dear you

it's normal right, the year is coming to an end. we become reflective, what has been. what is. what will be. it has been said, a life unexamined is not worth living...

year end festivities. do celebrate, do have fun in your own special way. and remember...

when making your list of desired improvements and simply desires, perhaps make another list...
of all the ways you have been wonderful this year!

have yourself...

thinking of You, have yourself a nice one...

brand new day!

brand new day... what to wear?

have a nice one, dear You!

mais pas encore

i'm breaking taboo again by talking about the weather... baby it's cold outside! we had pretty nice and not so cold weather up until now. i had a friend once who moved here from israel in the summertime and loved it here. he had heard rumours about how cold it gets in nyc in the wintertime and asked me about it. 'does it get cold here, he asks?' 'extremely.' was my gentle reply. he was afraid as he should have been. it freezes here in the wintertime, and the thing that makes it painful is that for the most part, new yorkers walk long distances all the time, every day. so we don't have the comfort of popping in our cars, driving somewhere and then popping into a cosy warm interior. so for the most part we live the sting of winter and it's painful.

as it hasn't gotten cold up til now, i thought, maybe this winter won't be so bad. but the cold has come on suddenly and with fervor. so this morning while dressing i was talking to myself like a little girl. 'girl it's alright, brace yourself 'cause it's cold. you know the deal, and it'll be cold for some months now.

we buddle up and head out for the day, until we can come home again and curl up and shake off the day...

i mentioned during big holidays my little corner of the world empties out. it's such a physical telling of all the folks who move to nyc from somewhere else. i love all the different faces and sounds of different languages being spoken. i sometimes just close my eyes when i'm walking and hear simultaneously all the different languages i can hear in my hearing distance. it's beautiful, so much like a song.

no my sweet people from somewhere else have gone home for the holidays. it's a bit of a pretty snowy ghost town, and this i love too. and i find comfort in knowing that i just have to hop on the subway and travel literally a few stops and i'm in the thick of greenwhich village, times square, lincoln center, park ave... in no time, depending on my mood...

but i have always liked quiet places that i can sneak away to when the hustle and bustle gets to me. i take a breather, and then i'm on my way again. one of the places i like to duck into is st. patrick's cathedral. it's gorgeous. i so often just sit there and soak in the beauty of the space...

but wheather i'm hanging inside or outside, in the freezing cold or cosy interiors, i try to appreciate the pretty parts that the city has to offer, all it's various moods and manifestations...

i have the below picture in my archive of photos. i think of it these days, when i comfort myself in saying spring always follows winter! this photo captures precisely what we feel like when we come out of a nyc city winter; exhausted, relieved, pleased, excited and warmed.

that's the thing right... we appreciate the sunny days so much deeply because of the grey winter days... to be loved and appreciated in their own way.

mais pas encore mon amis, not just yet my friends, we've got winter to delight ourselves in. every season in it's own time...

p.s. you know how when you or a friend tastes something and it's horrible, you scrunch up your face and say 'taste this!' yuck. ...why do we do that?

i have what i call a 5 year gap year. when i lived in spain all kinds of stuff happened here in the states that i knew nothing about. i remember returning home one Christmas and wondering who is Paris Hilton, as she had been everywhere, television, magazines, newspapers, and i had zero idea who she was.

and stuff like this, i still can't put together. but i must say i like her boots! have a look, or taste this! herehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfvOgEEsaO8

have a wonderful day! & be warm...

girl talk

talked by phone with my longtime friend g. today. hee hee we stumbled upon the idea of how when we were girls in our twenties how we would get dressed in cute little dresses to go out on the town for the evening. the idea came about by seeing the young ladies now in little dresses and high heels in a snow storm. we had to laugh because we did the very same thing as stupid as it is.

oh i loved the fashion from the eighties...


it makes most people cringe, but it's nostalgic for me, when it's so much fun for a girl to be adorably pretty... i had all kinds of magazines piled up near a wall in my room. my mom would walk in and just smile. i loved books and fashion magazines and they filled my room...

daahling...

daahling, so what are you doing for Christmas?

Christmas is coming in it's own time. i've heard some various stories. M.'s family calls almost everyday in excited expectations of his return home, and too they discuss the menu for Christmas eve and day, a kind of distant collaboration until he arrives...

G. is going to new england to a big house way deep in the woods, there she'll play with friends, meals in front a cosy fireplace (she's a wonderful cook), walks in the woods, will there be snow?

