 'that's him, that's him!' she took one look at him and stumbled he was so cute. we too girls walked off dreamily after that encounter... there was something about him that was incredibly charming...

anywho, i have been a fan of the music of Sting for the richness of his lyrics, jazzlike tunes, and sincere performance for years now.

i did get tickets!!

getting tickets to a concert in nyc is a real workout. just to give you an idea, i have been sweating this deal for about a week now. tickets went on sale today at noon. i had my lap top primed and telephone on speed dial as i'd already entered the telephone number to dial up for tickets.

as soon as!! the clock struck noon i hit redial and began finding tickets on the website at the same time. upon getting through on the telephone and pressing enter on the computer, the show was sold out. really that is how it works, shows sell out in minutes. i begged the lady on the telephone to look again to see if there was anything. looking, she's telling me 'no, there is such a high demand for these shows, they sell out immediately.' then a hesitation, 'oh wait, i have these two tickets...' and whatever she said after that no longer registered for me... i said please book those... and she did and they are on the way.

why should you care about all of this? there is absolutely no reason why... only that you are kind enough to indulge me as i am a happy girl at the moment as i get to see Sting in december... in the height of all the christmas beauty and festiveness...

i just wanted to share this moment with you, maybe much like the moment i shared with my friend when i was mesmerized by that sweet boy's kiss...

dear you, have a sweet kissable day! i mean that!

p.s. Gordon Sumner is Sting's given name...

dear You

photo from 'woodleywonderworks

I was writing in response to your comments on my previous post titled girl daydreaming. my words kept flowing and i thought this is incredibly long yet i mean every word so i am posting it here...

Dear Angie, Susu, and La Belette Rouge, Red Lipstick Style, Nuria, and Hans... you may remember from some of my writings that I mentioned that I like to save (and savor) the too good things, things that seem too good to be true, like music i adore, sun dried tomatoes, the cutest boys... i like to run and hide.

well you have done it, you pop in on my blog and you read my stories and you share more than words of encouragement, you share care, loveliness, and attention! and i am feeling incredibly full and lifted up. so now that i have this wonderful feeling i'm ready to run and hide (from all the goodies), and i'm talking to myself, 'stay.' and i will, i will not self destruct, i will stay and write my way through (and further into!) this joy.

thank you for the care and attention you share. i have been sure to write in my journal these days, but i am working through returning here and writing. and i will, because it's too good not to. I really have been enjoying myself when i sit down to write here and share little stories with you. and you write back and tell me that they are good. and i believe you and i am getting more and more confidence.

so there are two things, okay three things i must know and do, that is to write when if feels blissfully wonderful like now, and the 2nd is to write, still when i am down and blue, and the 3rd is simply to write, no matter...

thank you with so much of my heart!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

girl daydreaming

been good and thinking... what i mean to say is that things are brewing in my mind. they are a lovely mess. it's been raining for two days and the gold leaves are pressed against the sidewalks, and the rose bush captures sprinkles of rain to hold onto for it's last days... somehow still bright in it's blossoms and lushness. how's it possible that roses are still at their height of beauty in October? any one knows?
maybe you've figured it out by now, i'm truly a dreamer, i love daydreaming about stories, what has happened as well as what could be... my imaginative powers seem turned way up these days.
i think of you, i really do, many of the comments and insights you share, the beautiful stories you share about your families that warm my heart and help me along, as well as your thoughts and indulgence in pretty places and pretty things...
i'm dreamy about my future and last night i dreamed about a beautiful part of my past. it just came to me while i was sleeping. when i woke up, of course my heart was warmed, and i thought what a sweet reunion to see her again after all these years in my dreams... i'll tell you about it if you don't mind...
last night while sleeping i dreamed of Trisha. when i was a little girl, oh about 6 years old i had a friend named Patricia, and we all called her Trisha for short. she was actually my mother's friend, though she was younger than my mother by about 5 years. let's say i was 6, and my mother was 30, then Trisha must have been about 25. for some reason i took to her. i was with her when i wasn't in school or playing with my friends. she was more of a big sister to me. we would sit outside on the porch and just talk, we would spend hours just talking. i can't remember what about. i have always been told that i was a curious little girl so i imagine she spent a lot of time discussing the million things that i was interested in.
she lived on the same block as us, so i would find my way to her house, pull up a chair in her kitchen and we would chat. she had 2 boys so we would all often go to the park together, or go shopping, any number of things that she had to do as a grown-up; laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning, sitting on the porch in the sun. i loved being with Trisha. I think then, maybe she shared a friendship and kindness that I felt was missing in my own home. come to think of it, we used to laugh a lot! maybe she thought i was smart, and engaged me. and now too that i am remembering, she was a single mother, so maybe i was company for her as well. she had two boys, maybe too i was the little girl she never had. she was sweet to me and we hung out until my family moved away when i was eleven years old.
when i woke up this morning i thought, what a sweet rememberance. i thought about how much i loved her, and i still love her, she was kind to me and we had a lot of fun. i do hope she is well today...
yup, i'm all dreamy these days and it feels good...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

