an artist's thought

i like to fancy myself as a writer, i/we (all who visit this space) enjoy words and ideas, and i think it's safe to add pretty things. the writer is in constant pursuit of trying to capture that which seems ethereal. the stuff which slips through our fingers and escapes our specific memory (what was i thinking again?). we try to bring feather light ideas down to earth, in a word, story or poem... it's fantastical work...

i'm choosing my new painting class, my second one. and i surprised myself when i asked an advisor while choosing between two classes that interest me... i said i am trying to choose between the one that my head says to take and the one my heart wants... funny right, we get this dilemma in life, that which our head says and that which our heart wants...

so far i'm leaning towards the one with my heart... the one full of colours and vibrancy...

...above painting by sophie coryndon, 'where metaphor and allusion reveals the mythic potential in everyday objects...'

um

i still love the smell of paper and the feel of a pencil. ~ anna dello russo, editor at large vogue nippo

cindy lou who

for the past 2 months construction has been going on right across the street from me... those construction guys, bless their hearts, have been waking me up every morning with their drilling and whatever else they do. it drives me nuts, really. i tell myself to breath...

this morning... nothing. the construction is done. i surprised myself by waking up on my own... it was a strange feeling. for some reason i felt like cindy lou who... i guess as i've been awakened by strange noises for so long. funny how the mind works...

paint on canvas

i'll try and explain... this summer i took my very first art class ever. i never went to kindergarden so my art career has been delayed for some time now... i didn't even sign up for the class this summer. a friend dragged me along and it has opened me up in some of the sweetest ways. imagine me there afraid to mix colours and put paint brush to canvas. i might mess it up... fail. part of the plan, i'm told. beginners can't be perfect. genuises aren't even perfect. there in the art studio, at some point i had to but the paint on the canvass. ...learning to try and make mistakes and how those mistakes can be fixed and lead to even more glorious places than had i not tried at all.


no one told me it spills over into life. i could see me learning to but the basics into place over the years... food, warmth and creature comforts. i wanted more, i felt greedy. learning that there are various levels of well being... when basic levels are met we are open to moving on to the stuff that satisfies our heart and our being... not greed, living a well balanced and inspired life.

i find something linear, moving up the ladder is fantastic!! and i have too, glimpses of a kind of blend... a harmonious existence... all the colours/ways of being present in harmony... it takes time...


put the paint on the canvas. mess it up. and see what we get...

the pleasure of missing

the pleasure of missing. i am missing something... and instead of it being a painful longing, it is a kind of silent bliss-filled anticipation. not quite sure what it is. the expectation lends a kind of pleasure, a wonder... and i am open and waiting... excited about what it may be.

where is august going so soon and so quickly? the days are streaming by like the lyrics of a sweet song. i want to slow them down, a gentle pause for the sake of the flowers and green leave-filled fluffy trees, the warmth of the sea... and for me too... to indulge in the warmth of summer.

all things must change... summer begins to give way to autumn. but not just yet. there's still time to enjoy... and simply perhaps autumn can't get here quick enough for those who suffer in the summer heat. your time is coming... for sure and in confidence.

are you well? i sincerely hope so. missed u!!

just a bit of a 'gap spring/summer?'

hello dear You... i'm having a bit of time off from blogging. i find words escape me these days... i'll have a bit of a break, but i'll be back as i do love it; sharing stories and visiting you.

in the meantime, do have a sweet spring... and maybe summer. i won't be too far, as i look forward to continuing to visit you!! and you all have my email, so if need be, or it fancies you please send me a message.

you know what? i appreciate and love, dare i say, every one of your comments that you leave for me. merci beaucoup mon amies!!

until soon loves!!

bisous

where we are

funny how it works sometimes... i had the sensation of being in a country house last night. i hang a line across the kitchen to let the delicate clothes dry instead of putting them in the dryer when i do laundry. yesterday with the heat, which made it seem more like july than may, i went to sleep bracing myself for the nightime heat.

at 4 in the morning i was awakened by thunder showers, lots of rain came tumbling down in the early morning silence... indeed breaking the heat. the clothes on the line in the kitchen were swaying in the breeze, and the smell of rain filled the house. thought i was in the country house for a minute, all the pretty colours from springtime; light fabrics, a gentle breeze, silence and the sound of rain... funny how a moment of holiday and rest finds us where we are...

big bunches of springtime

weekend is here lovelies... enjoy!
thanks a big bunch for your sweet thoughts of me. i'm getting better, going to have lunch near central park and get out and enjoy the springtime sunshine. as the Spanish say... poco a poco... little by little.

on this time it's a real springtime... not too hot and not too cool, lots of sunshine and big blue skies...

sweet dear hugs to you!!

hello

thanks so much for your well wishes. i thought i'd be down just another day or so, but was in bed the entire weekend... with some good films, of course:)

up today... and i've got an agenda...

