be yourself

life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. ~john lennon

there are a number of things that have brought about the thought of this quote. i just put on the music of sade. remember her from the eighties? i have always loved her music. with sade you either love her music or not, take it or leave it. i have found, for the most part, there are no in-betweens. i happen to love it. perhaps it is the simplicity and the sensualness of her music that gets me. so much so i find it hard to listen to. some have even described her music as haunting. i wonder if this has anything to do with me finding it difficult to listen to. but i suspect that it has something to do with another thing that i am not so sure what it is. i hope to discover it right here with you while typing out these words.

you see her music like a few other things, i feel deeply. and perhaps this passion makes me afraid. kind of like that marianne williamson quote where she says something like our fears are connected to our wonderfulness. i'll try and leave the quote before i leave this space. but the idea is that we are so utterly cool within ourselves, it frightens us and we want to hide. don't know where that comes from. probably someone or someones saw us being our audaciously fabulous selves and fed us some crap to make us want to shrink. folks do that to kids you know. anywho, i digress...

so the thing is there are things that i love that touch me deeply that i have for far too long tried to stay away from. you would not even believe what they are (perhaps you have your own list. do you?). you already know about the music and sensualness of sade, i'll add to this...

• the flavor of sundried tomatos... intense. who wants to feel that deeply.


• really good looking guys. i feel like they might see me if i look at them, thus i hide.


• i buy really pretty clothes; dresses, slacks, blouses and skirts and i save them in my closet. for what i am not sure. perhaps if i wear them i will show off that fabulous me that i hide from(?)


• really really good books, i save them with the idea when i am strong enough i will read them. i open the pages and i see the quality of the writing and the intrigue of the story and i want to run and hide. too good, too deep. i'm out!


• there was this really good looking guy and incredibly interesting that was interested in me. he was funny because he was so frank and open. he would send me messages asking why i don't call him. i would send a message back saying he was too cute and fantastic. he would write back... 'so call me!' but i would not.

back to our quote, life is what is happening while we are making other plans. i noticed, mostly because of a recent writing, that i have these dreams of what i think my life should be like. when i wrote them down i realised that this is a kind of ideal life that i have been brainwashed into believing my life should look like. and luckily i'd like to think that i am smart enough and fabulous enough (smile), to realise that this is not what i want at all. and gratefully it has led me to begin to see what does exist in my life that i adore. and in connection to bring to light the things that i love; people, places and things. this, of course, flowers my life, allowing me to live and experience a life that was taylor made for me. and without allowing this, my days and life as a result will be empty and grey. i suppose for all of us, things would be empty and grey if we hide from ourselves and that which we love and touches us deeply. so lets not hide for those of us who are hiding. and for those of us who are not hiding, we continue to be inspired by you.

here's that marianne williamson quote (so often mistakenly attributed to nelson mandela but that's another story about a great person making a little mistake. see it happens to all of us.)

'our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. we ask ourselves 'who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' actually who are you not to be?... your playing small does not serve the world. there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do...'

sade's sweetest taboo... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c52JzxjEPNU