Monday, February 4, 2008

growing up



my mom was born in Georgia. i was there as a baby, but i don't remember it. i hear parts of it is beautiful. i always feel like i have grown up with a sense of a mix within me, that is, a sense of what is thought of as a southern gentility mixed with being a city girl. being my mom's daughter, there are some southern terms that i like very much. one word is 'grown folks.' of course this refers to adults, but the southeners have a way of saying it as if it is a special club to belong to. i have always been a curious one, one might even say nosey. but i like to think of it as a genuine curiosity and a love of learning. (smile)

when i was little i used try to listen in on the conversations of my mom and her friends. i remember being at a loss when they were all excited when marvin gaye's new 'album' sexual healing came out. i remember so well all the ladies in the living room dancing around singing the lyrics to sexual healing. i had no idea what all the excitement was about.

when my mom caught me hanging around (though i tried to make myself invisible) she would tell me that i was not ready for 'grown folks conversation.' i always had a feeling that i was not there yet... of course. when i got older and listened to the lyrics more intently i thought... ohhhh ... i see...

that said, these days i have been thinking more and more about being a grown up. you see i have never really thought much about money. i always thought 'do what you love and the money will follow.' well i love hanging around reading and writing. but until, and unless my hopes and dreams of being a writer by profession (sharing my secrets with you) comes true, i do have to be more intentional about making money. thought i'd take a little venture out of my dreamfilled ideas of living and have a look at life in a more 'material' kind of way. so between my search for new work and my studies about money i have found that my ability these last few days for writing has been stifled a bit. maybe because my time and energy has been given to other things besides my writing. thus my not haven written for a while. but now i try to push myself back here so as not to be gone too long. i think what i am coming to understand is that a life of being a grown up does not mean that we have to abandon the things we love, in my case, dreams of being a writer. and at the same time, while dreaming and trying, i do believe a balance can be struck, and i hope to find that balance. this is just a long way of saying or coming to understand that grown folks can have fun too. i've written here before that my mom is a single mom. she raised 4 children alone. the rent was paid and food was plenty, the basics were met. and there was still time and desire for dancing with her friends to the tunes of marvin gaye. i hope in my own way to strike a balance with the necessary and responsibility of the 'real world' and my dream world. that is, a sense of harmony between that which brings me pleasure and that which just has to be done. know what i mean?

6 comments:

Cecy said...

I know exaclty waht you mean. Its something I have asked myself plenty of times

l'air de temps said...

hi cecy,
it's tricky isn't it?

nuriiii said...

Creo que lo que planteas es un dilema muy básico. Todos hemos sufrido de una manera otra con este tema, de una forma más o menos velada. Ganarse la vida con aquello que a uno le gusta es un placer y motivo de felicidad.

También pienso que no hay que ponerse unas metas demasiado altas, casi irreales (ser un escritor o un director conocido). Pero eso no quiere decir renunciar a los sueños y a las metas. Hay puntos intermedios y las pequeñas metas y logros también cuentan.

Creo que es el tema recurrente de este blog: Encontrar el camino... Y creo que es posible con mucho trabajo, mucho empeño, tener las cosas claras (es decir, buena dosis de inteligencia emocional) y un poco de suerte.

Besos,

n.

l'air de temps said...

'todos hemos sufrido de una manera otra con este tema'

hi Nuri, your words remind me that it may be an intrinsic modern day preocupation in our efforts to find meaningful work. i think your idea as well about simply being a writer is wonderful. trying to be famous for example, is something different. like you said we can find our place 'hay puntos intermedios y las pequenas metas...'

'may all your dreams come true. be kind and work hard.' i shared this quote in an earlier post.

thanks for your reflections. i find them insightful.

nuriiii said...

Tolstoi dijo algo que a mí siempre me inspira, aun sabiendo que él sí era un escritor excepcional: 99% trabajo, 1% talento.

En su caso, desde luego que el talento era más del un 1%. Pero sé que sin trabajar duramente no hubiera conseguido escribir como escribió. Y él con esa cita, sin duda, quiso restarle importancia a su talento innato y darle un homenaje a su capacidad de trabajo.

(También alguien dijo que un libro no se escribía con el "coco" sino con "el culo", por la cantidad de horas que había que pegarse delante del folio o del ordenador).

No quiero emular a Tolstoi pero él me recuerda que tengo que trabajar duro si quiero conseguir mis metas. Pero es frustante también cuando trabajas y no consigues nada, o bien poco, y tus sueños quedan en sueños. Pero prefiero fracasar en el intento que no intentarlo.

A propósito, estás en racha y tu actividad es super intensa en tu blog. Casi no me da tiempo a digerirlo todo. Pero me gusta lo que escribes. Es todo muy íntimo, pero a la vez se trata de sentimientos muy humanos y básicos y creo que es muy fácil leer parte de nosotros mismos en tus ideas. Gracias miss T.

l'air de temps said...

hey miss Nuri,

it's true isn't it? it does take hard work if one wants to do something and be good at it. i have been thinking about this lately. i have also been thinking about ways to organise myself better so as to get better results from my efforts.

and strangely enough i was thinking recently about my writings here, and thinking that maybe they are too intense and perhaps too long. but in a way when i write i find answers that i did no know i was looking for. so writing out things is a helpful thing for me.

i was hoping that i don't bore persons who stop in to read.

i think in time i will find a balance. even now, when i look over the various writings, i can see the changing, transformation, transitions that are happening within me and with my writing. i like very much the direction it is going in.

your questions and your comments are incredibly helpful and insightful. and i love your quotations from varios philosophers. it's as if tolstoy and socrates are in on the discussion as well...