tea now
visit me blog pals
have a walk outdoors
...fresh air is calling, plus a little leisurely walk to get my strength back...

i feel a sense of excitement, creeping back to the brightness of feeling better, and taking it easy... slow and easy.

then some reading and writing... get back to stuff i love.

coming over to see how you are.
and thank you! again for your sweet thoughts!

one of those days

been knocked down a few days with a flu-like cold. been in bed with my hair all messed up falling in and out of sleep, drinking juice, and sipping soup. the sound of t.v. is disturbing, so i put on some melodic tunes.

i'm getting better. out of bed today, having some tea. and i just had an interesting thought; it's a perfect moment for an audrey hepburn film... gentle and sweet. i retreat back to bed with me cup of tea to relax and not overdo it. seems i'm on my way back to feeling better...

won't send kisses, don't want to share me cold... good thoughts, that's it, hope you're well!

upon return

when i re-enter, alone, the city's crush
and its chaos of noise
and the fury of traffic surrounds me,
may i, above that hammering confusion,
remember sky and mountain slopes
where the herds are still descending homeward.

may my courage be like those rocks
and the shepherd's day long work seem possible to me
the way he drifts and darkens, and with a well aimed stone
hems in his flock where it unravels.
with slow and steady strides, his posture is pensive
and, as he stands there, noble. even now a god might
secretly slip into his form and not be diminished.

in turn, he lingers and moves on like the day itself,
and cloud shadows pass through him, as though all of space
were thinking slow thoughts of him.

spanish trilogy (iii)
rainer maria rilke

lively up yourself

art work of tim burton at the moma (spooky?)

there is a bob marley song where he sings... lively up yourself...

this song came to mind as i was thinking of something this morning that gives me great pleasure. in it's own way i was thinking that it inspires me and livelies me up. it brings me to life and what a sweet gift to have something like this in our lives. many of us are quite privileged as we have a number of sweetnesses that livelies us up. our babies, our sweeties, a pleasureable read, a delicious cup of coco... or coffee or tea...

i thought too, this special thing that gives me life, inspires me, as i feel refreshed, i wish to save, savor and use this energy in a beneficial way.

and too, springtime never ceases to amaze me. as the sky is big and blue, and the trees and flowers are blossoming, i get to thinking how does that happen so quietly and suddenly. winter seems forever, as sweet and cool as it can be. and springtime for me always seems extremely far way. and quite often i feel convinced that spring will not return again. how can it when all is grey and cold and quiet?

and then it happens, the sun gets bigger, the air is clear and warm, and the blossoms seem to dance lightly in the light warm air. it happens quietly and unassuming~ly. and now i remember as well while writing, those days those weeks, when it was a kind of dance, a kind of tug of war, as winter loosens her grip and springtime quitely slips in. and here she is on this side, today. it's still not so certain. but what is certain is that the springtime weather will return, i see it now and it's quite sweet.

good monday to you dear reader. have a sweet week. i hope to catch the tim burton exhibit at the modern museum really soon, as the end of the exhibit is nearing... it'll be spooky in the most fun way...

happy easter

funny how things work. i couldn't sleep so i got out of bed. the sun was coming up and i had a look out the window. i saw some young folks walking the empty streets while the sun's coming up. i thought how cool, their up so early, maybe they're going to sunrise service at church. and then it dawned on me... i think it's more that they were coming in from dancing, hanging out all night from the night before. i remember that... dancing all night and walking home as the sun was coming up. something lovely about that.

still a nice time to not be able to sleep while the sun is rising easter morning. i hope you are well and the way you celebrate... maybe by going to church, time with friends and family, special dinners, relaxing at home in your fluffy slippers, out on the town enjoying the beautiful spring weather, do be yourself and enjoy!!

happy easter kisses loves!!

there's still time

there's still time to be cosy and warm. cool again on this side, as winter holds on while spring is slipping in. it's inevitable, spring blossoms are own their way, but first, winter has juuuust a few more doings to do... in the meantime cosy and warm are on the agenda...

maybe you remember i wrote recently about a walk with friends along the mediterranean in the small town of Sitges, near barcelona. it was there that i witnessed a most beautiful sunset.

