far from home

there's a newish market in madrid, they have little stands that sell lots of goodies to eat. one is a little french company, too bad i can't remember the name, which sells oysters. there we stood, my friend s. and i, wondering which oysters to select. you see i know very little about oysters, but i love 'em. i love the taste of the sea that i get from them. i asked the young man behind the counter which one's would he recommend. i always like to ask for recommendations from the people who work in a place, because they know. he explains the various tastes of the different oysters to me (i should have written down what i learned, but i didn't, and now i've forgotten) and i chose according to my taste.

i do realise oysters are not for everyone. but strangely i like them, and these were delicious. it's a glass refrigerated case-full of ice and oysters, french white wine, a friendly guy with standing behind a small glass counter, not much more, still plenty. while my friend and i savored the flavors of the sea our friend behind the counter poured us little cool glasses of white wine. he was cute. i asked him where he was from. with hesitation and the biggest smile he shared that he was from morocco.

intently he asks me, 'have i ever been?'

'no i haven't,' i say.

'you should, you will love it,' is his suggestion.

point is, the oysters and cool white wine were so deliciously served by this friendly young man that i returned about two weeks later with another friend. i've mentioned to you that i can be shy until i can warm to you and then you can't shut me up.

when i returned to this little french stand in madrid with my other friend i wanted her to taste their goodies and to see this lovely young man. it's just that i enjoyed his passion for what he was serving as well as the tiny bit he shared about his country.

my friend like the oysters and white wine too. i kind of stood on the side and let her enjoy. the guy who works there looked at me standing over to the side from the corner of his eye, and said to me

'you have come back?'

i smiled, 'you remember me,' i say.

'of course,' he answers back.

in this moment my friend asks him where in morocco he is from. he tells her. it's all greek to me, i know nothing about morocco. and the two of them take off, for she is familiar with places and spaces in morocco. they go on about his town, which to his surprise she has been to, along with some other favorite destinations that they share. they speak of festivals, and family and friends. and he almost sings about how he misses he country and longs to be there.

i stayed on the side finding deep pleasure in my oysters, white wine, friends connecting and sharing a love for a place that at that moment seemed so far away. still in a time and in a moment we feel less alone in the company of one another, a sweet company shared...

it's late on this side. i'm tired, went to dinner and a movie tonight. i should sleep now, and i will. just that i wanted to write a wee bit as writing eases my heart. so if this story is full of mistakes or is utterly uninteresting, do forgive me. i'm drunk with sleep and i simply can't tell.

ok, off to sleep now... i hope you are well... and have a lovely sunday...

just snowing

snow again here in the city. i ask myself how do they know that every single snow flake is different. if it is true that is quite remarkable. we've some nice, fat ones now, nice fluffy floaty snow flakes. some schools have been closed. i used to adore snow days, staying home from school, playing in the snow; literally a child's winter wonderland. i think i've mentioned how i love when the snow falls, how it quiets everything, slows down this busy city, covers all in a soft white blanket...

a friend called me yesterday frustrated about work. she was quite upset. i listened. i've been there so i knew exactly what she meant, but for that moment, the best thing was to blow off steam... hope she's feeling better now.

tea is brewing, and i've my 'to do' list. just wanted to pop in and connect with you a moment. hope you are well... sending love...

on blooming later

had a reunion with some university 'sisters' this weekend. ok, i'll confess, in university i pledged a sorority. i was a bit naive about the whole deal. i totally thought the sisterhood was a cool way to work in community service, at least that is how it was sold to me. once i was in, i had a chance to see that it was far different from what i thought it would be, so i distanced myself.

all through the years the girls get together quite often, but i have never joined in. i was urged to come and hang out for an evening at one of the girl's house. dinner, wine, catching up and connecting was in store.

it was quite nice. it's amazing to see how after all these years how our lives are taking shape. in general i have angered (really angered) family and friends simply because i haven't married and started a family. i'm too busy planning my next trip...

but i do think there comes a time, if not a moment in time, or perhaps along the way, when i ask myself what am i doing and where am i going.

it truly is a gift to say i like where i am now and i hope to continue to grow into myself. there is much to do; career, home, love... but it's a lot easier to do these things when one's heart is not broken as mine have been over the years by people i love.

what's sweet, is coming into my own, learning that it is my heart that says so, not anyone or anything else. i was torn by everyone else's idea of who i should be. now i know that it is me, myself that needs to say yes to what i need and want. and it feels really good to be getting to this place.

the time with the girls was incredibly lovely. and definitely a reminder to be true to myself and continue in my efforts to shape a life for myself that is pleasing. they are well into what they have chosen for themselves. i, myself am onto a late start for what i personally want and need, loving myself and following my heart. but it feels really good to have figured out this essential piece of the puzzle.

here, you encourage me... and i am immensely grateful. i read your comments, thoughts and ideas, and i am warmed and i feel thought of... thank you!

and i see your comments from the last post too. lovely!! merci beaucoup sweeties...

barcelona

you my dear friends may know by now that my mind works best during storytelling. when i have the chance to visit a place, and when i return, friends will say 'so tell me about your trip.' i never know really where to begin because my mind simply doesn't work in a way where i would say 'i saw this and i saw this...' my mind works by way of telling stories.