on space and beauty

yesterday the guggenheim museum in nyc celebrated it's 50th anniversary, and as a treat the museum was open to any and all who wish to visit and indulge free of charge. i had plans to meet p. for lunch which was, as always, rich with good conversation and opinions and ideas. we started with a nice good cup of steamy tea, (coffee for p.) in a newly discovered ice cream shop that has floor to ceiling windows that look out onto lexington ave. we sat there as the sun streamed in catching up... lunch followed and then a walk in central park. the leaves in all their plenty of colours of reds and oranges abundantly cover the walkways; an autumn wonderland.

it really was sweet after such a lovely lunch to wander through the little paths of the park as i found my way to the guggenheim museum. there they have a wonderful exhibit of the painting of wassily kandinsky.

when i enter the guggenheim, each time i am mesmerized! i once heard an architect say in an interview that a building should touch the heart of the person entering it... this one does. it moves me each time i step in. and this time every floor is lined with the art of kandinsky. it was crowded as we all wanted to take advantage of this anniversary celebration and indulge ourselves in the creations of kandinsky. it was truly mesmerizing, circling this space and feasting our eyes upon the colours and shapes and ideas and emotions shared by the painter, all culminating in a particular piece of art.

it sparked a conversation again today with a friend about the influence and emotion that a space inspires and how that contributes to what we do and feel in that space. out of that conversation came to me the understanding that although i don't have an art studio or writing room, it is necessary and important for me to be present to the space and spaces that i do inhabit and use them to my advantage since creating stories and ideas are somethings that i enjoy immensely. i think this is important, where we find ourselves, where we are, to enjoy that space and indulge in that space in ways to enrich our lives and usher in loveliness and well being.

when i ponder the creations of kandinsky as well as the creation of the guggenheim museum i can't help but think that both the painter and the architect of these beauties had a love for persons who would feast their eyes upon a painting or step into this building and be touched in a most beautiful way. this, i feel, is quite generous, thoughtful and loving.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

good(?) morning

noooooo, this is not how i feel at all! i'm feeling quite good and the weather today is incredibly beautiful. i sat outside by the river reading and enjoying the blue skys and the october breeze. there was a lady sitting near me with the cutest little dog all cosy on her lap, drifting in and out of sleep. sweet.

but i posted this picture in connection to your comments on the previous post. it seems you do know garfield! how incredibly cute. i definitely know of him but i have never read the comics. and as you know of him i thought i'd post this picture just cause it's sooooo cute and funny. ahem... i think it's safe to say we have had these kind of mornings...

thanks so much for your previous comments. it's sweet that an artist can capture such emotion in a picture like this. S. the idea of me indulging what i did as a little girl indeed is intriguing... i shall think and see what tickles my fancy. if i'm not careful it may entail me wearing my favorite outfit for a few days in a row. when i was about 6 years old i had the cutest red dress that i loved that i just wanted to wear to school everyday. i mean i loved that dress. and my mom had to help me understand that i could not wear it everyday... though i wanted to, and i tried. ...A. thanks a bunch for your message helping me to see that perhaps i redeemed myself in the eyes of the cool little 13 year old. indeed he was sweet and helpful...

hope the week is coming along nicely for all of you and that you don't feel like the picture above...