Hans is a fine friend of mine.



we were lucky enough to share the same time in barcelona. there meetings for coffee turned into long walks through that beautiful city, which turned into a feeling for sipping wine or beer in an outdoor cafe, 'but first let's check out this book store, or maybe that music store...' hours escaped us and still it seemed we could keep going discovering such a lovely city, unbeknown to us, quietly a friendship was forming. sweet surprises...

when i first met Hans and i asked what he did, he shared that he was a musician. i said 'oh,' and left it at that. then one night i went to hear him perform, to play and sing, and to my surprise he really is a fine artist. i realised then, as a new yorker i find everyone is a musician, a writer, an actor and on and on. i don't always believe them. so i was surprised to see and hear, for me, the melodic sounds of my friend.

the group debonair's desert song (Hans on voice... guitar too?), have a listen here http://debonair.posterous.com/new-track-desert-song let me know how you experience it...

the blog is here... have a little peak into his doings in denmark... http://debonair.posterous.com/

be warm, be sweet you, and get ready to blossom as spring finds her way in!

spring cleaning

a-hem... i realise i can't wait any more, i have to organise my closests for spring. can you imagine a dressing room like this one... i like the spaciousness of it, and i especially like the light that streams in. pretty.

another spring~luv it!

i walked into a shop today, just browsing, and the sales lady greeted me with a cheerful and sincere happy spring! i love it. the wedding yesterday was quite lovely. i enjoyed myself, and while drifting off to sleep last night i played over in my mind the entire day, the church, the reverend, conversations throughout the day, dancing and food... and of course the lovely bride and groom...

i finally talked to my sister, and after she let me have it for not being in touch, we slipped into giggling again. she thinks i'm weird, she always have. and i absolutely love why she thinks i'm weird cause i'm a dreamy, wanna thinking up stories, night owl, listening to music in my room all hours of the night, kind of girl. she's much more grounded and down to earth. i think we admire one another's qualities.

the picture posted here gets me... i love the flowers and the look from another time... perhaps the seventies. i absolutely adore the look and colours of sixties and seventies fashion. i know the two eras are remarkably different, still i love them both.

spring is here darlings... i do hope you are well and feeling quite spring~like, all inspired, hopeful and bright...

sending you spring kisses!!

early morning strolls... you never know who you'll meet

an actor said in an interview how he liked strolling around new york... how there seems to be something to discover around every corner. i so often feel that way. like today, sitting outside down by the river having lunch. there was a lady there dressed in hot pink, jumping around, dancing and spinning a hoola hoop around her waist when the feeling moved her. ahhh, you never know what you might see.

one early sunday morning, before the masses were out, i walked by javier bardem and penelope cruz from vicky, cristina, barcelona (among other stuff). it's quite evident now that they are a couple, but it was still a week or so before the oscars, folks were still speculating. well i knew because i saw them walking up fifth avenue in greenwich village, holding hands and laughing that deep warm laughter of new love. it was sweet to see.

us old folks don't really bother the celebrities. we're used to seeing them. and if it's mid-day and they're shooting a film, or a television show with all their camaras and trailers and catering junk all in the way and blocking the flow of the natural rhythm of the city then it's a pain in the butt.

the Pres Obama even apologised once for coming to town and causing so much traffic hassle with his private cars and security and all. i thought he gets it, comin' in here messing up our rhythm.

well when i saw javier and penelope i was a bit surprised. it was so early and i was kind of sleep-walking, i thought maybe i was in a film or something. it was only me and them on the street at that particular moment. javier remembered the manners his momma taught him as when our eyes met, he smiled and said 'hola.' i was still so surprised, so uncool of me! i forget my english and my spanish and could only smile and nod my head. hope it was polite enough...

after the rain...

we've had rain since friday....

aujourd'hui le ciel est bleu!

just a feeling from a picture

the photo above i saw in a magazine. for some reason it has stayed with me. i think it may have something to do with these two persons, annie leibovitz and mikhail baryshnikov being so good at what they do, to put it mildly. i guess in the face of such talent i am speechless with admiration. the first photo is the adorable nicole kidman, this photo was taken by annie leibovitz. i saw the original at an exhibit, it is stunning.

someone once said that they find the work of annie leibovitz superficial. funny how individually we can have varied reactions. i guess that's how it works right? taste is individual...

though she photographs celebrities, for me i like the way she is able to somehow move beyond the surface and capture the person, or a feeling... can't quite put my finger on it.

i saw baryshnikov in an interview once where he talked about his defect from russia, describing himself literally running to get away... incredible. how time passes and history remains...

lastly, i especially like his feet in the photo. at first i thought what funny looking feet! then it dawned on me, he is a dancer, and an exquisite one at that, and dancers got ugly feet i hear. all those hours doing what they do you get ugly feet, yet they make such hard work and sweat look light, easy, beautiful...

think... of the world you carry within you... be it remembrance of your own childhood or longing for your own future. only be attentive to what is arising in you, and prize it above all that you perceive around you. what happens most deeply inside you is worthy of your whole love. work with that and don't waste too much time and courage explaining it to other people.

rome, december 23, 1903
from letters to a young poet
rainer maria rilke

my sister

i went to the hair stylist the other day and she cut my hair in a cute little short style. i like it very much. but my hair never looks the same or even nice the next day or any other day that i don't visit the hairstylist. the reason is because i have no idea how to do my hair, i never have. i remember as a girl when my mom stopped doing my hair (and she did it really nice) and told me that it is time, that i am old enough to begin doing my own hair. i not only had no idea what to do, i had no interest in learning. i've always just wanted my hair to look pretty, but i've had no interest in doing it. i guess i'd have to get in a long line of women who share the same sentiments.