P. is one of many who suffer during this time, dissappointed expectations, family drama... i'm trying to think of a lovely gift to ease the pain.

this holiday always brings a mix of excitement and anticipation for some, and a bit, if not a whole lot of dread for others.

for me, to begin the day i hope to keep my recent tradition. where i live empties out during holidays, most people are from someplace else. it really is like a ghost town, something out of twilight zone. i love it, more space and more peace in the absence of the crowds. i like to get up really early, 7ish in the morning and go for a walk along the boardwalk. steamy tea in hand. there, families with little ones are already out, as the little ones get up incredibly early i suppose. sweeties too are holding hands enjoying the new Christmas morning. there are only a little bit of us out and it's real sweet. then i return to join friends and family to see what Santa has brought...

snow dreams

i believe it was the novelist elmore leonard who mentioned one should never begin a story with the weather... how boring.

does it count that this really isn't a story... the city is covered in snow! it's a winter wonderland, i aim to find my way deep into central park to play...

happy sunday to you...

qu'est-ce que tu fais ce week-end?

thing is, there's always a reason not to write. i learned that some time ago. some years ago i had a cyst on my eye and i was scheduled for minor surgery to remove it. i was in university at the time and that afternoon i had an appointment to meet with my advisor. i thought the little surgery would be a snap, then i'd go and meet my advisor afterwards regarding a writing assignment i had. turned out the little surgery was more painful and bloody than i thought. i left the doctors office with a bit of a shiner and in deep pain. why didn't i know that even though the removal of the bump on my eye was nothing serious, that whole part of the face is incredibly sensitive around the eye, and the eyelids. how painful.

i was in too much pain to go through my meeting with my advisor, i went by his office to tell him so and to make my apologies. he was sympathetic, but saw no reason not to have our meeting. i felt i couldn't go on, but he insisted. it would only take 5 minutes to give me my writing instructions, he let me know. that was a painful 5 minutes. then, there, i thought, there is always a good reason not to write. much can claim our time and attention.

my eye healed nearly perfectly. that was the plan. while at the eye doctor, when first having the little bump on my eye examined, the doctor specifically said he was going to send me to a specialist. i remember his words as he hovered over me looking closely at my eyelid, shining that light just brightly. he said 'when this is removed, you want this to look like it was never there.' the specialist did an excellent job, only i can see the miniscule scar, because i know just where to look. ...our scars remind us of where we've been. i have a real nice one on my knee that i call my italian scar. i got it on a train ride from rome to naples one lovely morning, ...but that's a different story.

and here we are again, another reason not to write. here in the big city we are having our first real snow fall. the snow is pretty and soft, floating down silently these pre-Christmas days. thought i sit down and write a bit, and then i saw the snow fall. the first one! i want to be out in it. ...what about writing? hmmm...

sweet saturday dear You!
bon week-end

yum yum, hot wine...

for some reason i'd never heard of Christmas markets before spending a few years in spain. there, it was my friends from finland that invited me to the german Christmas market in madrid. what a mix right? there i learned of all the creative goodies that one could buy as gifts for Christmas. I learned too, about hot wine. there are various names for this yummy brew of hot wine which can have fruit and nuts in it depending on which country you happen to find yourself in during the holiday season. I just love it, wandering through the markets on chilly nights, feasting upon all the goodies that are offered. what makes it especially special too is traveling these markets with friends, sipping hot wine, chatting, munching, shopping...

...do hope these days leading up to Christmas are good for you...

sending melodic Christmas carol hugs... do have a sweet weekend.

image from life

le niveau suivant

yesterday i got my yoga class schedule a bit mixed up. i ended up in a more advanced class, and boy was it advanced. at one moment i asked... is she really standing on her head while her legs are sideways touching the floor. hmmm. it was wonderful because it made me think, to see what progress looks like. i said to the teacher afterwards that i can see where i can challenge myself to move myself to the next level.

i'm a very visual person. so seeing for me is believing. i think this is a wonderful metaphor for life. at the same time there are some pretty profound teachings about hoping when that which is hoped for is not seen. and too, sometimes seeing helps us to see what the next level can look like, and we can align ourselves in such a way to prepare for growth...

is it really almost Christmas? one friend was telling me of her holiday plans and i marveled at how she had it all together so soon. i looked at the calender and saw that Christmas is next week!

i do hope your preparations are coming along nicely...