Monday, October 19, 2009


as a person without children onnnnccce in a while i get glimpses of the magic of children. i imagine that anyone who is a parent is privy to the wonderment of children on an every moment basis. and as i live in nyc, understandably, parents teach their children not to talk to strangers. indeed this is a city full of not only almost 11 million strangers, in addition, quite a number of strange folk, though not everyone of course, at the risk of exagerating.
that said, when i do have a chance to interact or spend time around children, i am always amazed at how cool and funny they can be. always, it's the very last minute and i'm out trying to find two small somethings as birthday gifts for two brothers that were born just shy of a year apart. i had the privilege of joining their family for a celebratory dinner. as i know almost nothing about the kid world, i figured i like books and books are good. and i thought i'd add a little laughter to this notion and settled upon the idea of buying the two boys comic books.
i reached the comic book section and there are lots and lots of them and i know nothing of this genre really. i'm standing there in all my adulthood ready to panic, trying to talk myself down, 'i can do this?'
this little guy walks into the aisle where i'm standing. i'm hesitant to talk to him as i know kids are not supposed to talk to strangers. i hope it's alright, i ask... 'excuse me. i need to buy some comic books for two brothers, would you have any suggestions?' my little friend looks at me in all earnestnest and asks, 'well, how old are they?' good question, i guess it does matter in the comic book world, and it's funny because i can tell by his facial expression, surety, and tone of his voice that perhaps i've stumbled upon a pro. 'ten and eleven,' i say. he takes a moment and then says, 'well, when i was young...' wrong i know but it just slipped out, i laughed and said 'when you were young?' in a tone that says 'dude you are young.' and he comes back quickly, 'i'm thirteen.' hmmm, i hear what you're saying, i think and compose myself. i say something i can't remember but it seems to remedy this awkward moment.
back at the farm (remember that expression?), back to comic books, so when he was young he read garfield. i ask, 'so you think they'll like garfield?' he reminds me, 'i did when i was ten and eleven.' good enough. and he helps me to choose which two amongst the plenitude of garfields. i'm grateful and i thank him. but i could not help but be tickled by his earnestness. he may have been thirteen, but he looked all of eleven and soooo cute. but i must remember even though he's cute, no way does he want to be treated like a kid at thirteen. i think i managed to save the moment.
back at the house during the birthday celebration i am really surprised at how crazy the boys go over their new garfield comics. i mean they really flip out. turns out they have been wanting their own garfield comics like the kids at their school, but their parents would not allow it. they find garfield too sarcastic and cynical. oops!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

persia calling

do you know people with money? i 'know' a few. there was a documentary made some years ago by one of the heirs of the johnson and johnson family about people with money. as of yet i have yet to see it. need to get on it. the part that interests me is that i believe there is this culture within people with money, that is that you don't talk about your money. so i've run into some people, and some of them became my friend, with money. and it always surprises me that some people really do have all that money.

i had a boyfriend one time, and as it has been some time now, i'm not sure how it came out that he comes from a family with a lot of money. he never said anything about it, and he certainly did not live a kind of lifestyle that would tell on him. he lived a very bohemian 'literary' kind of life. i liked him, loved him, and admired him. he taught english in public schools in louisiana. as he was from minnesota, i once asked him how did he get to louisiana. he said after graduating university he looked on the map of the states and chose the place furthest away from minnesota.

back to money. money for the most part does not interest me, but as you can guess i am always attracted to a good story which is the point of this writing. but somehow little by little i would see hints of the idea that he comes from money. so with time and confidence in mutual friends i asked a long time friend of his late one night while we were all hanging out in a bar having drinks and listening to live music. liquid courage i guess... 'does k. come from money?' she responds 'oh yes.' i ask 'what kind of money?' she said to me 'you know greenwich conneticut money?' 'yes,' i say. she says to me 'they have more.' my heart sunk, 'really?'

with time as we talked about it, he and i, he shared with me that basically he wants to 'make it on his own.' not depend on the money of his family, even though his family are some of the sweetest people i have ever met. i can respect that.