so the other day the stylist did a nice job, and i look at my hair today and i think it would be nice for example, to invent a story, if my sister were a hair dresser. let's say we live together and each morning before going to work she would do a quick and easy 1.2.3. and i've have a cute little hairdo and we'd both be off to begin our days...

i reminded myself that not only have i not talked to my sister in a while, and not only does she totally have her own life, i have never mentioned her to you. i like and love my sister very much. i don't know if two sisters could be more different in character, well i suppose there is lots of room for that possibility. i am the shyer more reserved one, and my sister has enough confidence and outgoingness to share. she's lots of fun and the party really does begin when she arrives (my mom is the same). she married and started a family young and loves being a mom, whereas i'd have to read a manual to learn to put a diaper on properly, and were i to marry, i'd have to marry a man who doesn't mind being second to my love for solitude, reading, and lots of books (though i'd try to convince him he's not second:).

my sister and i don't see one another very often. i think mostly because when we were growing up our lives were so different, she was out on the town with her friends, and i was inside reading. we never really spent a lot of time together and i guess it spilled over into our adult lives.

thing is, we like, admire, respect and love one another a great deal. when we do see one another it is a deep pleasure. my nephew once asked in frustration, why when my sister and i are together we start right away giggling and telling stories about when we were girls. stories of my sister protecting me from the neighborhood bullies, or me having serious conversations with my sister about why she should take time with her school lessons.

when she graduated from high school and had absolutely no interest in going to university, i talked her into going. i told her that university is far more fun than high school. what did i know, just that i loved being in school. her first year there she met her boyfriend who became later her husband and father of her children. he blames me for having fallen in love with such a strong willed woman...

i got to thinking that i should see my sister more often, i simply should.

one afternoon my sister and i were at a little gathering. there were people there we had never met. as my sister and i don't see one another often, we stole away to a corner and just sat and laughed and connected all over again. i over heard someone ask who we were. and then said, 'sisters? wow, they are happy together.' my heart was touched. a stranger appreciated us giggling over in the corner. i do hope that the love that my sister and i have for one another is a beauty in itself, and perhaps that is something that can be seen, this is my hope...

just came to mind while reading...

i went to finland once, and then again a few times after that. there, this city girl counted lakes, and walked in the woods... rowed on the lake in a canoe, and picked berries in the woods. and too waited until the others came back from fishing with the catch of the day. we transformed freshly caught fish into the most delicious kind of fish caserole (though i had nothing to do with it). i did have something to do with the berry pie cause i helped to pick the berries...

entre hiver et printemps

in between winter and springtime we find ourselves, on the cusp. the dry gray days of winter not quite behind us, and the hope and colour of springtime waiting in the wings. another wintertime in our book of life we can check off in a matter of days. what a sweet present. i try to be mindful of my time, what i've done and what i'm doing, and too what you're up to. when you tell me about all the goodies you're up to, me wee heart just loves it.

as springtime is nearly here and we are full of the hope that this change in season brings, i found myself listing all the things i am thankful for. i even surprised myself. it's difficult for me to count my blessings because i feel like they might disappear. i know i'm not alone in this feeling, as i've heard some of you share similar feelings. but i'm so happy that these are just fears, they are not reality. and i suppose there is something, a lot, connected to counting our blessings, naming the stuff that works out alright. i find that there is our reality, what is real, not the bogey man stuff that goes on in our heads.

so lots of goodies to count...

• deelisshhous lunch today with a dear friend
• weather warm enough where i did not have to wear a scarf
• here writing and waiting for a favorite television program to start
• started reading a new book today, the girl with the dragon tattoo.
• cooked a little delicious dinner as well... and had tea and cookies (for dipping) afterwards
• and i saw the cutest cutest little girl today with her mother. she was going on and on talking and talking. i couldn't get over how cute she was.

that's it for now. good. i once heard a woman who is a survivor of the holocaust say that a boring evening at home is a good day. her words were so simple and profound, they touched me and i still remember them, even 10 years later. i suppose so, considering what she has been through, to be safe at home is one of the sweetest things...

silly

i was visiting a friend of mine once and he told me about the cutest little patisserie right down stairs from his apartment and how we should go there sometimes and have a coffee. it really is the cutest little thing. it's tiny with about six little tables inside. there they have croissants and cakes and pastries. the sweets really are quite yummy. there is a little cosy warm atmosphere about it as well. not a lot of people know about it i imagine, as it is never over crowed. it is always full, all six tables filled, and one might have to wait a few moments for one to open up. it's nice this way, this lovely little space hidden from the manhattan masses.

