breaking bread

it once was said to me to be careful and intentional about who i 'break bread' with. the idea is that when we spend time with someone or someones we begin to become a part of one another. we not only share our thoughts and opinions, we share ourselves. taking on one another in mind and spirit.

these past few days i have been galavanting around the city with m. and b. from germany. though i've passed some time with them before, they for the most part are friends of a friend. i haven't really had the opportunity to spend time with them alone. when passing time exclusively it takes on a whole other level of intimacy. while meandering through the streets of manhattan we shared stories of growing up, our present day interests and concerns, some of our dreams, stories about people we love...

and i am beginning to see how over time, whether consciously or unconsciously, if we spend enough time together, we become a part of one another's lives. friends. so the thing is, if we can see clear enough, i guess that when spending time with someone, we should have a sense that it really is someone that we want to share ourselves with, and we want to be receiving of who they are as well.

i could not help but think of a. he and i had been best friends for what seems like forever and a day. joined at the hip almost. my buddy. partner in crime. when he met the lady who is now his wife, our friendship slid slowly to an end. she did not want him spending time with me, and to keep the peace and to please her i no longer see him. it has taken me a long time to get over not having him in my life (not sure if i am over it). when the years passed and i wondered why it has taken me so long to get past the whole situation, i began to realise that not only had we grown up together, we had grown into one another. i carried him, his hopes and his dreams in my heart. i'd like to think he did the same of me. he was in my system, and like it or not, just as our friendship was many years in the making, even if i wanted to, i could not just flush it or him out of my heart. it's been three years since i've seen him. it hurts a whole lot less now. and i am glad that it is taking me time to get 'over' our friendship, because if it were so easy to get over it, i would have to question whether it was genuine in the first place.

sometimes i get to missing 'breaking bread' with him. but life in it's ability to bring into play that which is new and lovely, i wonder about my friendships now and the friendships to come. missing the ones that have had their time, and loving the ones that present themselves presently... i am open and careful and intentional, as best i can. nothing and no one is perfect, but we try...