i started thinking about this for 2 reasons. one is i have a good friend who has a friend that comes from serious serious money. i was surprised to find this out, as he leads too a serious bohemian existence. simple flat full of his art and computer projects, and wears pretty much the same clothes all the time. i thought of him... and this is the point of this story... because for some reason today i was thinking that i would love to spend a few days in a place deep and rich in an unknown to me culture. i was thinking like marrakesh, or turkey, a place in india, or casablanca (only because of the film:). i would love to feast my eyes upon delicious deep and rich colours. have you seen the reds and the blues from those countries? truly touching in their richness. i would love to feast too upon the rich flavors of their cuisine. i'm not a big meat eater, but for this time a lamb cooked to tenderness in a kind of cream sauce with almonds attracts me. the spices, the incense and scents in general of the atmosphere intrigue me. and dare we even talk about the teas and coffees that come from these places. i've never been... but for some reason, today, it seems like it would be a wonderful travel to experience and see and learn...

and the friend of a friend that i mentioned comes from one of these places. and when i think of him i have to smile and think... i can't believe he has all that money. people with that kind of money keep it quiet. just an interesting thing i find.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

you wake up one morning and you never know what the day will bring. isn't that the beauty of it all? i found myself having a meal with an actress from germany. who? i've absolutely no idea. that's the beauty of it... let me explain. it's quite simple really. there's this restaurant i like to go to, it's quite cosy, small, just a few tables and one long community table where we all gather and have delicious middle eastern food. it's always fun to see what others are having, their choices. there i am munching away, sipping a bit of red wine (time in spain will do that to you) and reading 'i'll never be french.' i see from this pretty lady's map of the city and tourist guide that she is visiting the city. we get to talking about, what else? travels. a really nice and exciting conversation about the cultures of various countries, her first time visit to nyc, and too about various european cities. turns out she's here for a few days filming as she is an actress that now lives in germany. how interesting. i thought you never know who you might meet when you venture outside your door.

i'd had plans this eveningwith a friend to see the film 'an education.' it's quite good. see it if you can. at the end of my conversation with the german actress acquaintance i went off to catch this film, while she had plans to wander down 5th avenue. it would be her first time... quite special.

have you ever run into someone a bit interesting? i ran into the lead singer of r.e.m. one quiet sunday morning. i was out early, before the city awakens. i love this time. one can feel as if she has the city to herself. the streets are just about empty. i passed the lead singer of r.e.m. (can't remember his name). it was just him and me, 2 ships passing in the early morning hours. he looked at me and gave me a look and a smile that felt like a tip of the hat. i felt like he was saying although he is famous and i see him, ... he sees me too & hello. how can one get all this from a look... you know it's possible, it's a feeling.

hope you're feeling good...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

just do it

"my counsel for you is simple and straightforward: just go ahead with what you've been given... now do what you have been taught. school's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! and let your living spill over into thanksgiving. "

i can think a thing through until forever and in the end not do it. who knows why, too much information, fear, doubt...

thing is... just do it. all that we don't know and need to know will come while we are on the path. oooo there are a million things i would love to do...

walk by the sea again in barcelona

have crepes and cafe in le marais in paris

linger over a long meal with friends in spain

see the beauty of tuscany

write a book

write a book of poems

and there's more... thankfully. life is so full of possibilities and the fun thing is to dream and to step out on those dreams...

hope you have a dreamy day...

Friday, October 9, 2009

cool peace vibes!

funny how when it comes time to 'fixing things' people say about Obama, he hasn't done anything. he's been in office for dut dut dut time and he has done nothing. and now that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize folks are saying, he just got in office... he hasn't had time to do anything. why the prize?

a nice tip of the hat by the Swedes... as if to say... make some peace, we believe you can.

i'm elated, what a nice surprise.

when is now

'she was creating a goal and a direction in life...'

one family built a one room shack out of driftwood, and in front of their abode they built an enormous front porch that usually graces large homes. the porch was many times the height and width of the small shack, and people made fun and ridiculed the way this family lived. one person finally asked 'can you give me one good reason for this tiny shack to have such an outrageously large beautiful porch. and the owner replied 'a woman can dream...'
this little tale was adapted from a story i read this morning. i used to think... when...
when i have my new home
when i'm married
when i have the career i want
when... when... when...
but instead of waiting for the perfect moment or situation or feeling or slant of light as they say, i've recently been about doing the things that i want and need to do instead of waiting for 'someday.' and that has made all the difference... we continue to move in the direction of our dreams... and i find our dreams move toward us, they move in our direction to meet us where we are living...