i've only been there a handful of times and each time i go there is, or shortly arriving, a little old lady with her few grocery bags. she sets them on a chair and orders a coffee and pastry and there she relaxes and enjoys. i think she must go there everyday, as i have only been there a few times, yet every time i go, she is there.

then you know what i thought? well, i thought, if i had a cute little cafe right down stairs from where i lived i would go everyday too. i really did think this and wish this, only a few months ago.

well. one has opened, right down stairs! i walk out my front door and take about seven steps and it is right there. and it is the cutest loveliest little thing. i was coming in one night, and the little windows had candles burning. sweet i tell you. and i really had to smile to myself, life is a funny thing. i feel like the angels like to have fun with me...

thing is, well 2 things. it might 'only' be a bakery. they have sweets and breads and coffee and tea cause i can see and look right in those big ol' pretty display windows with cook books and breads and goodies in the window.

the 2nd thing, which i am quite embarrassed to admit is that i've not been in. maybe they have been open for three or four weeks. i've been shy to go in, silly i know!! but i don't see any little cafe tables in there either, a place for sitting. there is a main area where all the goodies are, and in that space there is no seating. there is a big ol' archway toward the back (and it is a small space) that i see the people who work there disappear through, and i can't tell if there are tables back there.

so here i am thinking overtime about the cutest cafe that i want to visit everyday and i 'm too shy to go in, to cross the threshold. i think i will work up the courage soon, i'll go in for tea 'to go' and see what the deal is.

but i'm glad it's there, all sweet looking and everything, with their little candles burning in the window when i come in at night. and i should stop being so self centered, i imagine as a new business they are simply waiting for people to come on in and order lots...

i'll let you know more when i know more...

signes de printemps

little by little spring is finding it's way to us. love it! the sun is shining kinda big today, and the weekend was incredibly spring-like. oh i know we could get back to the winter greys at any moment, but signs of spring are particularly evident and i do loves it.

i hope you had a sweet weekend. i had some stuff to do and i got it done. when i made my deadline today i was particularly pleased. it felt good, and it makes me want to do more...

i watched the oscars last night, after i said i wouldn't. i've been a bit 'celebrityed out.' i made a little dinner, poured meself a nice glass of rasberry belgium beer (do you know it? it's de-lish), and watched the pretty dresses. that Christoph Waltz who won for inglorious basterds seems to be a true old school artist. one who takes his craft seriously. i hang on his every poetic word...

anywho, it's monday monday, and i do hope you are well. i'm coming 'round to see. thanks so much for your messages, i just love them. we have a little community here and i must admit i enjoy it.

be good you!

back real! soon

hello dear you! I am away from blogland longer than I want to be. i've been a bit tied up this week. but to tell the truth, i miss being here, so i will be back before you know it. just wanted to touch base and share me missing you. hope you are well and i am thinking of ya!

are you well?

love is what i send...

bisou!

far from home

there's a newish market in madrid, they have little stands that sell lots of goodies to eat. one is a little french company, too bad i can't remember the name, which sells oysters. there we stood, my friend s. and i, wondering which oysters to select. you see i know very little about oysters, but i love 'em. i love the taste of the sea that i get from them. i asked the young man behind the counter which one's would he recommend. i always like to ask for recommendations from the people who work in a place, because they know. he explains the various tastes of the different oysters to me (i should have written down what i learned, but i didn't, and now i've forgotten) and i chose according to my taste.

i do realise oysters are not for everyone. but strangely i like them, and these were delicious. it's a glass refrigerated case-full of ice and oysters, french white wine, a friendly guy with standing behind a small glass counter, not much more, still plenty. while my friend and i savored the flavors of the sea our friend behind the counter poured us little cool glasses of white wine. he was cute. i asked him where he was from. with hesitation and the biggest smile he shared that he was from morocco.

intently he asks me, 'have i ever been?'

'no i haven't,' i say.

'you should, you will love it,' is his suggestion.

point is, the oysters and cool white wine were so deliciously served by this friendly young man that i returned about two weeks later with another friend. i've mentioned to you that i can be shy until i can warm to you and then you can't shut me up.

when i returned to this little french stand in madrid with my other friend i wanted her to taste their goodies and to see this lovely young man. it's just that i enjoyed his passion for what he was serving as well as the tiny bit he shared about his country.

my friend like the oysters and white wine too. i kind of stood on the side and let her enjoy. the guy who works there looked at me standing over to the side from the corner of his eye, and said to me

'you have come back?'

i smiled, 'you remember me,' i say.

