ommm

today in yoga class the instructor when asking us to relax at the beginning of class said to let go of all that does not benefit us; fears, stress, worry. how beautiful and true. it does us no good. we can put our minds on something else. joy, blessings, love, solutions...

it was a good yoga class. i had a teacher say once that there is no such thing as a bad meditation. when we try, no matter, it's good.

there is a thing about nyc. with the millions of people in this town, we all walk around with walls around us. i'm not sure why. people don't look at one another, no eye contact or acknowledgement really, as we go along our day. i always wish it were different. when we step beyond those walls, rather it be asking for directions, or anything that brings us out of our shell it is quite magical.

after yoga class one of the young ladies in the class started talking to me in the locker room. i wonder if she is new in town:) she started telling me about a mosquito that kept biting her all through class. she showed me the bite marks and everything. i couldn't believe it. as we laughed i said to her 'how hard is that?' and you're trying to be serene and meditative and a mosquito is biting you... it really was a human moment shared and i appreciated it. ...let go of all that does not benefit us...

say it ain't so... when it's not

the u.s. open ended today, so no longer do you have to suffer through my comments about tennis. ok, just one last one. i liked so much during the men's final the way the tennis players had no fear in challenging the umpire. even when they were angry they were strong in their convictions and said what they had to say and it was not always nice. as my mom is from the south, manners are a must. respect before all else. and i've since learned that manners are not always accompanied with kindness. i've always been at a loss when i know someone is clearly in the wrong as to what to say. i believed that being kind and mannerable meant not making waves. keep quiet. wrong!

i see now how one can respectfuly disagree. and disagreement is a must when it seems someone is clearly in the wrong. suffering through rudeness, wrongness or injustice is, well, unjust. and even if disagreement can't always be stated respectfully, it's still better to say what needs to be said somehow. i'm just saying, say it like you mean it, and mean it when you say it.

persistence & commitment

have you seen the film bend it like beckham? i'd arrived in spain totally unfamiliar with the game of football (soccer here in the u.s.), and equally unfamiliar with david beckham. spain was a good teacher, one can't live in spain and not learn a thing or two about soccer. though beckham is indeed a cutie, me heart belonged to zidane who played for france.

in the film, the main character above who sneaks off to play football despite her family's disaproval proves to be incredibly good at what she does and living her dream. when her family finds out and gets past their fury, her father said something that i loved. in his daughter's effort to live her dream he said with tears in his eyes 'i want her to fight and i want her to win.'

i used to think that if something did not come easily then it wasn't meant to be. why struggle. i've since learned that in most cases, not all, this could not be further from the truth. when it means something to you, fight for it. work for it and work for it really hard. stick with it and commit. keep trying and almost always something will come through. and just when you feel like you've got no more to give, something shifts and the light comes through.

i just finished watching one of the greats in this time in tennis, rafael nadal 'lose' to the argentine del portro. he was losing for most of the match. i watched wanting to turn away at times as he fought to come back (and he did not give up at all). when we try, really try, we win some and we lose some. the important thing is to try and see what comes of it. and if possibly try to enjoy the trying. persist and commit, or commit and persist, and see what presents itself.

with that said, gorgeous, sunny, warm, sunday afternoon here in nyc. nothing wrong with getting out of the house and enjoying a walk in central park. the farmer's market's on today as well, i think i'll have a little stop by. hope your sunday is sweet.

xoxo

focus

i must admit as a kid i had fun playing with my friends. we played hard and we were serious about our funtime. when i arrived home after school i would do my homework and change out of my school clothes into my play clothes and dart outside for fun and games. this went on for sixteen years and it was a good time i must admit. and i was bright enough that for the most part i did not have to study to pass my exams and courses. i retained enough from our lessons to do well in school. this may be a wonderful gift, in connection for the most part i never really studied before university. so i never really developed the habit of focusing on any one or two things. i like this picture of a girl being still and reading. not that i think a childhood should be all work and no play. not at all. but some planning, plotting and focus i think would have served me well for responsibilities and endeavors in the future. if i could speak to myself when i was say oh... ten years old i might write a letter that looks something like...

dear audrey,

you have a gift darling, you are incredibly smart and bright. how fun and wonderful. and i understand that you are having fun with your friends in and out of school. it's great that you're having such a good time. tell me some of the games you girls and boys are playing. what are some of your favorites?

i see as well that you like school and that you are doing incredibly well. congratualtions! this is wonderful. at the end of the school year, would it be alright with you if we went and had a little celebration? we could talk about some of the things that you like to do, and i could add a few suggestions to give you some new ideas and then we can celebrate you.

what are some of the things that interest you in school? tell me about how you love reading, and how you love your english classes. the reason i am asking you these questions is because i think it could be a wonderful idea if we spend a little more time on your school work and the subjects that you love. we can begin to learn the habit of focus and all the wonderful things that come from focus. it is not as much of a drag as you think it is. when you do something you love after a while it becomes a pleasure to do these things, even if it is hard work. and this will be a good habit to begin to form as it will serve you well when you are a big girl. you can focus on something and with your ability you will be able to do it really well. without focus and effort a good outcome is difficult to achieve. so we will talk about these things.