Thursday, October 8, 2009

butterflies are free

had a bit of a gliche yesterday with the computer and i couldn't visit as i had hoped. i'm pleased to be back. nothing, nada, rien... i'm tempted to say after work i did nothing yesterday, but truth is i did simply as i wanted to do. did some reading. had a delicious dinner. and surprisingly stumbled upon this film with goldie hawn and edward albert called butterflies are free. those of you who have seen it already know how incredibly delicious and sweet this film is. and for those of us who don't/didn't know it is a wonderful film. ...oh i just love the flavor and colour of the seventies...

hope you are having a splendidly delightful day!
i'm not sure if that sentence is grammatically correct. my friend from rome coined this new term and we use it now. he asked if it is grammatically correct... i said who cares, it's wonderful. say it even if you don't mean it... it's contagious.


Wednesday, October 7, 2009

good to know

today has been an incredibly interesting day. a shift has occurred within me, quiet like, subtle, but i have felt it. and too, now that i see and i look back a bit i can see that it has been processing all along. i know now what i have been confused about (not entirely, but a bunch). i see now what was invisible before. i believe now what my heart has been hinting at. maybe you understand that things work this way... it's a process. a comingling of wondering and fretting and experiencing and asking questions and then one day like poof you know and it's a relief. confusing enough for you, or do you get me?

now the challenge is to move with this information, this knowing. to use it to my advantage and use it for beauty and contentment in my life. sorry to be so vague. it's just that much of it has been vague to me but the truth is coming out. you see when you try to take a different, more meaningful road and you find very few on that road, you begin to doubt yourself. but i am beginning to understand that just because most of the people do it does not make it the right or better way. and really that is what i am becoming to know. sure we know this in theory, but to know it really in our hearts is a sweet thing. broad is the way, but narrow is the gate... in this big city where money and material is king, it feels good to learn and to know that may be true, but love is the only thing that matters at the end of the day and at the end of all our days. love and care for one another...

why the picture of barbara streisand? i saw for the first time the other day the film funny girl. and i like the lyrics 'people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.' and as you are in love with your sweeties, your babies, your family and friends this is what matters, and the rest is gravy as they say...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


i never was a grumpy or moody teenager, and i hear that teenagers can be. i don't know why i wasn't. today i wasn't necessarily grumpy, just not as sweet as i would like to be. i get from time to time put off by all the posing that goes on in nyc. people come here to make their dreams come true and that's a beautiful thing! but with that i so often am put off by the vanity of it all. all the cool folks in their cool shades and expensive clothes and airs about them that will remind you in case you haven't noticed how fabulous they are. i most often tend to cut 'em some slack remembering that we all are somebody's baby and special and fabulous in our own way, but today i had no patience and i did not try to pretend...

i stopped in a cafe for lunch and was really surprised by two young girls so scantily dressed had i not been so put off i would have been embarrased to look. maybe if i were in the mood and i felt like playing with my guy (in privacy) these outfits may have been sensual and cute. but since none of us were in our private budoir i was annoyed by how far people will go to get attention. these girls in this tiny little cafe were dressed in shorts that could have very easily been panties without exaggeration. suede pink boots which came up past their knees with a tiger skin print lining (i know because one girl took her boots off. i don't blame her those spike heels look like they hurt), and mid-drift blouses that showed off their tender belly buttons. gorgeous girls, but come on, another time and another place.

i would have cut them some slack with my annoyance had they at least been sweet, although misguided by their revealing outfits in the middle of the day on a monday, but they had a meanness about them. it was quite evident by their behavior and attitude.