'of course,' he answers back.

in this moment my friend asks him where in morocco he is from. he tells her. it's all greek to me, i know nothing about morocco. and the two of them take off, for she is familiar with places and spaces in morocco. they go on about his town, which to his surprise she has been to, along with some other favorite destinations that they share. they speak of festivals, and family and friends. and he almost sings about how he misses he country and longs to be there.

i stayed on the side finding deep pleasure in my oysters, white wine, friends connecting and sharing a love for a place that at that moment seemed so far away. still in a time and in a moment we feel less alone in the company of one another, a sweet company shared...

it's late on this side. i'm tired, went to dinner and a movie tonight. i should sleep now, and i will. just that i wanted to write a wee bit as writing eases my heart. so if this story is full of mistakes or is utterly uninteresting, do forgive me. i'm drunk with sleep and i simply can't tell.

ok, off to sleep now... i hope you are well... and have a lovely sunday...

just snowing

snow again here in the city. i ask myself how do they know that every single snow flake is different. if it is true that is quite remarkable. we've some nice, fat ones now, nice fluffy floaty snow flakes. some schools have been closed. i used to adore snow days, staying home from school, playing in the snow; literally a child's winter wonderland. i think i've mentioned how i love when the snow falls, how it quiets everything, slows down this busy city, covers all in a soft white blanket...

a friend called me yesterday frustrated about work. she was quite upset. i listened. i've been there so i knew exactly what she meant, but for that moment, the best thing was to blow off steam... hope she's feeling better now.

tea is brewing, and i've my 'to do' list. just wanted to pop in and connect with you a moment. hope you are well... sending love...

on blooming later

had a reunion with some university 'sisters' this weekend. ok, i'll confess, in university i pledged a sorority. i was a bit naive about the whole deal. i totally thought the sisterhood was a cool way to work in community service, at least that is how it was sold to me. once i was in, i had a chance to see that it was far different from what i thought it would be, so i distanced myself.

all through the years the girls get together quite often, but i have never joined in. i was urged to come and hang out for an evening at one of the girl's house. dinner, wine, catching up and connecting was in store.

it was quite nice. it's amazing to see how after all these years how our lives are taking shape. in general i have angered (really angered) family and friends simply because i haven't married and started a family. i'm too busy planning my next trip...

but i do think there comes a time, if not a moment in time, or perhaps along the way, when i ask myself what am i doing and where am i going.

it truly is a gift to say i like where i am now and i hope to continue to grow into myself. there is much to do; career, home, love... but it's a lot easier to do these things when one's heart is not broken as mine have been over the years by people i love.

what's sweet, is coming into my own, learning that it is my heart that says so, not anyone or anything else. i was torn by everyone else's idea of who i should be. now i know that it is me, myself that needs to say yes to what i need and want. and it feels really good to be getting to this place.

the time with the girls was incredibly lovely. and definitely a reminder to be true to myself and continue in my efforts to shape a life for myself that is pleasing. they are well into what they have chosen for themselves. i, myself am onto a late start for what i personally want and need, loving myself and following my heart. but it feels really good to have figured out this essential piece of the puzzle.

here, you encourage me... and i am immensely grateful. i read your comments, thoughts and ideas, and i am warmed and i feel thought of... thank you!

and i see your comments from the last post too. lovely!! merci beaucoup sweeties...

barcelona

you my dear friends may know by now that my mind works best during storytelling. when i have the chance to visit a place, and when i return, friends will say 'so tell me about your trip.' i never know really where to begin because my mind simply doesn't work in a way where i would say 'i saw this and i saw this...' my mind works by way of telling stories.

i've been at a loss for words lately when a friend asked about some tips for visiting barcelona, i lived in barcelona for a year (and madrid for four years). as she is going for a week in may, i've been wondering what to say by way of suggestions of what to do and see in barcelona. i figured out why i have not come up with anything to say, which i thought was quite strange.

in general all the tour books lay out clearly the must sees when visiting a place, so i would not be telling her any secrets when i mention the sacrada familia. ...when i visit a place, i visit in such an organic manner. i never really know what i'm going to do, so it's difficult for me to suggest to someone 'you should see this.' i mostly feel my way around, see what my heart says when i wake up that morning. but i may have figured something out. as you know i like to tell stories, so i thought of some of my favorite memories and am beginning to get some ideas...

you see, i can't say 'you should visit the Mediterranean sunset,' but i can tell you about the most gorgeous sunset i have ever seen. while living in barcelona some friends invited me for an evening in Sitges, which i have never heard of. they thought i should see it as it is absolutely beautiful. it's just outside of barcelona. we took the train out. when i arrived, the sun was just beginning to set. we walked along the sea taking in the breath-taking prettiness of the seaside small town. there, one will visit a feeling. a feeling of walking casually along the sea with friends who i loved being with, laughing and having fun, conversations and spirits in awe of the beauty of this simple small town. i happened to look up again and visually captured a moment when the sun itself seemed the biggest and the most golden and the most present and close it has ever seemed in all my life. there it was, beautiful warm, huge, round; a golden ball with hints of red ever present just before my eyes. my heart seemed to stall for a moment. we all stood in awe as it slipped down into the horizon ...and only rays of light continued to light the horizon after the sun had set.