enjoy your funtime and your schooltime and i'll talk to you soon.

lots of love,
me years later

....
hmmm how interesting as i was writing this letter. thinking how i always begin many things and i don't finish. i am talking to myself these days about focus, and trying to learn a new habit.

i like very much your comments from the previous posts. i have responded with how your words struck me. are you good at focusing, beginning something and completing it? is there something that you wish that you could do well, or do well at enjoying:)? i wrote before how juliette binoche has begun to take dance lessons at the age of 44. how darling! i love this, doing something, committing to something that we enjoy... no matter what the age. i think too when we are doing that thing that we love, we are ageless.

cool and rainy here in nyc. the u.s. open matches are on pause as i have been enjoying watching them. here now with hot tea, cool music and writing... i hope you have a wonderful weekend. i'll definitely be popping in to see what you are up to...

sending weekend hugs!

love letters

sometime ago while browsing in a bookstore i came across this book, what i know: letters to my younger self. it is a collection of letters written by admirable women to themselves if somehow someway they could speak with themselves in the full knowledge and wisdom of what they know now. this struck me as a darling idea. boy if we can share some of the lessons learned and insights gained in the present with ourselves say fifteen twenty years ago.

the book and the idea stayed with me and i finally picked it up today not only with the idea of indulging in the wisdom of these ladies, but also with the idea of writing a few letters to myself, so i'll begin that tomorrow. while i'm in the midst of writing and seeing what this might look like, along the way... please feel free to add your ideas to this project. are there somethings that you could share with your twenty year old self? i'm already thinking along the lines of advising myself when i was 19/20 to focus. and too to remind myself to have fun and not worry so much. already the ideas are circling so we'll see what that looks like.

i had a best friend for about thirty years, we grew up together. i said to him once that i love the idea that he has known me in all my stages thus far. he has known me as a girl, he knew me when i was 16, when i was 26 and ahem... on and on... i'm already getting sentimental in connection to loving myself and imagining looking into the eyes of the girl i was when i was 19 years old. can you imagine? what are you thinking about dear you when you were 19, or the age you wish to speak to yourself at? love letters to ourselves.

with care

i watch people. it is a pleasure for me. i know very little about french culture, but there is a word isn't there, voyeur? mirriam webster says... etymology: french. literally, one who sees, from middle french, from voir, to see, from latin videre...

when i look up the word it seems now in modern times there are sexual connotations, but this is not what i mean or intend. i guess in modern day it is called 'people watching.' i enjoy watching people. last night during an evening at the alliance francaise, there in front of me was the most darling couple. there seem to be so many interesting things about them. i can only say seem because what do i know from looking on. first off they seemed to be sweetly in love. they seem to really enjoy one another. and it wasn't that kind of 'love' that makes other people feel left out. that may seem strange, but do you know what i mean? i'll try to explain, with pleasure. you know those kind of people that are so into themselves and their love there is a kind of vibe that says this is mine and you don't matter? then there is a love that seems to share in a way. it's almost a blessing to those who are around. i bet it has a lot to do with energy and intention which i know very little about. this couple from last night just seem to enjoy one another, kind of lost in themselves. he'd whisper to her, she'd lean in real close and brush her hair against his eyelashes as she listened closely. they seemed to really like one another. and too they seemed to have money. the only reason why i mention this is it was enjoyable to see the quality of her clothes, either a quality from a lost time, or from another place (perhaps italy) or simply what money can buy. and along with what money can buy also must come taste. her dress was a simple smoke grey/navy blue silk sheath. beautiful, with a zipper down the back. simple and elegant. she wore a set of sweet sized clear diamonds in her ears (not blood diamonds we hope). and her wedding rings, diamonds, clear, elegant and tasteful. as her dress cut just above her knees, bare legs, and simple soft leather pumps. sweet really. i just enjoyed the way they 'talked among themselves' with love, care and attention. i think that is the word that describes what was in the air and i think is a blessing to those in the midst, care... (regard coming from desire or esteem)

while writing this i'd like to think i like to people watch because it's connected to my writing, you know; characters, scene, description... or i could simply be nosey.

all things binoche

juliette binoche has a sister and her sister is an actress and film maker who has recently done a documentary on her sister juliette binoche. it's actually quite beautiful, and of course juliette binoche is her stunning talented self as always. jb is doing a world tour showing not only the documentary film, but she is a poet, dancer and painter as well. rather, it is more accurate to say that she writes poems, dances and paints. they are not her strongest talents, but ability she definitely has as was showcased in a viewing of the film and an interview this evening with charlie rose whom i adore even more.

it was a pleasure to sit and watch the binoche sisters in an interview with charlie rose hosted by the french institute here in nyc. should you run across the documentary, dance performance, poetry, picture book, or art exhibit that is all on view and tour now, it is definitely worth a visit.

i was intrigued and impressed by the multi-talent of juliette b, as well as inspired by her effort, work, and creativity. at 44 she asks the question, who says a woman can't dance at 44? brilliant question. it is incredibly true and a reminder for us ladies of all ages not to allow ourselves or our lives to be scripted for us. let's not let others impose their will on us. i appreciate binoche sharing and living these all important lessons...