i've been at a loss for words lately when a friend asked about some tips for visiting barcelona, i lived in barcelona for a year (and madrid for four years). as she is going for a week in may, i've been wondering what to say by way of suggestions of what to do and see in barcelona. i figured out why i have not come up with anything to say, which i thought was quite strange.

in general all the tour books lay out clearly the must sees when visiting a place, so i would not be telling her any secrets when i mention the sacrada familia. ...when i visit a place, i visit in such an organic manner. i never really know what i'm going to do, so it's difficult for me to suggest to someone 'you should see this.' i mostly feel my way around, see what my heart says when i wake up that morning. but i may have figured something out. as you know i like to tell stories, so i thought of some of my favorite memories and am beginning to get some ideas...

you see, i can't say 'you should visit the Mediterranean sunset,' but i can tell you about the most gorgeous sunset i have ever seen. while living in barcelona some friends invited me for an evening in Sitges, which i have never heard of. they thought i should see it as it is absolutely beautiful. it's just outside of barcelona. we took the train out. when i arrived, the sun was just beginning to set. we walked along the sea taking in the breath-taking prettiness of the seaside small town. there, one will visit a feeling. a feeling of walking casually along the sea with friends who i loved being with, laughing and having fun, conversations and spirits in awe of the beauty of this simple small town. i happened to look up again and visually captured a moment when the sun itself seemed the biggest and the most golden and the most present and close it has ever seemed in all my life. there it was, beautiful warm, huge, round; a golden ball with hints of red ever present just before my eyes. my heart seemed to stall for a moment. we all stood in awe as it slipped down into the horizon ...and only rays of light continued to light the horizon after the sun had set.

i hope i never forget that moment when my heart was touched so by such beauty in the midst of such wonderful sweet company. we all strolled over to a tiny out door cafe terrace for sipping of something cool or sweet while we discussed where on earth should we have dinner.

so i remember now, i can say to my friend, if you think it might please you, you and your sweetie could spend the day by the sea in Sitges, or simply travel out by train before sunset, have a walk along the sea, before going off to dinner.

and then maybe i'll remember... of course!! the fun fantastical colourful playland of parc güell.

indeed too, barcelona's stunning architecture along the grand boulevards. In barcelona, there, it may be that you find yourself drinking a bit less of spain's delicious red wine, and sipping a bit more on Cava, spain's own luscious sparkling wine, as champagne can only be called so when it's actually made in the champagne region of france.

it's coming back to me now... i think i might have a few things to share...

you, what's on for the weekend? i hope you will enjoy it in your own special way!! have you had the feeling of more sunsine? like the sun is getting closer to us, and hanging around a little longer during the day... spring on the way?

sweet weekend dear You!!

happy love day

i used to get into a lot of trouble when i was in my twenties. if a certain young man who i was interested in came to my apartment, there he would find cute little valentine gifts on my bookshelf, or on a coffee table. little bears that said i love you, little hearts that asked me to be their valentine. he'd wonder where were these gifts from...

you see i've never thought of valentine's day as a sweethearts day, i've simply thought of it as a love day. this is because when i was a little girl, my mom would give me, all of my siblings, valentine's day goodies. they were little bears, or little hearts, candy or perfume. and i've kept them over the years and as they were these little things. i'd tuck them in little places as a reminder of my mom's thoughts of me.

and when the gentlemen saw them they were a bit confused, and i'd have to explain that they were from my mom. they were not always convinced. i secretly liked remembering that i was already loved, and if things were to work out and he and i became boyfriend and girlfriend, well that was like icing on the cake. more love is simply sweeter!!

i hope your day is sweet. and too, remember all the varied ways that love takes its place in your life...

sending valentine kisses!!

buddies

i've a friend who is to be married in about a month. we sat yesterday for hours over hot chocolate discussing her fears, her concerns, her hopes and excitement.

we talked about making love and making babies. how beautiful! i wish her every good thing. and i reminded her that i will be right there. so on that day, look into my eyes if you need to, and know that nervousness is quite normal when you mean it; love for life. i will walk with you while you do this! my heart spun around each time she told me how much she loves him. ...i left our time together walking on air...

today the snow falls intently, i plan to meet another friend to play in the snow... i really mean play... running and jumping and rolling in piles of snow. remember?

you... i hug!!

wanderlust

upon return from mon voyage... ahh... it's been a while since i've been around.


no cell phone, no computers... out of touch in a way. it was really nice to be out of the city in the wide open spaces of colorado, with lots of sunshine and the merriment of celebrating a friend's birthday.

it's nice to return as well, catch up with friends and see how they are and what they have been up to.

when signing on now this feeling came over me, oh how i miss this space where we share our stories and our doings... sweet indeed! i hope you are well!

when i was a girl, my mom would put me and my sister on an airplane every summer to go and spend the summer with family in florida. we were so little, we had our little name tags and the flight attendants would look after us until we arrived and family would pick us up at the airport. i wonder if this is when my love of travel began, or perhaps i was born with this wander lust...

found this poem last night...

go to the limits of your longing
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us out of the night.

these are the words we dimly hear,

you, sent out beyond recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
embody Me.

by rilke

kiss u!