i hope i never forget that moment when my heart was touched so by such beauty in the midst of such wonderful sweet company. we all strolled over to a tiny out door cafe terrace for sipping of something cool or sweet while we discussed where on earth should we have dinner.

so i remember now, i can say to my friend, if you think it might please you, you and your sweetie could spend the day by the sea in Sitges, or simply travel out by train before sunset, have a walk along the sea, before going off to dinner.

and then maybe i'll remember... of course!! the fun fantastical colourful playland of parc güell.

indeed too, barcelona's stunning architecture along the grand boulevards. In barcelona, there, it may be that you find yourself drinking a bit less of spain's delicious red wine, and sipping a bit more on Cava, spain's own luscious sparkling wine, as champagne can only be called so when it's actually made in the champagne region of france.

it's coming back to me now... i think i might have a few things to share...

you, what's on for the weekend? i hope you will enjoy it in your own special way!! have you had the feeling of more sunsine? like the sun is getting closer to us, and hanging around a little longer during the day... spring on the way?

sweet weekend dear You!!

happy love day

i used to get into a lot of trouble when i was in my twenties. if a certain young man who i was interested in came to my apartment, there he would find cute little valentine gifts on my bookshelf, or on a coffee table. little bears that said i love you, little hearts that asked me to be their valentine. he'd wonder where were these gifts from...

you see i've never thought of valentine's day as a sweethearts day, i've simply thought of it as a love day. this is because when i was a little girl, my mom would give me, all of my siblings, valentine's day goodies. they were little bears, or little hearts, candy or perfume. and i've kept them over the years and as they were these little things. i'd tuck them in little places as a reminder of my mom's thoughts of me.

and when the gentlemen saw them they were a bit confused, and i'd have to explain that they were from my mom. they were not always convinced. i secretly liked remembering that i was already loved, and if things were to work out and he and i became boyfriend and girlfriend, well that was like icing on the cake. more love is simply sweeter!!

i hope your day is sweet. and too, remember all the varied ways that love takes its place in your life...

sending valentine kisses!!

buddies

i've a friend who is to be married in about a month. we sat yesterday for hours over hot chocolate discussing her fears, her concerns, her hopes and excitement.

we talked about making love and making babies. how beautiful! i wish her every good thing. and i reminded her that i will be right there. so on that day, look into my eyes if you need to, and know that nervousness is quite normal when you mean it; love for life. i will walk with you while you do this! my heart spun around each time she told me how much she loves him. ...i left our time together walking on air...

today the snow falls intently, i plan to meet another friend to play in the snow... i really mean play... running and jumping and rolling in piles of snow. remember?

you... i hug!!

wanderlust

upon return from mon voyage... ahh... it's been a while since i've been around.


no cell phone, no computers... out of touch in a way. it was really nice to be out of the city in the wide open spaces of colorado, with lots of sunshine and the merriment of celebrating a friend's birthday.

it's nice to return as well, catch up with friends and see how they are and what they have been up to.

when signing on now this feeling came over me, oh how i miss this space where we share our stories and our doings... sweet indeed! i hope you are well!

when i was a girl, my mom would put me and my sister on an airplane every summer to go and spend the summer with family in florida. we were so little, we had our little name tags and the flight attendants would look after us until we arrived and family would pick us up at the airport. i wonder if this is when my love of travel began, or perhaps i was born with this wander lust...

found this poem last night...

go to the limits of your longing
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us out of the night.

these are the words we dimly hear,

you, sent out beyond recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
embody Me.

by rilke

kiss u!

the little things...

things are quiet on this side. i haven't been up to much. we had rain storms today. it hasn't rained so hard and so long for a long time. while sleeping last night i dreamed of the rain banging into the windows. so nice to be warm and cosy inside.

i've a little trip this weekend, really little, 2 days. i'll go and visit a friend and celebrate a birthday. i love traveling, even if it is a little travel. what to pack, right? i'll pack a little bag. i might keep it simple and classic; black slacks and a nice white shirt, kinda kathryn hepburnish...

how are you these days? i hope well. i'm alright. nothing special, but in a way it all seems quite beautiful. love it!

know what? i think of you and wonder what you are up to sometimes... i really do.

bisou!

lush life

there is an expression... life is not a dress rehearsal...



