goin' with the flow...

not too long ago i expressed a discontent about not having a space where i feel at home. many of you gave much needed words of encouragement, as well as some tips on how to make where i am a bit more nice. and then i wrote about how i had worked hard on a project and it did not turn out as i had hoped. this, though i suspect i had been thinking on this for a while, got me to thinking to not hold on so tight, ease up, take it easy. let go and see what comes of it. i'm a bit of a perfectionist, i like to get it right. though i suspect perfect does not exist.

as perfect does not exist, for the moment if i allow myself, i see a bit of an opportunity. let me explain. last month the landlord of the apartment where i live advised that she needed to visit the apartment with a city inspector. i 'think' this is a routine check up by the city to see that all the nuts and bolts are in place. though it is an old apartment, my biggest worry was finding the batteries to put back into the smoke alarm. (i know i shouldn't take them out, but the sound is so awful.)

well after that visit, the inspector informed that there were some repairs that needed to be done. he would return to insure the repairs have been done. though this apartment is old, it's clean and all works well. it's just not so pretty. and because i share this space i have never tried to push my agenda for 'prettiness.' plus, et une raison plus forte, the rent is incredibly inexpensive. and to get an apartment in new york that is not expensive is like finding a gold mine. so we never tried to push our luck in terms of having it modernised.

long story made just a tiny bit longer, we are having, starting tomorrow repairs being done. they will come in and fix up the plumbing, repair any cracks, and do a nice paint job. maybe, i'm not saying definitely, if i can let go of the resentment that i have harbored as a result of living in an ugly, although inexpensive apartment, after the repairs i can be a bit pushy about redecorating.

that said, i won't be able to write and visit here in blogland for a tiny bit. i'm thinking about a week or so. but i'll be back and let you know what's the sense after the repairs (wish me luck). and i'll even try and spend some time in places that sell pretty home stuff for ideas, inspiration and a bit of purchasing. i'm hoping to be able to pop in and visit the blogs i like to visit. so we'll see how much i am able to do that, as all is boxed up now in preparation for repairs. hopefully i can find a little corner at night with my lap top and drop in to say hello to any dear ones who have come this way.

be well! ...à bientot.

madame ballerina...

i just wanted to take this opportunity to wish a dear cyber friend, Madame Susu, best wishes, today, on her wedding day.

sheer poetry

'...back when poetry counted for something.'

is a line i just read that gets me to thinking that indeed there 'was' a time when poetry counted for something. so often i can feel a bit out of place enjoying immensely what seems to be 'pleasures of the past,' the written letter, spending hours simply talking with a friend, as h. and i did on tuesday (5 hours, even i couldn't believe it). not only travel, but thinking about travel quite often, buses, trains, ordering a bit of red wine on flight to europe. i love it. but then in connection, how to find the time?

watched dr. zhivago last night for the first time. i never watched it because i thought it was only a movie about war. i don't like war movies. so it's not only about war, not in the least. the complexity of human emotions as well as experiences, i'm thinking about now. how, though it is often portrayed as such, all is not simply black and white, but a series of various hues that keeps us frustrated, over joyed, confused and ecstatic, very often even at the same time.

a 17 year old young lady asked me 'why do i like/drink tea?' i was at a lost for words...

what a wonderful question! mais les mots m'échappe...

i'm hoping that you are having the kind of day that makes you smile.

'la siesta est obligatoire'

the quote from my previous post has inspired such a lovely conversation amongst us blog buddies. i want to continue with this conversation, it's such a good one. your ideas and additions have inspired in me a bit of contemplation and research on the sweet ideas that you have shared. so for the next few posts i will add a little quote to your ideas, in no particular order...

naps were mentioned...

naps are nature's way of reminding you that life is nice, like a beautiful, softly swinging hammock strung between birth and infinity. ~ peggy noonan

i hope a sweet summer afternoon nap is in your near future...

hello

one ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

skipped town for a minute

(no haven't been to Paris this time...)

it's been only a week since i've last been here. it feels longer. maybe because i haven't had the chance to pop 'round and see what you all have been up to. funny how i miss you when i am away. funny how i miss writing. funny how i get to thinking 'what shall i write about next?' it's a privilege in a way if these are the thoughts that fill my mind these days. i've a sprinkling of other things going through my mind as well. if it's ok, i'll share them in a bit. but my light thoughts, undeep thoughts, have come about recently. i tend to obsess about things. i want to get it as right as possible. but recently when i've had something that i worked on really hard not turn out as i had hoped, i just thought that i will stop trying so hard. not necessarily in a don't care attitude, more so in a more fluid way of existing. what i mean to say is, instead of obsessing over stuff, i will try my best, and 'que sera sera'. and, i give myself permission and time to indulge in things i like without considering these little loves frivilous. it's especially necessary i think, as well in nyc culture where so much is about productivity and making money. a girl definitely has to give herself permission to indulge in stuff that makes her smile...

some friend's of m. came to visit. in allowing myself to be honest, i don't care for them too much. they tend to come take over the place in an incredibly inconsiderate way. so i just skipped town for a couple of days.

i:

1. stayed in a pretty b & b just outside of town

2. browsed shops with beautiful home decor stuff

3. hung out in book stores until they started preparations for closing

4. ate 'comfort food' as i am nursing a broken tooth that is being mended

5. reading a cool book about an australian finding his way in paris. i'm beginning to wonder if i am dreaming of having the 'awful privilege' of finding my way about paris.

6. took a conversation class with a french teacher (didn't go so well but i'll keep tryin')

7. upon return met with some folks at a house warming party and relished in the idea that i'm becoming more comfortable in my own skin. i didn't find a corner to hide out in...

hope you and yours are doing good these summer days...

l’environnement privé

'for the private individual, the private enviornment represents the universe.' ~walter benjamin

all in time?

as i am learning to speak french it comes as a surprise to me that i never knew the 'meaning' of angelina jolie's name. though to be perfectly honest i don't think about her much, which is only fair because i suspect that she does not think of me much as well (insert smile here:)

this past sunday i allowed myself the pleasure of spending some time in a beautiful independent bookstore cafe in soho. i ordered a pot of tea, gathered up my favorite magazines, a travel writing of a woman falling in love in tuscany, and, funny to see the book 'petite anglaise' here after browsing her blog.

i picked up vanity fair magazine only because the cover with a.j was so striking. i guess that's the point. in her interview she said something that i thought was interesting. '...figure out who i am and try to enhance my individual personality and not get in the way of it.'

i suppose this struck me because of a few things that i've been thinking on...

as my new year's wish list for 2008 i wished for, among other things:

1. a sweet home

as an adult, i've made some great efforts to put myself back together again after a somewhat difficult childhood. i like so much the way i'm going, though it has been a long road. ...but a living space that is comfortable and beautiful, still elludes me. this morning i was thinking, what's the block, and how long until i can get there?

to be honest, there is much that is beautiful that fills my days, and my mind, and my heart. i am grateful for these gifts. so i hope that i am not mistaken when i encourage myself to continue, because so much beauty has come into my life. and as my heart and mind are changing in wonderful ways, a space where i feel at home is on it's way.

so while i am 'figuring out who i am, endeavoring to enhance my individual personality... and if, i can get out of the way...' i so much adore and want for my home a 'shabby chic' style like this one. (click and make it big so you can really get the feel of all the softness and fluffiness:)

this one created by miss rachel ashwell has within it so much of the stuff i love... soft colours, fluffy comfortable fabrics, and it's simply pretty...

as i am figuring out who i am...

some things are simply clear. i think this quote by c.s. lewis captures my love of tea and books... 'you can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.'

hope you're feeling good today.