(if you don't use it you lose it. after studying french intensely for a year, i feel like i remember almost nothing. i will try to eke out a few words here. don't pay this section any mind. le niveau suivant, or should it be le niveau prochaine...)

listening to michael jackson's human nature... phew, what a year. but too, it has been quite beautiful for me in many ways. i hope twenty o nine was/is good to you.

sending kisses...

bises...

the actress robin wright penn talked about never really liking her work as an actress during an interview on charlie rose. she also talked about fear, and how after a while it's so tiresome being afraid all the time. thing is, she shares, just do it, fail if you have to, there may be something on the other side of that fear.

she has a new film out called the private lives of pippa lee, which looks good but heavy. she was teary eyed saying this work she is proud of. ... i enjoy her as an actress. i'm surprised to hear that she has not been satisfied with her work. i'm pleased to hear that this performance she loves. i'm sorry that fear holds us in it's grips.

each day is a new opportunity, a new chance to try again. i love that this is...

don't call it a comeback

i think the singer sade is quite stunning. i wrote in a post some time ago how there are some things that are difficult for me to indulge in because they are too heartfelt. i want to move in another direction rather than feel so deeply. i bet you this is the cause too of some of my frustration these days. the good stuff i want to run and hide from... deep flavors of sun dried tomatoes, these days too, garlic... the flavors are intense. an incredibly well written novel with rich dialogue... i may have to take a seat on a shrinks sofa to find out what that's about. or as mentioned, sit and sip wine with a friend and talk about it.

sade has a new album (i love using the word album, it's so retro) coming out in early 2010 (i like saying twenty ten too). it is her first in almost a decade. i was at her last concert in 2000, front row. i simply adore her soulful sensual heartbreaking lyrics. thing is, she takes these incredibly loooonnng breaks between albums. she says she takes time for living, and caring for the people she loves. makes perfect sense to me.

some writers call it a come back. they don't know what they're talking about. they may even be too young, unless they have been writing for the past twenty five years. if they have been then they know that she purposely takes long periods of time between her musical recordings. she loves performing, but she loves her family and friends even more, and would rather spend the time with them. and when the desire to produce and perform presents itself again... she graces us with her presence.

once when i was to buy tickets to one of her concerts, a friend of mine asked me if i could really sit through a sade concert, wouldn't that be too boring she asks me. i knew then that sade's slow melodic style is not for everyone. i can respect that. when sade left the stage almost ten years ago she was in her early 40's, i was not sure if i would see her again. now at 50, she's back, simply. love it! in my opinion she has a tiny bit of age in her voice, and this i love as well. it seems like a life lived with beautiful music with family and friends that sweeten each and everyday, or present those bitter days that encourage seasoning and growth. you may know what i mean.

and too i think about my own life. as the living is happening i look to season my days in such a way that i am as excited about my own self and journey, as i am about the journey of another, or perhaps even more so, just cause it's healthier that way. anywho, she's back and i'm excited.

have a look from one of her past songs from the eighties... the sweetest taboo here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo0daUXSV5M

is there someone who's music you adore? do tell sweet you!

i'm just sayin'

in connection to the tiger woods' scandal... his wife bought a 2.2. million dollar home in sweden (the yellow one on the right). i'm just saying the home looks nice. you know my imagination, i won't even bother to talk about the gossip, scandal, betrayal and heartbreak. i'm just saying this looks like a really nice place for a girl and her babies to get away, to shake off and heal from all that breaks the heart. girlfriends can come over for a nice cup of tea, while away the afternoon hours which can spin into evening where delicious wine and dinner is insisted upon. the sweet love of loved ones can lift a heart...

speaking of love and friends, you did a really nice thing in my last post. your comments were sweet, inspiring and comforting. you know what, i was still a bit stuck, yesterday while sitting on the sofa i checked in and read your messages. i just disconnected from the computer then and savored your words of inspiration and comfort... thanks so much!! it helps a lot.

not a drip drop

and you? how are you? what are you up to dear Reader? me? not a drip drop of a word, sentence, paragraph, dare i say story, will come to me to share with you here as i would love to. writers block? could be... i haven't been able to write a thing here to share with you.

dare i say it's a kind of frustration... it feels like it. i can imagine sitting down on a cosy couch over wine and talking with a good friend. i'd tell her that all this stuff is inside and it's ready to come out. stuff about living and i'm trying to figure out how to let it out. i'm writing to you now, as if we were together and i could share these words with you. it feels like a good thing, a frustrated good thing trying to find its way into the world, find it's way into being. for what i've done and what i've been no longer wants to be, a new thing is trying to emerge. i've mentioned how i want to care and nurture it and let it emerge. say a prayer for me. if prayer is not your thing, maybe think a good thought of me, send a cool vibe my way...

thanks for hearing my jumbled thoughts...

kiss u!