...when referring to life itself, that this life is not the practice go round, so let's live as fully as we possibly can. and as the lovely dianne carol once said so beautifully, it takes a minute to try and figure out how to live in the way of our dreams.

when i see lady gaga, i always think what she is wearing and doing is interesting. some of it i like, and some of it i dislike... but i think, at least she's not saving it for the real thing. when i see her she's full on.

she shared a bit about her creative process, how she wakes up in the morning and begins her designs, or writing songs, and putting together what has been presented to us as lady gaga.

thing is, it reminds us to play and have fun at the stuff we love...





speaking of playing, can you imagine playing at painting. i did make the georgia o'keeffe exhibit and it was quite beautiful. i adore the way she painted with such lush colours and abstract images, the way the paint seemed to swim across the canvas in the most sensual and sweetest of pinks and greens, blues and creams...

i'm hoping you are having the most lucious day lovely!!

taste the air

i do keep Haiti on my mind. i'm deeply pleased about the response for help from seemingly all corners of the globe. there's a spirit in the air to lend help in the form of prayers, well wishes, material, monetary, and physical and intellectual doings. there's something special about this horrific moment in haiti's already troubled history, there seems to be little judgement. so many just want to lend a hand as best they can. i like this.

there are some people from louisiana that say that after the horrors of hurricane katrina, louisiana is coming back and is better than it was before disaster came. better than before in terms of quality building and infrastructure, as well as a healthy wake-up call for the suffering of folks. it's a long wake-up call, but it seems that many are getting it.

last night before drifting off to sleep i came across this poem that i'll share with you if you don't mind. when i read it, i thought... yup, that's it...

...

...

september twelfth, 2001

...

two caught on film who hurtle

from the eighty-second floor,

choosing between a fireball

and to jump holding hands,

aren't us. i wake beside you,

stretch, scratch, taste the air,

the incredible joy of coffee

and the morning light.

alive, we open our eyelids

on our pitiful share of time,

we bubbles rising and bursting

in a boiling pot.

...

by x.j. kennedy

...

i hope you and yours are sweet and well. do have a nice weekend. i'm off to catch the georgia o'keefe exhibit at the whitney museum. tomorrow is the last day, so i haven't completely waited 'til the last minute;)

i'm thinking of you... thanks a big bunch for the thoughts you've share in connection to my previous posts. i like so much our diverse ways of sending and sharing good thoughts...

bisou you!!

haiti on my mind.

i'm thankful for doing well.

there are brothers and sisters facing devastation in haiti. may we help, and share with one another genuinely, always, not only in times of crises...

in times of crises i so often feel at a loss for how to help. i know nothing. information is shared saying help can be lended here http://www.redcross.org

how you doing?

i'm kinda doing the nuts and bolts of life... and i insert some sweet stuff wherever i can. butter pecan ice cream, tiramisu, godiva chocolates... had some vanilla cookies with my tea this morning. wrote a little poem...

how are you? hope your week is coming along alright.

i'm sending kisses!

cosy

it just occured to me that everyone who reads this blog has a sweetie!! well me loves, do have a sweet and cosy weekend. wrap up nice and warm and savor!!

these below?... well i couldn't resist!

sweet weekend dear You! ...and i mean that...

glam squad

ok i'm lazy when it comes to getting dressed, but i'm working on it. i wake up and ask meself, what to wear today? i adore pretty things, but i can't be bothered to think about it. maybe it has to do with doing the corporate thing for so many years. a sleek tahari soft green suit, cream coloured silk blouse, silk hose and patent leather pumps; my uniform in various shades, hues and fabrics. i did it for years, and now am simply lazy...

dinner and a movie tomorrow night with what i call the glam squad. some of the sweetest people who lead glamourous lives are having dinner tomorrow night, and i'm wondering what to wear.

i'm no fan of kate moss (above) don't know why, just a feeling, and i know nothing about her, but i like her look. add a few pounds (i'm not tiny like her, cause i likes me chocolates, but i'm alright i think) and i would love to rock something comfy and cool and cute like this... hmmm, think i'll think about it...

rockn' and rolling

whoa! one of those mornings. they say you know you are getting older when you wake up and feel like you have a hangover and you haven't been drinking. think i ate something yesterday that left me stomach a little funny and me head groggy. i like to sip my tea calm and sweet in the morning. this morning i felt like i needed a little something stronger to bring me out of my grogginess and clear me head.

i've some tea from london. for some reason their stuff is strong (at least for me). i distinctly remember buying it in a gorgeous little tea shop in london. the lady there was so pretty amongst all the teas and pretty things. i remember as she was ringing my purchase up thinking 2 things; 1. that she is so pretty. and 2. how long will this tea last me until i can come to london again.

i'm finding instead of stretching the goods, i'll just have to visit london and me other favs more often.

the picture above reminds me so much of the eighties. i had my very first job while in school working in manhattan, down in greenwich village. i was in awe of the vibe down there. punk rockers were everywhere with their purple and green and pink hair. loved it! felt like i was on another planet.

been a while since i've connected with you... i dew plan to drop in!!

hope your day is sweet... and you are well...

bonne et belle année!!

"you know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~dr. seuss

do have a wonderful new year!!