that said, it's a free country and we can do what we want to do. i just wished that i'd had known these babes would be sucking up the air before i had ordered my lunch and realised what was going down.

when they did leave there was not only a feeling of relief inside what is normally this tiny cosy little spot, but folks felt compelled to release their frustration and talk about it. people wondered how old they might be? what kind of lives are they leading? what's up with them dressed like that in the middle of the afternoon. i mean ladies of the evening are called so for a reason, this was mid-monday if that be the case. and some said they had a meanness about them like they could bite your face off. i did not even have the stomach to look at them.

and i guess the funny part was one lady talking to her husband and those about how she did not find them attractive, that they were too revealing, and nothing was left to the imagination. her husband went on imagining what they might be up to, but by his words he was clearly attracted. attractive to some... offensive to others.

a french guy said to me once that the thing he likes about nyc is that you never really know what you will run into when you walk out your door. one is almost always up for a surprise...
image from victoria secret (i'm just saying... time and place)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

carnegie hall last night was beautiful and subtle in its own way. what i mean to say is my experience of the music was beautiful. i listened for what i like, and i loved every note. sometimes there are pieces i don't like, but this time i enjoyed every moment. while taking in the splendour of such a lovely space, i could not help but notice the little boy in front of me that had his stash of candy on the arm of his chair. he looked to be about 7 years old, so cute in his little suit, he stood on his feet for the entire 2 hours, dipping into his candy stash from time to time,while truly interested in bethoven, chopin, and debussy. precious. and i liked the couple next to me who would whisper to one another. discussing the music, the performance? i suspect they are musicians themselves as they seem to mirror, mimic, the very movement of the pianist's hands across the grand piano in one of the pieces.

i'm told it's best, if you can, to sit on the side of the stage where you can see the hands, and the movement of the pianist. this pianist was a child protege from moscow, who at the age of 35 has already been working 30 years. to be born with such a gift, and all that it must take for it to flourish and thrive. his performance was beautiful. and there's something about when a man approaches the piano, and swings back the tails of his tuxedo before sitting down to play, something about that little swift movement that i love. maybe it has to do with it being a ritual of some kind for an elite few.

it was a beautiful evening and i was quite pleased with what i wore. i dressed in a purple silk ankle length skirt with all lace at the bottom of the skirt, along with a black lace fitted jacket. i tried to loosen up the ensemble by wearing my hair in a pony tail slightly off center and a bit messy, a nod to the bohemian in me.

feel good, dear You, and have a sweet weekend. make it nice. i picked up a bunch of flowers at the farmer's market today. found my way to a cafe this evening to practice my writing while sipping hot chocolate with whip cream. nice music streaming over head. i was aware of the young lady next to me lost in the story she was reading while sipping her coffee. nice, i thought. us girls being... and enjoying ourselves.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

dressing up pretty

when i was a girl for no reason at all my mom would dress us up all fancy for the day from time to time. she said so that when a fancy occasion came along being dressed up wouldn't feel so strange...

how does one get to carnegie hall? (hee hee) practice, practice, practice.
there's a feeling i get when i go to carnegie hall. i try to set out early, give myself some time to get lost as well as wander around the central park area. as the hall is on the west side of manhattan, i like to set out on the east side where all the super chic and elegant and expensive shops and restaurants are... gourmet food shops, wine stores elegantly assembled, fashion wonders like ralph lauren's boutique which is always so deeply and richly decorated it always looks like christmas in there for me. i wander around the upper east side looking and tasting and feeling for a while before walking over to carnegie hall.
i've a friend from rome who lives in nyc. he's a classical pianist and invites me to these fancy soirees. tonight i understand is the opening of 'je ne sais quoi,' but apparently it's a big deal. i used to say to him that i know nothing about classical music. he tells me i know more than i think i know. he says to simply listen for what i like.
i do wonder what i will wear. i think i might feel a bit strange because i haven't gotten all fancily dressed up in a while. but that's ok. i'll just be and enjoy. if i can i'll try to tell you what i see and hear when i get back... that's the job of a writer right? to bring to life in words so that the reader can see and hear, kind of be there for herself.
i'll do my best.